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Original poster

To have a 5th child

679 replies

Flowerflow · 09/05/2019 12:50

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

OP posts:
Jinxed2 · 09/05/2019 20:39

Can’t believe some of the comments on here! Rude.

HBStowe · 09/05/2019 20:42

You = part of the problem just as much as everybody else. My child isn’t sat using the internet moaning on MN but you here you are. My child doesn’t drive but there is a bigger chance that you do. It definitely IS swings and roundabouts.

This is just deliberately stupid imo.

Using the internet and ‘moaning’ on Mumsnet is very obviously not comparable in environmental terms to having five children.

Your child doesn’t drive yet but very likely will one day (not to mention the food they will consume, the electricity and water they will use, etc) so this is just a palpably stupid point.

Stop making vague reference to meaningless phrases like ‘swings and roundabouts’. It is blatantly and irrefutably the case that having more children vastly increases your carbon footprint.

PinkieTuscadero · 09/05/2019 20:45

I think China's one child policy has been lifted? But you can imagine that the only way they did enforce it when it was law was through pretty brutal methods, medical and financial.

TacoLover · 09/05/2019 20:45

Even as someone who chose to 'excessively procreate' (a delightfully humane phrase used by TacoLover on this page)

I'm not sure how saying 'excessively procreate', i.e. having more children that needed(which in my opinion five is definitely excessive) is inhumane, or inciting hatred towards people who live differently? If everyone lives 'differently' in the same way then none of us will have any lives to liveHmm

AhhhHereItGoes · 09/05/2019 20:47

A lot of people are forgetting that world population is highest in Africa and Asia, not Europe. Yes obviously many will be lack of contraception due to poverty but that still adds to the number. Also, certain cultures tend to have many children.

I think it's very important to do our bit. Tech is evolving for better and worse and new inventive ways for renewable energy are being put into place.

I don't think you're selfish for wanting another, OP. At least no more selfish than someone wanting something that others can't have or technically bring bad for the environment which is nearly everyone.

To be fair though you did ask for people's opinions so it's understandable those who feel passionate about it will talk very strongly about it.

Good luck whatever you decide. Smile

Crushedvelvetcouch · 09/05/2019 20:48

We’re all subsiding this bullshit. It’s easy to just keep banging them out until your fanny collapses if you’re not baring anything close to the true cost of raising them. It goes far beyond clothes and food.

I love this, appart from the incorrect grammar.
Its 'bearing' unless you want those with the collapsed fannies to start baring them to all and sundry.

Priceless. MN at its best, thats why I come here folksGrin

IdentifyasTired · 09/05/2019 20:55

TacoLover

"I'm not sure how saying 'excessively procreate', i.e. having more children that needed(which in my opinion five is definitely excessive) is inhumane, or inciting hatred towards people who live differently? If everyone lives 'differently' in the same way then none of us will have any lives to live".

I didn't say you were inciting hatred but that phrase "excessively procreate" is alienating. Thats why you used it.

funinthesun19 · 09/05/2019 20:56

Ok then Grin
I don’t know how much more I can keep going round in circles. I’ll leave you all to froth. Enjoy your carbon footprint filled lives just as much as everyone else does. Pot kettle black. 👋🏼

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 09/05/2019 20:58

It’s easy to just keep banging them out until your fanny collapses
Is it? Is it easy to bear multiple children? Is it easy to raise them? How funny most of MN seem to find one or two dreadfully hard and exhausting.

IdentifyasTired · 09/05/2019 21:00

China has ended it's one child policy as they are in the midst of a demographic crisis. And as pp said it was enforced through forced abortions and sterilization, fear and oppression. It also greatly contributed to the high rate of infanticide (specifically female infanticide) that plagued China for so many years.

MagicKingdomDizzy · 09/05/2019 21:01

Crushedvelvetcouch

I love this, appart from the incorrect grammar.
Its 'bearing' unless you want those with the collapsed fannies to start baring them to all and sundry.

Whilst we're on the subject of incorrect grammar, it's apart not appart.

Grin
MagicKingdomDizzy · 09/05/2019 21:02

Crushedvelvetcouch

And remember your apostrophes!

TacoLover · 09/05/2019 21:13

I didn't say you were inciting hatred but that phrase "excessively procreate" is alienating. Thats why you used it.

Would you prefer I said "make too many children"?

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 21:15

You = part of the problem just as much as everybody else. My child isn’t sat using the internet moaning on MN but you here you are. My child doesn’t drive but there is a bigger chance that you do. It definitely IS swings and roundabouts.

More nonsense. What does this mean?

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 09/05/2019 21:15

“Excessively procreate” is a bit like sub fertile people calling those who have children “breeders”. Unnecessary.

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 21:17

I didn't say you were inciting hatred but that phrase "excessively procreate" is alienating. Thats why you used it

There's no civilised way of saying 'you've had more children than is sensible'. Alas, sometimes it must be said.

IdentifyasTired · 09/05/2019 21:17

Say what you wish. As I will. But the point I was trying to make is that words matter and the tone of this conversation as a whole has been unpleasant. More than unpleasant. Disturbing. To me anyway. I just used your phrase as one example of many.

IdentifyasTired · 09/05/2019 21:21

But saying 'you've had more children than is sensible' is civilised. More civilised than creepily declaring someone's choice to 'excessively procreate'.

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 21:23

China has ended it's one child policy as they are in the midst of a demographic crisis. And as pp said it was enforced through forced abortions and sterilization, fear and oppression. It also greatly contributed to the high rate of infanticide (specifically female infanticide) that plagued China for so many years.

It's true that China was epically fucked about by Mao, but there's no one amongst us who would wish for another 400 million people on the planet.

HeyNannyNanny · 09/05/2019 21:24

For those of you who are saying that the OP having one extra child is not going to make an impact - do you also not bother to vote?

Crushedvelvetcouch · 09/05/2019 21:25

IdentifyasTired

I agree with you re the tone of the thread, still its best to know who and what you're dealing with.

For some reason those with large families seem to incite if not hatred then certainly discomfort within certain others.
I don't buy for one second that ecological and environmental issues inform even half of this sentiment, convenient though it is to claim so.

It certainly is interesting, to me anyway.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 09/05/2019 21:25

It’s not really a genuine wish to exchange views though is it? When you start using unpleasant offensive phrases, you aren’t going to get a discussion are you? What you get is loud voiced people denigrating a group who are highly unlikely to engage because you dislike what they have done so what “discussion” can happen?

MagicKingdomDizzy · 09/05/2019 21:25

IdentifyasTired

But saying 'you've had more children than is sensible' is civilised. More civilised than creepily declaring someone's choice to 'excessively procreate'.

'Excessively procreate' isn't creepy, it's good English.

People will be offended by anything.

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 21:26

I don't buy for one second that ecological and environmental issues inform even half of this sentiment, convenient though it is to claim so.

Really? Why do you think anyone cares, then?

What other reasons are there?

IdentifyasTired · 09/05/2019 21:30

'Excessively procreate' isn't creepy, it's good English.

People will be offended by anything'

This is a serious subject. This is a conversation where forced sterilization has been touted as a reasonable tool to limit family size. If you want to think me a snowflake then go ahead. But that shit needs calling out. I used Taco's phrase as more throwaway example of the wider discourse.