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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my daughter to the GP for this?

76 replies

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:49

I have a daughter who lives with me (she’s in her early twenties) and she just eats constantly. She is well within the normal bmi range so weight isn’t really the concern. She eats well over double what most people would eat in a day. It’s getting to the point where I’m struggling to afford all her food. She was bulimic when she was younger but she had treatment and there’s no evidence that she is now (she stays downstairs after eating and her teeth are good) and she says she eats because she’s hungry (rather than out of emotion). I was just wondering if it would be a waste of the gps time to take her for an appointment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
Floatyboat · 08/05/2019 23:12

Totally unreasonable. Get a grip. She's a grown woman.

bebeboeuf · 08/05/2019 23:13

I was like this with over active thyroid.

I was eating a shopping bag full of food every day.
It was costing a fortune.

A very good endocrinologist helped me

Imstickingwiththisone · 08/05/2019 23:13

Can you give us an idea of what she eats in a day? Can she contribute towards the food shop? I assume if she was living alone she wouldn't be able to afford to eat excessively therefore it's not a bad lesson to remind her of the financial cost of her eating so much.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:14

@tolleshunt thank you so much for your further reply!
For breakfast she has: porridge with two bananas and yoghurt and beans on toast (two slices) she’ll have a hot chocolate just before she goes to work also
Lunch: she’ll have a hot meal (e.g. spaghetti bolognaise), she then has a pain au chocolat, a yoghurt and an apple
Mid afternoon: she’ll have a ham and lettuce sandwich and another hot chocolate
Dinner: she’ll have another hot meal usually with bread on the side and also a salad on the side (even though the meal has veg in it)
For pudding she’ll normally have a slice of cake
Before bed she’ll have: another hot chocolate and two slices of toast with strawberry jam
I do feel that she eats excessively (I realise that I’m probably coming across as quite a controlling mum!)

OP posts:
StuckInsideAnEcho · 08/05/2019 23:15

I have a generalised eating disorder and sometimes I eat like your daughter seems to. It could be linked.

bebeboeuf · 08/05/2019 23:15

That seems similar levels to me with my thyroid playing up

I had other symptoms - does she struggle to sleep, jittery, hotter than normal?

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2019 23:15

She is an adult, you cannot make her go to a gp, or seek their advice on her behalf GDPR.

Imstickingwiththisone · 08/05/2019 23:18

Yeah that's loads actually OP.

I would point out that she's eating for two and ask for money towards the shopping. I'd mention the other symptoms and tell her she should see a Dr if theres anything else going on with her huge appetite but that it's fine if she doesn't have them (but still make her pay for the food)

Given her history I don't think you can go on about this too much or force a visit to the Dr.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:18

@purplecorkheart thank you for your reply. She’s given written consent for me to speak to her doctor. I also have power of attorney due to her adhd (she can make poor decisions)

OP posts:
Floatyboat · 08/05/2019 23:19

And what is her opinion on all this?

TatianaLarina · 08/05/2019 23:20

One of my best friends had anorexia followed by bulimia, had treatment and recovered.

Some time later she started overeating but this time didn’t vomit after. Was seen by her psychiatrists as part of the ED. It’s not uncommon apparently.

She did eventually put on a lot of weight. But not immediately.

I agree your DD is eating a lot of food.

It might help her take responsibility and register the amount she is eating if she has to pay for her food.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:22

@category12 thank you for your reply! I don’t think I have any eating issues myself (I’ve always eaten relatively healthily and enjoyed treats without feelings of guilt) but she was really ill when she had bulimia (her potassium and sodium levels were very low and she fainted a lot and lost the enamel on her teeth). As a result of this I am now really anxious about her and the way she eats. Although I desperately try and not show this to her

