To be annoyed at DP for demanding an apology?

[Whatisnormalhere]

My DP is mad at me....
I asked him if he had looked for any jobs lately. He said he did yesterday when I took our 2 year old son out. But he had a friend over that day... and when we came back he watched TV all night so I didn't believe him. I told him I think he's lying. He got upset and said I owe him an apology. He showed me that he had applied for 3 jobs. But they were on the 6th, not yesterday which was the 8th. I pointed this out but he didn't care. He said I owe him an apology again. Also I asked him why he didn't tell me about the jobs. He said why do I have to tell you? I said because it would be nice to know you are actually looking... 😐
Now he isn't talking to me till I apologize
He hasn't been able to find and hold a job in the time that we have been together, almost 3 years now. For those wondering, I'm a stay at home mum.

Am I in the wrong here?

Once when I went shopping and left our son with him, my son got into some of his diabetes pills and took half of one. All while my partner was in the toilet... we had to take him to the hospital. He also accidentally dislocated our sons arm while playing with him once.

WTF? Why in God's name are you with this man?

It sounds like the issue is with both of you not just him so it’s a bit rich of you to get so angry with him!

You are BOTH parents now so you both need to be making the effort to provide for your child.

I know I should leave him. I wanted to and I have told him this multiple times. I've even suggested living apart together. But he always talks me into staying. Saying he will change. I know it isn't just him... it is me too

Well he isn't talking to you atm though is he? If you want to leave then leave.

He'll never change OP. Don't have anymore babies with him.

You’re both being unreasonable

I'd also throw in that the parents of this loser are being unreasonable too. He's not going to change OP and why should he? Living at mum and dad's, getting everything done for him, free to play computer games all day.

You are throwing your life away staying with this waste of space.

Well he sounds like a waste of space, also careless and possibly violent.
Your domestic situation sounds terrible. You need to leave this man and his dysfunctional family. I don't know what assistance their is in your country for women in your situation, but I would find out and take advantage of it asap.

You can do so much better than this OP. You need to leave. Your son deserves better too than this useless lump of a man-child.

So leave without a discussion. Organise somewhere else to go and do it.

Him and his whole family sound like a disaster so living by yourself with DS wont really be any different to now other than you know that if you leave the house the only mess you're coming to is your own.

I don't know how welfare in Aus works but do you have council/social housing that you could apply for? Or is there help for rent in a private rent?

Good luck, OP.

After 3 years out of work he’s resolved to that situation forever by the sounds of it. Simply applying for jobs is just to pay lip service and keep the critics off his back.

A bit weird he’s NEVER had a job since you’ve been together and you’re still together.

The only thing wrong here is why you're still with him and having babies with him. Lazy sod. I feel so amazing working my ass off every day so that he (and presumably you) can stay at home.

Unlikely you’re paying for them @Peaches, they’re in Australia!

To see previous posters who think the OP is lazy, AFTER her update.

Being autistic is a disability. A majority of people on the spectrum do not and cannot work. It’s not about being lazy.

Being depressed is an illness and whilst some people can manage to work (thanks to medication), not all people can. Depression is a comorbidity if autism and often that sort of depression doesn’t respond well to antidepressants. Being ill with a MH is not being lazy either. It’s being ill.

So I have a big issue with anyone who is tell to someone with a disability AND an illness that they HAVE TO go to work. That they are LAZY for not working.
And Tbh, it doesn’t reflect well into yourself either.

@Whatisnormalhere you have two issues here. Your health and wether you can make it alone, can cope with a young baby in your own and even maybe find a job and hold said job down.
And your partner.

Regarding your partner, he is lazy and should be looking for a job. I’m amazed that his parents haven’t told him the same and given him some sort of ultimatum. Unless they re worried about their grandchild ending up homeless and that why they are not saying anything.
Your question was valid and so was your comment about the fact he lied. There is no excuse or apologising needed there. Just let him stew and not talk to you.

In the mean time, go and find that counsellor. You need someone to support you. Not just about work but about living in your own with your ds, separating from that partner that isnt really a partner and make a life for yourself with your child wo the end weight that his father is.

Of course he won't change,he's a lazy,selfish manchild who's life is too easy. Therefore it's up to you to make the changes OP by either getting therapy and a job,thus forcing him to grow up and look after his child (you never know the shock of looking after a toddler alone may well spur him on to find a job sharpish) or taking your child out of there and leaving him to rot in front of the screen. The choice is yours OP.

Just read a few more posts since I started writing my post. Arrrg
just to repeat again.

Being autistic is a DISABILITY, not being lazy. If the OP cannot work because of it, that’s because of her disability.

Being depressed is an ILLNESS, not being lazy. If the Op is struggling with work because of it, it’s because if her illness.

As none of you have any idea of how her disability and her MH is affecting her daily life, might stop her from being able to work etc.... maybe stop bashing the most vulnerable and starting supporting her instead.

It is NOT as easy as ‘just leave’ or ‘just find a job’. It wouod already not be just as easy as that for any NT, not ill person. It will not be the case for the OP.

dislocated sons shoulder? ds took a tablet? parents have a gambling problem? seriously what the heck are you doing with such a family surely is not good for you son

Both sound bone idle

If he wants to stay home and has no job you don’t need to be at home with the kids. So why don’t you get a job?

No point blaming him when you’re doing the same. You should both be looking.

He dislocated your sons arm?!?
You need to leave him. Now.

As for the I can’t leave him alone with the kid 1) why are you with him then, 2) you live with his parents.....

I really feel for you OP, do you have any family you can go and live with?

You need to make a plan to leave him
He's not helping you or his son
He's not providing for you

He's taking the piss. l'm 60, l have arthritis and l had a job interview on 30th April. l found out the same day that l had the job, and l start my training on Monday. lt would have been sooner but l needed a DBS check. That came back within the week.
There are jobs out there if you want/need one. lt may not be 'the perfect job' but it puts food on the table.
The job l'm going to be doing is totally new to me, but l need the money. And the role involves looking after people, so l'll be helping and supporting them. l don't know if l'll be able to do it, but l'm going to give it a damn good go.