To ask for help with a 'Parenting translator'

[bigbadbadger]

Myself and a few other women run a monthly parenting group for women who have grown up outside the UK (as I did). It is great fun and we enjoy it a lot, there are so many fantastic DPs balancing life/work/relationships alongside navigating a new culture.

One of the things we laugh about is the 'lost in translation' things we all get wrong, and we have decided to compile a list of these to help new members and make us all laugh. I wondered if any MNers had any good ones I could share.

An example is:
When you start primary school you will meet a lot of parents who may live close to you. They often say "you must pop round", this is not an invitation, do not turn up unless you are given a specific time and day and even then best to text and check first "Just checking we are still on for today". Just turning up is very rude in Britain!

or

You must not ask your DC friends about their academic levels, sporting achievements or their parents jobs - this is nosy and rude in Britain!

a personal favourite

If someone compliments you on your clothing, perfume or food just say 'thank you', do not give them it! They are usually only being polite and will be horrified when you give them an old stained tupperware full of curry!

We are not in anyway mocking UK culture, which we love, just making fun of all those awkward situations we all get in and cringe about for years after. I thought you might also find it fun

As a Brit living in Scandiland I make faux pas on this level ALL the time :D

I’m finding this amusing as these things are completely natural to me, but I hadn’t thought how odd they must be to foreigners

If some says “alright?” to you, they’re just saying hello, you don’t need to give them a rundown of how you’re feeling (have been caught by this one before )

What about the cheek kiss greeting?
Within my group of friends we kiss cheek at hello or goodbye, but not always!
Eg if you are meeting for lunch or at a party yes.
Likewise if you haven’t seen each other for a while.
If you see each other everyday at drop off/ pick up then no.
Some Mediterranean friends find this confusing and cheek kiss at every occasion, in the playground, supermarket etc
Mind you, that’s not as bad as going the wrong side for a cheek kiss !😳

When asked to provide 'a bottle' for a tombola, the PTA want a bottle containing something (eg wine or lemonade), not an empty plastic bottle that used to contain water.

The three examples you have given do not seem to exist in my uk world. I don't know where in the UK you live but that isn't situations I have come across.

Although I do say 'alright' as Hello.

Some cultures have the ask three times rule so no doesn’t actually mean no. They want you to ask them again to eat or sit. So it’s hard for them to understand that when someone says “no” they mean it but when the person says “yes”, they might actually not mean it and are just saying it out of politeness A lot of my friends who aren’t born and bred in the UK find this quite confusing.

OMG @TeenTimesTwo that is hilarious!

I do not like being approached for a kiss on any cheeks!

Damn We did have a quiet chuckle. It was from a family brand new to the country. (But at least they tried.)

Oh God
"Alright"! I was in Manchester when I fist landed - luckily someone set me straight fairly quickly when I gave full details of my life! OMG!

The kissing is really crazy and once resulted in my aged aunty kissing DH full on the lips

these are brilliant, thank you

As someone from a different country living in England I've found that English people don't always engage in small talk at bus stops or at school pick up but once you do get to know someone they are (generally) very friendly and kind. So it might be hard to get past that first step of engaging with someone but it's often well worth the effort.

The empty bottle!!! Brilliant literal thinking there. DM would have given a bottle of cooking oil or something. Brilliant, yes, 'a bottle' means alcohol or another delicious drink, as a rule.

If you are asked 'do you drink?' it means alcohol not liquid in general. My aunts "I thought everyone did" went down in family history!

If asked if you'd like tea or coffee you can ask for a glass of water but might offend your host. Brits love making tea and coffee for guests and can feel snubbed. It is best to reply "I just had one thank you" or force it down.

The rule of 3!



Oh, failed post! DH has definitely upset some people by being too direct and not beating around the bush when talking to others!

Also his family find my overuse (as they see it) of please and thank you very funny!

We have friends from various other countries, and the following have come up:

Do not ask how much a person earns unless it is a very close friend, this is often seen as rude.

Do not be blunt about people's appearance eg. "You've put on weight".

People will say "sorry" when they mean "excuse me" - this can be confusing.

'See you later' is not meant literally. It's like bye. They have no plans to see you later that day.

"I'll think about it" and "We're quite busy at the moment" are polite ways of saying no to an invitation. Don't bring it up again.

Talking about your success or your dc's success is seen as bragging.

The cheek kissing. I feel like Brits cannot decide if it's a thing or not.

I also feel like people cannot decide in which side of the sidewalk they should walk.

The faux politeness. People really like to offer things without it actually being an offer. Just a turn of praise that everyone should respond with "oh, no thanks".

I actually think Brits are pretty nosy. They like to ask quite personal questions upon meeting. Especially when small talk is not required. My favourite thing was that when I was going to hair dressers my bf warned me that I have to small talk and I need to be prepared to answer million questions.

I sometimes need to tell my bf that he does not need to fill in the silence. Or apologise (well...pretend apologise) for things all the time.

Ha, yes don't go round until a date is organised, if in doubt do an invite to yours first.

Do not ever tell people they've put on weight, nor ask what they earn. Even if they're a friend. Even if you see them every day.

"How are you?" asked in the street or at the playground does not mean someone wants to hear all your woes, keep responses to 8 words or less. "Fair to middling" or "Mustn't grumble" as a response doesn't mean there's a big problem, so don't worry.

You're now a representative of your country, sorry but you'll be asked to explain every arcane detail that comes up about your country in the news.

British people love to grumble about the UK. If you're from overseas then you can drop in an occasional grumble, and you can certainly agree with them, but don't moan about the UK constantly yourself or it becomes offensive and you'll be avoided. Say some positive things or switch it up by complaining about your own home country or other country instead.

Try to be patient and accept our apologies that we don't know other languages and struggle to spell or to pronounce your name correctly. This doesn't mean you must be called Wizzer forever unless you work on a building site or particularly want to be called Wizzer, just be persistent.

If you take British citizenship, you'll be asked what football team you've picked; someone will then criticise that team. This is normal and is intended to be a message of welcome and support.

"see you later"
"when? I did not know we were meeting later"

Classic!!

And the sorry's, sometimes the passive aggressive 'sorry' to make you say 'sorry' brilliant. I love this country so much.

I once saw DH say thank you 7 times at a supermarket checkout, it was a fine display of his national identity. I notice it more in the US when they say "you're welcome" to every 'thank you' so it becomes absurd.

"Hello, welcome to our restaurant"
"thank you"
"You'r welcome"
"is this table good for you"
"yes thank you"
"you're welcome, woudl you like a drink"
"yes thank you, a coke please"
server now looking strained "No problem, I'll get that you're welcome"

and so on and so on. My texan StepF is all "I'll take a coke" grin server, relieved "I'll get that for you Sir"

It's brilliant - like theatre.

Oh - and if in doubt use please, thank you, excuse me and sorry. Even if you think it can't possibly be necessary, it probably is.

NEVER EVER EVER critise tea or a full English Breakfast. Even if they do, do not fall into the trap!

My MIL (lives in ME) is aghast at our children being in shorts and t shirts in , as she sees, inappropriate weather. Keep coats on until at least 20 degrees!!