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AIBU?

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Original poster

...about the ****ing risotto?

182 replies

marvik · 09/05/2019 09:02

At the moment the household consists of 21 year old daughter (temping), self (freelancing from home and elsewhere) plus husband (retired)

Yesterday I was working at home and had planned to make a slightly fiddly risotto and pesto dish in the evening - to be served some salad. I'd got some stock out of the freezer in advance. My husband was around, my daughter had gone to her job, when a text came in asking if I could do a small piece of work elsewhere in the city and if so how quickly could I get there. Though it was badly paid I had reasons for wanting to say yes. So I told my husband I was off, flung crisps and a cereal bar in my bag and said I'd do the risotto the following day.

I got back after a difficult day to find my husband having a meltdown, going on and on about how the recipe book lied etc etc. He'd decided to do the risotto - because 'he knew how to d it' - but it was taking longer than he thought and the rice was 'refusing to cook'. (Suspect he hadn't fried it properly at the appropriate stage and was adding the stock cold.)

He'd thought our daughter was going to help but she wasn't back. Who was going to do the pesto? I said not me, as a) I'd been out at work and b) had advised him not to do the dish but c) suggested one or two things he could do that were quicker and easier than home-made pesto that would mean he could get the meal done.

Eventually my daughter came back and made him some pesto.

I was seriously hungry by the time we sat down to a plate of undercooked starch plus my daughter's pesto. No salad - or other veg. I then had to hurry out to see friends

This morning I said I was annoyed at being asked to help/his inability to cook independently when my daughter and I had been out at work. He'd had plenty of time and I'd made it clear that I'd been happy to cook the more complicated dish when I was around. I felt that he was trying to communicate that he couldn't cope with changes of plan and wanted support at all times.

He said no, no I was quite wrong and all he'd wanted to do was make something 'really special' as a 'treat' for me when I got back - 'because I'd been working'...

I can cope with the odd cooking foul-up, but I just feel so fed up with him today.

OP posts:
MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:32

If my DH were retired and I was still working FT I wouldn’t expect to even think about shopping/cooking during the working week. I would expect him to take complete charge and to do a great job.

SignedUpJust4This · 09/05/2019 09:32

I suspect this isn't about a risotto but that old devil 'built up resentment'

Are you just generally frustrated at how useless/unhelpful your husband is?

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:32

It’s quite easy to infer, Catching.

IAmNotAWitch · 09/05/2019 09:33

We have both fucked up recipes here. I don't see the big deal.

If it's edible we eat it, and if not we eat something else.

bellinisurge · 09/05/2019 09:33

Is it helpful to say that my dh can easily cook a risotto? As can I?
Ridiculous that he couldn't. Or couldn't come up with a tolerable substitute.

cottonwoolmouth · 09/05/2019 09:33

Well he obviously wanted to make the risotto. As an adult does he have to have your permission to cook it? Confused

I think I your being controlling.

At least he wasn’t lay on the couch scratching his balls asking what was tea when you walked in....

HappydaysArehere · 09/05/2019 09:33

RaptorWhiskers is right if you just boil long enough the rice gets cooked but that is boiled rice and not risotto. You do need a gentle fry up in oil /butter with whatever you need to put in it - say mushrooms - butternut squash - and then gradually add the stock (hot) all the time stirring. It is the stirring that gives risotto its creamy taste. The adding of the stock goes on and the stirring until it is cooked. Other than that white wine can be added as well as stock and anything else that takes your fancy like peas, cold chicken whatever.

SarahAndQuack · 09/05/2019 09:33

Why is she overreacting?

So far as I can see, her reaction has been 1) to politely eat an unappetising meal and 2) to raise an issue the morning after.

Are we seriously suggesting it's unreasonable for women to ever criticise their husbands?

OTOH, the husband has welcomed her back with a meltdown, blaming the recipe book and the rice (!), and expecting help from his daughter who was busy.

That sounds to me like a very rude and unnecessary reaction. If I'd come in tired from work, I would not have been as patient as the OP.

And saying he 'wanted to make something special' is a piss poor excuse. If that's true, where's the apology about the temper tantrum the previous night?

I can understand getting frazzled if you're a bad cook and you messed up trying to do something nice, but I can't understand not having the self-awareness to realise you need to apologise if you've spoilt a meal and got angry with inanimate objects.

RaptorWhiskers · 09/05/2019 09:37

Anyone who believes this has never eaten risotto
Anyone who believes that risotto is complicated and requires a specific technique fails to understand the science of how a risotto cooks. Frying the rice makes it slightly firmer and nuttier tasting. Adding the stock slowly just makes it easier to avoid adding too much liquid. Chucking it all in together makes it slightly creamier and softer, but not so massively different that it’s no longer a risotto. And there’s nothing magic about the rice that means it will refuse to cook if it hasn’t been fried and slowly massaged - any rice in liquid will cook if you boil it for long enough.

