Genuinely - is this annoying or not? Lodger ate my food without asking.

[Why2]

Aibu?

My lodger, who is also a family friend, came home late this evening and finished the food that was in the pan (one portion) without asking.

Feel maybe irrationally annoyed.

I know it’s comparatively a small issue, but for some reason my blood is boiling .

You're not a Scrooge. People will take the piss if they can get away with it.

I think this is more about your ex than a few scraps of food in a pan. 💁

I think 600 sounds reasonable in this scenario. I guess part of the downside of shared living quarters is that you have to be very clear in your intentions so leftovers in a labelled tupperware container and direct instructions about leaving out of date food. Perhaps clear a shelf for her on the fridge so she only uses her own stuff would avoid any blurred lines going forward, if ex wants to do differently when he's there, then that's on him.

Sounds like you’ve been triggered by this due to a general lack of control about what happens in your own home- mainly, of course because of the set up with your ex.

It’s quite straightforward to address the lodger about food. Simply say or text, ‘ we seem to have a bit of confusion about food. Last night you did, in fact eat my dinner. In future please can you stick to just eating your own food?’ What ex does is completely separate.

Forget the money, it's not about the money. Why didn't you say "why did you eat that food, it wasn't yours to eat, you should have used another pan"?

Also your ex having free reign of your house sounds stressful. He's a father, it's up to him to find somewhere to live that can accommodate his children.

She needs to move out. Get a lodger who pays proper rent and doesn't eat your food without asking

I was paying £450 for a tiny room per month in Stratford during the Olympic s 😬 - but the room was tiny.

I hope I never have to share again. £600 seems reasonable but a presume the room is a decent size.

I'd hate anyone taking my stuff though.

OP in your post the other day you mention your 3 DC are all secondary school age. Does your ex really need to cook for them every night? Is it so he can keep tabs on you?

It sounds like you're both getting a good deal. It's cheap for her - bills, dog etc. For you, yes it may be a bit below market rate but would another lodger want to live there with the odd ex setup etc? Someone else could easily be more annoying in other ways.

Put boundaries in place regarding the food (or just decide to ignore it, but if you do that you do need to actually not care!).

I wanted to say thank you for all the messages, which have been really helpful.

600 is fine...

I think the food is a red herring....think the issue is with your shitty controlling ex....please stop him coming in and reclaim your home!!!he can find somewhere else to see your kids. ....it's not his home but he's treating it as if it is