OP posts:
Purplelion · 08/05/2019 23:22

I don’t think that’s a huge amount of food. More than some people eat yes but not excessive!
I’m 33 (currently pregnant) so I’ll tell you what I was when I’m not pregnant!
B-Bagel with butter, yoghurt, banana.
S-Yoghurt, cereal bar, grapes, strawberries.
L-Tuna/Ham/cheese salad but that includes coleslaw, pickle etc, not just leaves! Crisps or mini cheddars, more fruit.
D-Usual stuff, slag Bol, fish pie, fajitas etc.
Bedtime snack- Youghurt and cereal bar or toast, maybe a few biscuits.
I’m usually just under 10st and a size 10

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 08/05/2019 23:24

I wonder if maybe you just eat very little yourself? Are you very slight?

purplecorkheart · 08/05/2019 23:24

The first thing you probably need to do is see is the written consent valid. It may need to be witnessed by Justice of Oaths etc (not UK based by work in Healthcare).

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:25

@floatyboat thank you for your reply. She thinks because she doesn’t vomit anymore her relationship with food is normal. I don’t talk to her about it too much because I don’t want to upset her. She admits that she worries about being so hungry. She sometimes cries if she can’t get to food immediately when she becomes hungry

OP posts:
MitziK · 08/05/2019 23:26

TBH, I'd stay the fuck out of it, especially as she's already had an ED - one word from you to say she's eating double what a normal person would could set her off again. You could say that the bills have gone up a lot this year, so you need to ask her for an increase in keep, but keep your mouth shut about what she's eating.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:27

@TatianaLarina thank you for your reply. That’s really interesting- I worry that she still could have an eating disorder

OP posts:
Raggerty54 · 08/05/2019 23:30

My dp has adhd. Please don’t use it as an excuse to do everything for her. She has to find her own way by her early twenties or else she’ll never cope without you.

TatianaLarina · 08/05/2019 23:30

I have a generalised eating disorder and sometimes I eat like your daughter seems to. It could be linked.

I agree. And also linked to ADHD as binge eating and impulsive eating can be an issue.

Aiui people with ADHD have a higher rate for compulsive overeating and obesity than for the general population.

There was a US study a couple of years ago which found that children with ADHD are more likely to binge eat. Of course DD is no longer a child.

banana64 · 08/05/2019 23:33

My dd had terrible issues with food as a teenager. Not quite anorexic but massive issues over anxiety and ibs. She ate half a weetabix for breakfast if we were lucky. Cereal bar for lunch and half a dinner maybe. No sweets. No fruit. Maybe a banana once a week. No treats. No sauces.
Then she got well and dealt with her anxiety and her ibs eased up hugely when she came out of puberty about 20.
She now would eat probably similar to the list you describe. Because she can. Because it's a pleasure and relief to her. She loves to open the fridge and have the freedom and choice to eat what she pleases. I'm happy to see her do this and I know it's balanced as we cook healthy and it's all fresh unprocessed food mainly in the house. She buys some junk but she's so happy she can that I don't utter a word.
Is there any chance she's experiencing something like this?

TatianaLarina · 08/05/2019 23:33

I think once people have an ED, it’s always there in the background.

My friend had been recovered for quite some time - seemed ‘cured’ - before she started overeating again.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:33

@purplelion thank you for your reply! Congratulations on your pregnancy! I appreciate that there will be others who eat large volumes of food also but when you look at her diet as a whole she drinks three hot chocolates a day (with full fat milk), has cake (often 2 slices) and a pain au chocolat and often gets through 6-8 slices of bread. She also cries with hunger. Your diet looks really healthy compared to hers!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:35

@Tatianalarina thank you so much for your further reply! I think you’re absolutely right, once you’ve had an eating disorder you always have it.

OP posts:
Rachelle11 · 08/05/2019 23:35

My aunt had bulimia when younger and continued to binge as she got older without the purging. She has been morbidly obese for the majority of her adult life now and she says her eating disorder just changed. I also had anorexia for several years in my late teens/early 20's and I know a lot of people whose eating disorder has simply manifested differently over time. I consider myself recovered but would say I still notice thought patterns that are unhealthy when I am stressed. They don't affect my eating, just how I talk to myself.