Annoying bitchy workmate

[handbagfettish]

I get on with almost everyone in work - about 20 people in total - have been there more years than I care to mention. I have built up my role over the years and been promoted by asking lots of questions, doing qualifications and generally working hard. I have one colleague who has also been there for years. Her role has never changed over the years and has in fact decreased slightly in that she is losing confidence so doesn't get as much responsibility. This irks me somewhat in that I get these jobs to do. The main issue I have is the bitchy comments she makes to me. When I say something to her she says "really" in a sarcastic tone. She also says some of the things I do or say are "sad". She has also commented loudly several times over the years "imagine being married to that". For context she has never married or actually lived with anyone. I try not to let her bother me but it's getting to the stage where everything I say she makes a sarky comment. I love it when she is on holiday - I just feel so much better. She also assumes we are on the same wage ever though I have far more responsibility and I have negotiated pay rises and bonuses. Maybe she has found out about this?

pheonix!!! Well done!!

Well done Phoenix

This could be me OP. For 10 years I have worked alongside someone who does this to me. This person is jealous of me ( i think) and although we do the same job is jealous of my achievements, she never completes a job, is very disorganised and is therefore not trusted to do some work or managed closely, and that creates situations where she does not get given work but I do.
Her response is to be awful to me because I do the work and get good results. She has attacked my personality and parenting as well in the past, just like you. I’m an ‘alpha mum’ because I make costume for school and take my kids to classes! That wasn’t a compliment 🤨
I’m quite an active member of our team and give my opinions, support others well and I think my manager considers me to be resilient to it all, but over the years this has caused me to change - I am less confident and at times feel anxious especially if I know she is in one of her moods ( under pressure) as that’s when I get attacked or treated rudely.
my manager has allowed this to continue for years and won’t do anything. They were colleagues in a previous organisation and are friends.

She is like this with outhers but not the same extend as with me.
You have my total sympathy it’s tiring and just awful to put up with.

My solution + what I have learned to do after a long time of being upset by her

1. I go grey rock when she is being particularly vile, this does not feed her attitude and seems to confuse her and she tends to leave me alone.
2. Don’t tell her anything about my home life at all EVER. She uses it as a weapon. Although for years I didn’t share anything with the rest of the team as I was so scared, and I think some thought I was too private - I am more open with them now, but I didn’t want to risk them telling her anything about me. My DP was made redundant 3 yrs ago and I have only recently old colleagues ( my boss knew but no one else)
3. Conduct difficult convos via e Mail - there’s a trail if she starts to be nasty. And a trail to show what I did when and what I asked her to do.
4. Be more confident generally and not be afraid to show outwardly I AM good at my job, make a distinction between my role and hers in their minds, so they know that I am here to help them, if she can’t, well, I don’t make it my issue. Result is they trust me more.

Sorry that was a bit long and I didn’t want to go off on a tangent, but just to tell you there is something you can do. It might take time. Good luck.

Thank you so much for all your replies. For clarification, I am not a shrinking violet and do stand up for myself but I would never deliberately put someone down or make them feel bad about themselves. As previous posters have said I think she can only be jealous. Anyway you would all be proud of me today - I was civil with her but didn't engage in any conversations - she asked what I was doing at the weekend and I just said I wasn't sure. My boss actually came to me with a piece of work she had cocked up. I told him I was too busy and to give it back to her - he said something along the lines that she was busy as well (she just never gets anything finished properly) and I told him she had done it in the first place and she could do it again. He backed up and it's been left for her to do! He would rather I did it because he knows I will do it today and sort it - not any more - you have all given me the courage.

Yay! Well done ! The more you stand up for yourself the easier it will get.

Hopefully BMW - fed up getting everything to do because I'm more capable - not happening any more!

Well done OP!

Keep on keeping on. That's the problem with weak Management - he needs to address the issue with her. It's her work and her cock ups. It's not fair to have you constantly available to mop it up when you are paid the same as her.
I know. Been there done that left for another job where everyone pulls their weight equally.

Could she be menopausal? Perhaps she's struggling and the demotion must have been awful for her.You obviously do share stories with her ie: the story about your sons so she's entitled to comment. Workplaces are such melting pots for different personalities and attitudes, sometimes you just need to take very deep breaths.

As i understand it they are on the same level and she has always behaved like this. She speaks to them all like shit because her Manager allows it and palms off all her bad work on OP.

That's not the menopause. (I'm going through it right now.) She's just a bullying bitch.