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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take my daughter to the GP for this?

76 replies

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:49

I have a daughter who lives with me (she’s in her early twenties) and she just eats constantly. She is well within the normal bmi range so weight isn’t really the concern. She eats well over double what most people would eat in a day. It’s getting to the point where I’m struggling to afford all her food. She was bulimic when she was younger but she had treatment and there’s no evidence that she is now (she stays downstairs after eating and her teeth are good) and she says she eats because she’s hungry (rather than out of emotion). I was just wondering if it would be a waste of the gps time to take her for an appointment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

OP posts:

Haggisfish · 08/05/2019 22:50

Could be overactive thyroid? I’d keep a food diary with quantities for a week or two to take with you.

Original poster

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:50

Also I forgot to mention that she doesn’t appear unwell and she says she feels well within herself and she doesn’t get too tired

OP posts:

Catmum26 · 08/05/2019 22:52

she’s an adult why would YOU be taking her to the dr? if you can’t afford the food tell her she’s got to pay towards it. if you’re sure she’s no longer bulimic, maybe she’s just one of these people who can eat and eat and not gain weight?

Original poster

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:52

@haggisfish thank you for your reply! I looked at overactive thyroid but she doesn’t appear to have any other symptoms so I wasn’t sure

OP posts:

CaptainCabinets · 08/05/2019 22:53

Peeing a lot? Thirsty? Tired?

Bringonspring · 08/05/2019 22:54

Oooo it’s hard because I was about to say keeping s food diary is a really good idea but then it’s probably actually not for someone recovering from an eating disorder to start focusing too much on food/what they are consuming.!

Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 22:55

Er, she's an adult, surely she takes herself to the Drs, if she's concerned?

Also, not unusual for young people to need significantly more calories than older women. At that age I would have eaten a heck of a lot more than my mother, just through having a faster metabolism that hadn't yet hit menopause.

The financial issue is different. Why isn't she paying for her own food?

yearinyearout · 08/05/2019 22:56

She's old enough to make her own decisions about whether she goes to the doctors or not. And why isn't she paying keep/contributing to her own food bill?

Original poster

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:56

@catmum26 thank you for your reply! I’d take her to the drs because I’m worried about her and she doesn’t see that there’s a problem herself. It’s not a normal amount of food that she’s eating.

OP posts:

PinkDaffodil2 · 08/05/2019 22:56

What are you worried about? It sounds like she’s eating the right amount for her if she isn’t gaining too much weight and is otherwise well. Some people have a higher metabolism especially while young. If you had a tall athletic son then he could well have similar calorie requirements and no one would think it odd. As she’s an adult do you pay for all her food or does she contribute? If she’s living at home and you’re struggling to afford bills be that food or utilities then maybe you need to reassess what she contributes financially without making it about food per se as it sounds like she’s recovering from an eating disorder.

Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 22:57

Also, I would tread VERY carefully about raising any concerns that she is eating too much, given her history. Huge potential to do way more harm than good.

cloudymelonade · 08/05/2019 22:58

Some people just have big appetites. If she doesn't see a problem, she's an adult, leave her to it.
What is she eating that's too much in your opinion?

Original poster

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:01

@tolleshunt thank you for your reply! She pays rent (albeit not that much) but I still do the food shop. I know she’s an adult but she has a history of a severe eating disorder (she also has adhd but I appreciate that’s a separate issue) so she is vulnerable- she can’t understand that she’s overeating

OP posts:

CloserIAm2Fine · 08/05/2019 23:03

I’d be extremely wary of voicing concerns that she’s eating too much, given her history of eating disorder!

If she feels well in herself and isn’t gaining weight then I really wouldn’t drag her to the doctors. She’s an adult who feels healthy and doesn’t want to go to the doctors. You really can’t “take her” if she doesn’t want to go.

janetforpresident · 08/05/2019 23:04

I agree with others it's her decision with yours. She should be contributing to food bills. Perhaps you are more focused on what she is eating because of her history with eating disorders but you could do more harm than good by mentioning it to her. Just let her be.

Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 23:04

I can understand your concern, given her history. Very worrying. But is she actually overeating if she's not gaining weight?

What would a typical day's food intake look like for her?

Wasywasydoodah · 08/05/2019 23:06

Surely she can’t be overeating if she’s not gaining weight? That makes no sense...

janetforpresident · 08/05/2019 23:06

"with" meant "not"

After your update I would suggest that you have a different approach to food shopping which gives her more of an awareness of what things are costing. If you spend an agreed amount then if she wants extras she has to pay herself. Could she even do the shopping herself or at the very least come with you. Or you could sit together and do an online shop.

cranstonmanor · 08/05/2019 23:07

What does she eat? I could eat like a horse at that age, anf now I gain weight on a plain salad. Age does change how much you need to eat. Are you sure it's too mich?

3luckystars · 08/05/2019 23:08

Is it just a lot compared to you?

AfterTrentham · 08/05/2019 23:08

If her weight is stable and she's happy and well, why are you worried? I'm a GP and tbh if you brought your adult daughter to see me (with her consent, of course) I'd be a bit nonplussed. I'd probably do some basic bloods if you were worried but I'd be surprised if there's anything wrong. But nobody on the Intetnet can really comment because we haven't seen her or had access to her medical records. So if you're worried, by all means encourage her to see her GP, but don't be surprised if they don't do much.

kbPOW · 08/05/2019 23:09

I think it's quite important for you to describe a typical day's intake of food that you see as double what a normal adult would eat. Hopefully you won't tell her that you're looking at this.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 08/05/2019 23:10

I used to work with a woman who never stopped eating but didn't put on weight. It's normal for some people. I don't understand why you're bothered. Seems like a non problem. Let your DD get on with it.

ReganSomerset · 08/05/2019 23:11

Are you sure she actually is overeating? Some people's perceptions of normal food intake are wildly off. I'm also concerned by the possibility of causing a relapse of her bulemia.

category12 · 08/05/2019 23:12

Do you have issues around food yourself, OP?

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