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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take my daughter to the GP for this?

76 replies

Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 22:49

I have a daughter who lives with me (she’s in her early twenties) and she just eats constantly. She is well within the normal bmi range so weight isn’t really the concern. She eats well over double what most people would eat in a day. It’s getting to the point where I’m struggling to afford all her food. She was bulimic when she was younger but she had treatment and there’s no evidence that she is now (she stays downstairs after eating and her teeth are good) and she says she eats because she’s hungry (rather than out of emotion). I was just wondering if it would be a waste of the gps time to take her for an appointment. Any advice would be much appreciated!

OP posts:
FuriousVexation · 08/05/2019 23:38

She sometimes cries if she can’t get to food immediately when she becomes hungry

This is an emotional response to an unfulfilled need, not a physical response to hunger. Is she still receiving any input from the psych team regarding her bulimia?

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:38

@raggerty54 thank you for your reply! I know I worry about that too- I just worry that if I don’t help her then she’ll never help herself!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:39

@furiousvexation thank you for your reply! No she was discharged from the eating disorder team about 18 months ago. She made so much progress and learnt to deal with her triggers so well. I think it may be time for her to be referred back to them though

OP posts:
Tolleshunt · 08/05/2019 23:41

Yes, that does seem rather a lot, even accounting for her age. And to be crying with hunger and not able to wait isn't normal.

Sounds like either an overactive thyroid, and/or linked to her ADHD/eating disorder. Could even be both in play. It does sound as though her eating may still be disordered.

It's a tricky one. I feel for you. It's totdaly understandable that you would be so worried.

How is your relationship, in terms of gently broaching this with her? It would be so difficult, though, to not risk making things worse, if the eating disorder is in play.

I wonder if anybody with expertise could give you some proper advice on how to deal with this. Would a charity like BEAT be able to help?

Wannabeyorkshirelass · 08/05/2019 23:42

You haven't answered the question about whether you are very slim yourself. It may be that you're not eating much rather than she's eating a lot. And tbh if she's not gaining weight, I find your interest in the volume of food she's eating a bit weird. Surely if she was eating less she'd be losing weight, so that's the amount she needs to maintain her body size and support her daily activity.

BlackPrism · 08/05/2019 23:43

My teeth are good and I don't show evidence. Watch for bloating and a greasy film on the toilet water. She's puking again guaranteed

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:49

@tolleshunt thank you so much for all of your replies, I really do appreciate them! I did wonder if it might be linked to her ADHD. We are very close, she is my only child. She normally tells me when she’s finding things difficult but I wonder if she’s not this time. She has just got her first boyfriend (they’ve been together 8 months now) and I think the pressure of having a relationship is quite difficult for her and she doesn’t appear to be enjoying it- I did try and gently talk to her about this but she did tell me to but out of it, so I’ve never mentioned it again. So I don’t think she is as comfortable with me as she once was

OP posts:
Absofuckinglutely · 08/05/2019 23:50

How much food are we talking here? And does she eat it in a binge type fashion? Sounds like it's not normal eating, and given the history I think you are right to be concerned.

I have some experience in this area and it sounds like she has continuing issues regarding food as her eating continues to be disordered in comparison with societal norms. She may not be vomiting, but she could be using laxatives, or simply be overeating and not really understanding what is 'normal' anymore.

I would be wary about how you approach this given her history, and she is an adult so may be unwilling to go to the doctor.
Also, I think it's fair to mention that she is an adult and doesn't seem to be adopting many adult responsibilities. That's actually not a good plan for an ex ed sufferer, part of the problem of the illness is that they are unwilling to grow up and take on adult responsinilties, so often use the ED as an avoidance mechanism, it's far easier to be looked after someone when 'ill' - it legitimises staying in a childlike state. It might be important to take more responsibility for her life, think about career and future and work towards independence.!

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:53

@wannabeyorkshirelass thank you for your reply. I’m 5 foot 7 and I’m just over 10 stone, so I’m not very thin (I’d consider myself a healthy weight) We never had scales in our house until she had the eating disorder so I never used to know my weight unless the dr weighed me.

