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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have a 5th child

679 replies

Flowerflow · 09/05/2019 12:50

I have 4 children ages 13, 9, 8 and 4 (5 in a few days), recently DP and I have been discussing have another child, he completely up for it but I'm still a little unsure. I have a few concerns like we currently live in a 4 bedroom house, oldest two share and youngest two have their own bedrooms. 8 year old is the only boy and if were to have another boy they would probably share but there would be a big age gap and DS wouldn't be impressed. That or we move to a bigger house which we might not be able to afford where we currently but would be able to if we move slightly further away. Another concern would be there'll be 5/6 between them and our current youngest so new baby might feel left out or the odd one out although not all our children are very close in age. I'm also unsure about going through pregnancy again, I've never really enjoyed it, baby, toddler stage and so I'll happily go through again but pregnancy I'm willing to go through not exactly happily though. On the other hand I'd love to have a fifth child and these concerns and problems can be worked through

OP posts:
Hiddenaspie1973 · 09/05/2019 18:33

Why bring another into this world?

GreenTeacup · 09/05/2019 18:33

I have found a fantastic article for those of you concerned about this subject

www.leafscience.org/overpopulation/

Well worth a read.

MyNameIsArthur · 09/05/2019 18:38

Sorry I've not read the whole thread and not even the whole OP. Just read about having a fifth child. . The answer is NO! Our planet is overpopulated and we are killing a million species with our recklessness.

saphirox · 09/05/2019 18:38

Op I bet if you said you only have 1 child this thread would of gone totally differentGrin

Freudianslip1 · 09/05/2019 18:38

Someone upthread said they wouldn't worry about how many bedrooms they had when deciding to have another. As one of 5 dc in a 3 bed house I think that is very selfish. I grew up in a box room sharing with my sibling, it wasn't the end of the world but we had no space or privacy whatsoever and when we got to teen years dm debated whether or not to have another baby Hmm My parents had the biggest bedroom and looking back I do resent how squashed we were whilst they had a spacious room yet told everyone we loved sharing Hmm

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 18:40

GreenTeacup I think not. Wink

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Extension_Foundation

The people who wrong GreenTeacup's article all about how overpopulation is a myth:

The Life Extension Foundation (LEF) is a nonprofit organization that sells supplements and vitamins. Its claimed goals are to extend the healthy human lifespan by discovering scientific methods to control aging and eradicate disease. It is headquartered in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

In 1987, the FDA raided the Life Extension Foundation's warehouse, and charged Kent and Faloon with 27 counts, including that of distributing unapproved drugs, in later dropped charges. In response Kent and Faloon opened the FDA Holocaust Museum, a one-room museum that contains "books and articles about life extension" and comparisons between the FDA and the Nazis.[3]

In May 2013, the Internal Revenue Service revoked the Life Extension Foundations tax-exempt status, retroactive to 2006.[4] Forbes reported that "The IRS’ problem with the Foundation is [...] an entirely worldly one: it asserts the membership organization’s operations seem to be too entwined with the for-profit Life Extension Buyers Club."[5] LEF filed a Complaint for Declaratory Judgment on August 7, 2013, in U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia challenging the IRS' allegations.[6] The case is pending.[7] Its most recent tax filing at the time stated that it had assets of over $25 million and netted more than $3 million on revenue of more than $18 million that year.[5]

Activities
The Foundation claims that its primary purpose is to fund research and disseminate information on life extension, preventive medicine, anti-aging and optimal health as well as sports performance, with a focus on hormonal and nutritional supplementation, deriving much of its income from the sale of vitamins and supplements.[8]

In the late 1990s, it sold "antiaging nostrums like DHEA and melatonin," whose "antiaging benefits" mainstream researchers asserted were "dubious or nonexistent".[1]

More recently, it has been involved in providing $5 million in funding to the Stasis Foundation,[5] an organization which aims to build a "Timeship" which would aid in the "cryopreservation of patients, organs, the DNA of humans and endangered species," but had been threatened with the loss of nonprofit status due to the lack of construction up to the year 2011.[9] In 2016, the Stasis Foundation claimed to have begun work on the Timeship.[10]

Iris1654 · 09/05/2019 18:41

The planet is dying.

4 is too many!

NameChangedNoImagination · 09/05/2019 18:41

Lol at the environmental frothers, who probably all use plastic, drive cars and go on holiday in aeroplanes.

chaoscategorised · 09/05/2019 18:42

I think having a fifth child in the circumstances you've described would be selfish/not a good idea. You don't seem enthused by it, either.

FWIW, I also think having a fifth child in light of environmental concerns is selfish. I read the Uninhabitable Earth recently and that, plus the news this week that we are destroying the species who live on earth due to climate change, has made me think very differently about having children. Even if we were to pull a massive u-turn now and address the cause, we've still caused enormous amounts of damage to the planet and we are reaping what we've sown. Not sure I can justify bringing 1 child into a world where they will face (and cause) increased environmental pressures, never mind 5. In the past few years we have cut car travel down by 50% in our household, have dramatically cut our plastics and non-recyclables use, not taken holidays which required air travel, started buying second hand clothes more often, switched to green energy suppliers etc - not that I expect my one (or two, including OH) contribution to make a difference by itself, but because I'm very aware that we are sleepwalking into irreparable disaster and the irony is that the one thing the media should be screaming about, it has ignored for years. It's been a big part of the conversation about whether to have children - do we feel that our desire as a couple to reproduce is more important than living in a way which is as minimally damaging as possibly? Does my desire not to have an only child, where possible, amount to selfishness when one child 'fulfils' that desire to reproduce? Do we adopt a child (I was adopted, so not a decision we are approaching lightly)?

goodwinter · 09/05/2019 18:42

You people have been brainwashed with propaganda about an overpopulated world when in reality we need more babies because we have a bigger ageing population. Who is going to support them?