RaptorWhiskers · 09/05/2019 09:38

It is the stirring that gives risotto its creamy taste
Actually it isn’t. Hence the success of all these “no stir” risotto recipes. The starch is on the outside of the rice grains, you don’t need to stir to release it.

chocolateandpinkgin · 09/05/2019 09:38

I understand your frustration, I'd be a bit annoyed too if I'd specifically asked him not to do that dish, however it sounds like he was just trying to help and I do feel a bit sorry for him tbh

cottonwoolmouth · 09/05/2019 09:39

We have both fucked up recipes here. I don't see the big deal

Same here. I’m renown for my roast dinner gravy. One Christmas I accidentally used a Chinese stock cube in stead of a beef one 😭😭😭

No one died.

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:39

Frying the rice makes it slightly firmer and nuttier tasting.

No - that is not the science of risotto. “Tostare il riso” is not frying the rice but cooking it in the fat in order to release starch which is what makes the risotto creamy. Risotto does not require stirring at all if the “tostare il riso” starch releasing stage has been done properly.

SarahAndQuack · 09/05/2019 09:39

I agree with raptor that you could certainly make an edible dish, even if not to your taste, from what the OP's describing.

If the OP had come home and her DH were frazzled, saying 'sorry love, I thought I could do this but I've messed it up, would you mind taking over' or 'argh, I fucked up, I'm afraid it's not ready yet,' I doubt she would be posting, would she?

The issue is a manchild who was having a strop because he'd made a mess.

SpeckleDust · 09/05/2019 09:40

YANBU

I read this and thought there must be a German word for how your husband acted (to make something worse in an honest but failed attempt to improve it). And there is! He was verschlimmbessern.

It would've annoyed me too, particularly if I'd expressly told him that I would do that meal the following day.

Catchingbentcoppers · 09/05/2019 09:41

It’s quite easy to infer, Catching. Yes, if you're actively looking for something. The OP said that she had planned to make the risotto, perhaps she wanted to make it. I find cooking is one of my ways to relax, maybe she's the same. Who knows?

None of us can guess the dynamics of a marriage from a couple of posts.

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:42

None of us can guess the dynamics of a marriage from a couple of posts.

Speak for yourself and your own skills of literary analysis Grin

SplashPad · 09/05/2019 09:43

I can see both points of view. I completely understand why you are annoyed but also think your husband was trying to be helpful.

My DH is like this with laundry. If he puts a load on then every single time he either damages/shrinks something or he seems to just leave out odd items that he could have put in which then leaves me with things that need washing but I don't have a full load!

It's so frustrating! I have told him if he wants to help then don't touch the laundry or just do his and leave the children's clothes and mine alone!

Singlenotsingle · 09/05/2019 09:43

He tried. He deserves brownie points for trying. Could you not just have ordered a takeaway? At least the ingredients for a risotto aren't expensive so no money wasted. Do the risotto tonight.

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:45

God, men fucking up laundry Angry. My DH’s exW’s new boyfriend regularly washes DSS’s white work shirts with black socks meaning that I then cannot wash them at our house with the rest of the whites.

RaptorWhiskers · 09/05/2019 09:46

Tostare il riso is not frying the rice but cooking it in the fat in order to release starch which is what makes the risotto creamy
The starch is on the outside of the rice grains. Frying doesn’t release it. You could rinse the rice in water and see the cloudy water where the starch has rinsed off the rice. Then try cooking the washed rice and it won’t thicken because you’ve washed the starch off!

Rock0n · 09/05/2019 09:46

Alternative scenario:

OP: Thanks for making dinner, let me have a quick taste.Oh, rice is slightly underdone, let me add a bit more liquid and cook it for a few more minutes.
DH: No problem, I'll set the table while its finishing and get you a glass of wine.
OP: Ah, I was going to serve it with pesto. Can't be bothered with all that faffing so I'll just quickly blitz some nice olive oil and basil.
OP: Oh, and some salad. [spends 2 minutes putting some lettuce, cucumber etc in a bowl.]
OP: There we go, 5 minutes effort and all is good with the world. Slurp. Chomp. Slurp

So a whole non issue that could of been solved in 5 minutes instead of being a drama queen.

MariaNovella · 09/05/2019 09:47

It’s not frying. The starch is released into the fat and it is the combination of fat, starch and stock cooking together that thickens the stock and makes risotto creamy.

RaptorWhiskers · 09/05/2019 09:49

Here you go: The science of risotto: www.seriouseats.com/2011/10/the-food-lab-the-science-of-risotto.html

Frying the rice makes it LESS creamy. And the starch is on the outside of the rice grains.

PJMasksAreOnTheirWay · 09/05/2019 09:50

BBC good food have a great baked risotto that doesn’t take three hours to cook. Just thought I’d say that for no reason at all.

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