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Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:55

@blackprism thank you for your reply. That’s definitely what I’m worried about!

OP posts:
twomadefour · 08/05/2019 23:57

She might have a tapeworm. Happened to me and I would eat EVERYTHING in sight and still be hungry.
Awful thing! I ended up puking it out when I had morning sickness with my daughter.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 08/05/2019 23:58

@twomadefour oh god i’d never thought of that! Hope you’re ok!

OP posts:
Catanddogmake6 · 08/05/2019 23:59

Is she on any medication for the ADHD? I know that the tablets can affect appetite and weight which is why children are monitored carefully on it. Although admittedly I think they usually suppress weight gain and appetite rather than the other way around but might be worth considering as part of the wider picture.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 09/05/2019 00:01

@Absofuckinglutely thank you for your reply! I know exactly what you’re saying and you’re right. She is just like a child. She looks very young (she has a very young face). She works and helps with the housework but other than that she is very childlike

OP posts:
Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 09/05/2019 00:04

@catanddogmake6 thank you for your reply. Yes, she’s on concerta but has been on it since she was 14. I too thought it was supposed to suppress your appetite but that doesn’t seem to be the case here

OP posts:
QueenOfTheTofuTree · 09/05/2019 01:25

It's not normal to be that hungry and to the point where you cry if you can't get food straight away.

From your description I would say it sounds like a tapeworm.

Tigger365 · 09/05/2019 01:38

You mentioned a relationship? Any chance she’s pregnant?

TatianaLarina · 09/05/2019 08:45

As it’s only been 18 months since she was discharged - I think it’s reasonable to contact her ED team and ask for advice.

You could google info on links between ADHD and overeating as the ED team may not necessarily be experts in ADHD. (On the other hand they may see other young people with both).

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 09/05/2019 09:47

@Tigger365 That thought hadn't crossed my mind. I will try and broach that subject sensitively. Thank you for your reply

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/05/2019 10:31

Pregnancy?

Also i ate loads when was late teens early 20s....much more than I do now

pocketcucco · 09/05/2019 13:54

Are you sure she's not still suffering from an eating disorder? As someone with a past I know that bulimia isn't just about making yourself sick. She could be doing a number of other things like fasting some days, using laxatives or over-exercising. At any rate if she really is eating an abnormal amount, it might be worth seeing a GP.

Original poster
Bellaandbrodie · 09/05/2019 19:11

@pocketcucco thank you for your reply! I'm worrying more and more that she is having disordered eating again. I actually wonder if she might be binging- she's eaten 8 bananas today! I don't really know what to do- I really don't want to upset or her or make matters any worse

OP posts:
janetforpresident · 09/05/2019 19:18

Hi OP after all your updates I would be speaking to a GP. It sounds like something is up and she has agreed to let you speak to a doctor on her behalf. I hope she's ok and am sure the doctor will have some good advice. Flowers

pocketcucco · 09/05/2019 20:51

I don’t think you will make anything worse by approaching her. She may be defensive if you ask her about what she’s eating so maybe steer clear of that for now and perhaps say you’ve noticed she seems stressed or that she has something on her mind. She may not want to talk about it but just reassure her you’ll be there when she is. Bringing up how much she is eating may make her more secretive about it. I was bulimic for years until it progressed to binge eating which is what this sounds like. The crying when she can’t eat is familiar as the urge to binge can be so overwhelming and urgent that it feels distressing and painful not to be able to fulfil it. I don’t binge as much as I used to now but I still do. However, because I exercise my weight fluctuates only by a few pounds so no one notices. It may be that your daughter has some sort of compensatory behaviour keeping her weight fairly steady.

Chloemol · 09/05/2019 21:41

What’s normal for some people is different to others. Just because you think she is eating a lot, she may in fact not be. If it’s all healthy stuff, and she does plenty of exercise then don’t worry

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