Yikes. The irony is that your statement is actually capitalist propaganda. We would only need to keep having babies to
"support" an ageing population because pensions are essentially a big pyramid scheme - because your point doesn't apply to actual, genuine physical support, it's all about financial growth to the detriment of our planet.

goodwinter · 09/05/2019 18:42

You people have been brainwashed with propaganda about an overpopulated world when in reality we need more babies because we have a bigger ageing population. Who is going to support them?

Yikes. The irony is that your statement is actually capitalist propaganda. We would only need to keep having babies to
"support" an ageing population because pensions are essentially a big pyramid scheme - because your point doesn't apply to actual, genuine physical support, it's all about financial growth to the detriment of our planet.

mydogisthebest · 09/05/2019 18:44

winenowpls, you don't know what posters may be doing to help the planet.

Also your comments about people can have as many children as they want is arrogant and stupid. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should

Mombie · 09/05/2019 18:46

I have four amazing human beings. Contrary to opinion, it’s not because I love popping out likkle babas and letting them fend for themselves, while I get drunk with my dole cheque. Each one is awesome, happy, content and well taken care of. We have amazing chats and fun. So much so, that all of we are always attracting those bored only children and two-siblings who seem to think that our house is the fun house. Even on holiday (which we can actually afford!), where my children can swim (cos u know they have had swimming lessons-gasp!), those bored-ass kids follow us around cos they want to join the circus.

Sorry OP that was totally unhelpful, but there is so much shade being thrown at larger families on this thread so I thought I would throw some back.

Personally, I wouldn’t have a fifth because we are complete and content as we are.

goodwinter · 09/05/2019 18:46

Lol at the environmental frothers, who probably all use plastic, drive cars and go on holiday in aeroplanes.

"If you don't live in a mud hut with no electricity then you're not allowed to think having five children is bad for the environment" - is that really your argument?

I don't drive, I very rarely fly, I went vegetarian in part for the environmental impact, and I try hard to reduce my plastic consumption. I also don't have any children. Am I allowed to criticise now or am I not pure enough?

bellalou1234 · 09/05/2019 18:47

Bloody hell op theyre some twits on here tonight. Have a baby itll be lovrd and bring joy

NameChangedNoImagination · 09/05/2019 18:49

goodwinter you're extremely unusual in a good way. I doubt 99% of the other people on this thread who bitched about the environment have done what you have.

Ihatehashtags · 09/05/2019 18:50

Why do you want another child? My first thought when I read your post was “wow you must be loaded!” Paying for new clothes, school devices,sports trips away , weddings, university for five kids. You must be millionaires!!

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 18:50

Lol at the environmental frothers, who probably all use plastic, drive cars and go on holiday in aeroplanes.

I'm really baffled by this argument. Let's assume that we're all bad consumers on this thread. Doesn't that mean that 5 kids is 2.5x as bad as 2 kids?

And doesn't that mean that their pool of grandchildren will be 2.5x as bad the 2-kid pool?

And so on, ad infinitum?

Or are we to accept that people who have 5 children are somehow more ecologically minded than those who have 2, and that they'll be able to instil this in their offspring (ad infinitum)?

Please let's not talk about the handing down of prams, this represents a teensy fraction of lifetime consumption.

winenowpls · 09/05/2019 18:51

@mydogisthebest ok so if that's the case are you going to tell all the pregnant people on here or people trying for baby's getting positives that they shouldn't be doing that and are silly for getting pregnant because I don't think that'd go down very well

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/05/2019 18:52

Op I bet if you said you only have 1 child this thread would of gone totally different grin

Bit difficult to consider having a 5th child as your next one if you only currently have 1 Grin

AlaskanOilBaron · 09/05/2019 18:53

op I bet if you said you only have 1 child this thread would of gone totally different

Yes, it would have. Wink

As Sausage said, that's really neither here nor there.

winenowpls · 09/05/2019 18:55

It wouldn't be her 5th though it would of been her 2nd wouldn't it?Grin let the woman do what she wants

WoWsers16 · 09/05/2019 18:55

I’ve not read the whole thread as got annoyed within the first few pages! Lol

I have 3 children and would totally have another 1 or 2 if I could afford it and had the space! I wouldn’t even think of the environment and population If I’m honest- as there’s other families who are popping out a lot more children than I ever would with a lot more issues that mine would ever bring!!
I think it sounds you are not quite sure- however as soon as baby will be in your arms you’ll forget all that! 34 is a good age to still have another one - and you have a good chance one of them will be a millionaire hehe!
You are right OP- there’s thousands of people TTC right now- and when I was trying for my third I thought if I’m lucky enough to get pregnant (as so many people can’t) then why wouldn’t I! Xx go for it!! Xx

HBStowe · 09/05/2019 18:55

Everyone moaning about the planet but instead of doing anything to help it your sat behind a phone telling someone not to have a 5th child

Please just fuck off. I already don’t eat meat, virtually no dairy, grow loads of my own veg in my allotment and eat seasonally & organic with what I buy, go to strenuous efforts to avoid single use plastics, recycle religiously, travel by train whenever possible inc holidays abroad. Have no kids, wouldn’t countenance more than 2 in any event. We are THIRTY YEARS from irretrievable global breakdown due to climate change - it is absolutely not unreasonable to point out that under the circumstances, individuals deciding they’re entitled to five children because they’re broody and like babies is inexcusably selfish, irresponsible and stupid.

PCohle · 09/05/2019 18:56

Op I bet if you said you only have 1 child this thread would of gone totally different

Yes if OP had posted about an entirely different set of circumstances she would have got different answers. Shocking I know.

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