Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be annoyed at DP for demanding an apology?

68 replies

Whatisnormalhere · 09/05/2019 07:33

My DP is mad at me....
I asked him if he had looked for any jobs lately. He said he did yesterday when I took our 2 year old son out. But he had a friend over that day... and when we came back he watched TV all night so I didn't believe him. I told him I think he's lying. He got upset and said I owe him an apology. He showed me that he had applied for 3 jobs. But they were on the 6th, not yesterday which was the 8th. I pointed this out but he didn't care. He said I owe him an apology again. Also I asked him why he didn't tell me about the jobs. He said why do I have to tell you? I said because it would be nice to know you are actually looking... 😐
Now he isn't talking to me till I apologize
He hasn't been able to find and hold a job in the time that we have been together, almost 3 years now. For those wondering, I'm a stay at home mum.

Am I in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Ruru8thestars · 09/05/2019 07:35

Yes, for staying with this dead beat. How do you afford to live?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 09/05/2019 07:36

Yes. YOU most defintieyl ARE in teh wrong.

The wrong relationship
The wrong mindset
The wrong house

Neither of you work
Either of you could get a job
Neither of you have bothered

Why?

Do you want to change that?

How?

bigbadbadger · 09/05/2019 07:37

So neither of you work and he is lying about job hunting? It sounds like he has no intention of getting a job if it’s been 3 years. Why don’t you look for work?

MrsBungle · 09/05/2019 07:37

Why on earth are you with him? How do you both afford to live and pay bills?

NabooThatsWho · 09/05/2019 07:37

You have been together 3 years and have a 2 year old son? So he didn’t have a job when you met him?
Why don’t you work?

He sounds like a lazy sod who can’t be bothered to work, he has a child to support now. With neither of you working how do you pay your bills?

Wolfiefan · 09/05/2019 07:37

He watched TV all night? Is he a teen? Confused
If he gets a job why can’t he hold on to it? What’s going wrong?
Honestly he sounds like a manchild who brings nothing to this relationship.

ReturnofSaturn · 09/05/2019 07:38

Well if he's not been working for a while why haven't you been applying for jobs?

TheTrollFairy · 09/05/2019 07:38

If he can’t hold down a job why aren’t you looking for work? And he can be a stay at home dad.
How do you afford to live with no income coming in?

00100001 · 09/05/2019 07:39

THREE YEARS??

fucking hell, he could get a retail job it packing job it anything in 3 weeks if he actually bothered applying for them.

I had a friend claim there were "no jobs" after looking for a month or so

I got him to send me his CV.

Applied for 15 jobs for him and in 10 days he had been invited to 3 interviews and started working around a week later.

It was in a supermarket, stacking shelves. But he was working

Your bf sounds like a lazy twat

CharityConundrum · 09/05/2019 07:40

If he's at home anyway, how come you're a SAHM?

Reddedder · 09/05/2019 07:40

Why aren’t you working? Seems a bit rich that you’re going on at him when you aren’t doing anything.

grumpyyetgorgeous · 09/05/2019 07:40

That sounds frustrating and far from ideal but you don't work either is that right? So maybe you should both be job hunting and whoever gets a job first can work whilst the other cares for your dc? That way you will be supporting each other to find jobs as it sounds like you're pushing your dh to get a job but at the same time asserting your own right not to work.
I agree with pp being unable to get and keep a job isn't an attractive quality in a partner.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/05/2019 07:40

It sounds like you are understandably stressed. It isn't great to feel like your dp is monitoring you, but it doesn't sound like you have much option.

I do think that you should probably both be looking for work if you don't have anyone employed in the family.

Twillow · 09/05/2019 07:40

Sounds as if he wants to be a SAHD? It would make sense for you to work instead in this situation...

FilthyforFirth · 09/05/2019 07:42

Why aren't you working?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/05/2019 07:43

Is there a reason neither of you work?

How on earth do you manage for money?

TidyDancer · 09/05/2019 07:48

If you're determined to stay with him I would look for a job yourself if I were you. I would do this anyway tbh. How are you making this work money wise? If you're both unemployed I'm not sure one nagging the other to get a job is really a good dynamic.

Ellisandra · 09/05/2019 07:51

Is he a SAHD wondering when you’re going to get off your lazy arse and work? Confused

OKBobble · 09/05/2019 07:55

If he has been like this the whole time you have been together why would you bring a child into the mix? Are you also providing him with evidence of the jobs you are applying for? Both of you should be looking.

BollocksToBrexit · 09/05/2019 08:01

Don't worry about it OP, I'm sure taxpayers are more than happy to support you all.

Cake
bamboofibre · 09/05/2019 08:02

Both of you are lazy. Why aren't you trying to work, too? Get rid of him and go to work and support your child.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 09/05/2019 08:05

You are both unreasonable to not be supporting your child.

Original poster
Whatisnormalhere · 09/05/2019 08:06

Thanks for you honest replies. I don't work cause I have depression and I'm autistic. I know these are just excuses... I need to see a therapist so I can get over my fear of working.
We live with Dp parents. They let us live here rent free till we find work. Though we pay the internet bill. We are both on welfare, we live in Australia.
He can't be a stay at home dad because he doesn't watch our son properly. He spends a lot of his time playing computer games with his friends.
Once when I went shopping and left our son with him, my son got into some of his diabetes pills and took half of one. All while my partner was in the toilet... we had to take him to the hospital. He also accidentally dislocated our sons arm while
playing with him once.

He also doesn't clean... but he will cook. So I'm worried if I work I'll come home to a messy house and have to do all the cleaning while looking after our son cause can't do it properly on his own.

We buy all our own food and clothes and stuff... I wanted to pay his parents rent but they have a gambling problem so won't accept any money from me.

I know I should leave him. I wanted to and I have told him this multiple times. I've even suggested living apart together. But he always talks me into staying. Saying he will change. I know it isn't just him... it is me too.

Yes only 3 years... I got pregnant with him when we started dating. It was an accident but I don't regret it because I love my son to bits.

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 09/05/2019 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FriarTuck · 09/05/2019 08:09

Okay, so I get after the update that work would be a struggle for you & that he'd be useless looking after DC but had you thought about working from home doing something? I have autism and that's what I do now. His parents must be seriously unimpressed that neither of you are working but are living with them.