Annoying bitchy workmate

[handbagfettish]

I get on with almost everyone in work - about 20 people in total - have been there more years than I care to mention. I have built up my role over the years and been promoted by asking lots of questions, doing qualifications and generally working hard. I have one colleague who has also been there for years. Her role has never changed over the years and has in fact decreased slightly in that she is losing confidence so doesn't get as much responsibility. This irks me somewhat in that I get these jobs to do. The main issue I have is the bitchy comments she makes to me. When I say something to her she says "really" in a sarcastic tone. She also says some of the things I do or say are "sad". She has also commented loudly several times over the years "imagine being married to that". For context she has never married or actually lived with anyone. I try not to let her bother me but it's getting to the stage where everything I say she makes a sarky comment. I love it when she is on holiday - I just feel so much better. She also assumes we are on the same wage ever though I have far more responsibility and I have negotiated pay rises and bonuses. Maybe she has found out about this?

Do you pick her up on it? I’d ask (politely) “what do you mean by that?” every time she makes one of her comments.

I fail to understand why you haven't asked her directly why she's such a miserable cunt.

I'd be inclined to tell her to wind her neck in, in response to every snide or sarky comment. But then I don't know if that could get you into trouble.

Would a quiet but firm word in her ear telling her that she's out of line and if she doesn't stop you'll take it higher work?

YANBU it's not nice to be on the end of bullying behaviour. Have other people noticed? She sounds deeply insecure and quite nasty.

Yes I would definitely try to make her as uncomfortable as possible. Do to her what she does to you. Don’t be polite.

"Did you mean to be so rude?"

Do you call her out on it? Maybe (head tilt) what do you mean by that? And then keep questioning her and digging while she squirms. If she says she was kidding turning it back on you then be direct. That isn’t a nice thing to say etc.

I agree with pp - I’d pick her up literally every time she does it. Keep calm - just say “sorry I don’t understand what you mean by that - can you explain please?” It’s worth mentioning to her line manager too - maybe they could have a word and tell her to pack it in.

“If I didn’t know better I’d swear you were trying to bully me”. smiley face “You’re not. are you?”

Ignore, she’s doing it for a reaction! If you must, look her straight in the eyes after she makes a comment. Stare her out until she looks away. But you’re better off just not engaging at all, she clearly wants to bother you.

Under no circumstances discuss your wage with her - I suspect she does know/suspect you’re on a higher salary and looking for confirmation. DONT tell her, you could end up in trouble for it.

Is call her out every single time

When she says really, I ask her If she misunderstood what I was asking or ask her what the issue is due to her reply.

If she made personal attacks on me, again I’d call her out - did you mean to be so rude, or ask if her comment was directed at you.

I’d also start writing dis everything she says!

Go to HR.
She’s bullying you.

Don't have a line manager as such and to be fair I have mentioned a couple of things to our boss but nothing is done. He agrees I get more to do because she makes a lot of mistakes. I wonder if she is insecure. There have been times when I have called her out on what she says and it just makes it more awkward. Then I wonder - other people say things to me in a bantering way and I never take offence. Only with her. Am I being over-sensitive? No one seems to notice - although she talks about them behind their back - as in, well she hasn't got many friends has she? I just say each to their own and not everyone wants to socialise. It's got to the stage now if there is a staff night out or even a lunch I make an excuse not to go - I just can't be bothered - she's even more bitchy with a drink!

Sounds like she is jealous as well as being a nasty cow I’d be confronting her each and every time especially if there are other people to hear what she’s like. Do you have a HR you can report her to? She shouldn’t get away with making comments like that it’s bullying

A lot of helpful advice - I don't know why but I feel I need her approval - I haven't an issue with a single other person.

Tomorrow I'm going to put some of your advice into practise - I do think she thinks I might be a bit of a smart arse - she is not technically minded and doesn't know the job particular well (even after all these years). I am loath to assist her but I do and she is grateful at the time but still I get comments. I am going to change because she is making me feel miserable - either that and I will just blow up at her one day. Had a bullying boss in he past and I eventually just blew up at him. He backed off at a million miles an hour and never tried it again.

I'm torn on how you should deal with this!
Under no circumstances discuss your wages with her though!
I always try to be professional with people I don't get on with although I'm really struggling with one person where I work (he makes a lot of mistakes).
I just keep saying to myself that I'm paid to be here and paid a decent amount to be professional! And that includes my behaviour to others!

Who was she referring to when she said "imagine being married to that"??

Her incompetence is actually putting a lot of stress of me and my boss - this isn't helping as I usually have to work through my lunch and work late - even bringing work home - I can't really keep it up much longer.

There have been times when I have called her out on what she says and it just makes it more awkward. Fore her? Good it should

For you? Why. All you have done is point out how rude she has been.

Do it more often, until it feel natural.

Have some ready made sentences up your sleeve ready to go.

"imagine being married to that". = indeed, just imagine... nonsensical really but insinuates so much

That is sad = Don't worry you'll soon cheer up again, deliberately misunderstanding and daft

any other comments = Ooh, how nice / cheer up sunshine
Or my personal favourite, I may have oversued it

Look at your watch and say cheefully Oooh! Is it Friday already?

My snarky colleague was driven bats with my deliberate non sequiteurs. It took months to manage, but it did become second nature and, best of all, other colleagues could instantly compare and contrast our general demeanour every time it happened.

Crazyladee me. She has said it so many times. She also once said imagine being her son, although she later apologised for that - she knew she had taken it too far. She also finds it strange that my adult sons confide in me and spend time with me - she finds that distinctly an odd thing for guys to do!

Her incompetence is actually putting a lot of stress of me and my boss - this isn't helping as I usually have to work through my lunch and work late - even bringing work home - I can't really keep it up much longer. Then focus on that.

Keep a work diary and take it to your boss. Show him that you cannot do all the work within your work hours, you need an assistant

CuriousaboutSamphire I have tried - I do have someone I can rely and is happy to help me out - she is really lovely. He admits to holding back things from her because she get them wrong. She doesn't take kindly to be told that though and he hates confrontation!

Don’t share any information about yourself with her. Talk about work only.

Stop helping her and ask your boss to see the bullying policy.

Oh how horrible! She can't say things like that! That's terrible.
I hate people being nasty.
If I was there I'd put her straight. Surprised no one has.