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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really want to pick up and cuddle crying strangers babies?

81 replies

clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:04

I understand why parents do not always pick up a crying/screaming baby. And I would never interfere. But God sometimes when I hear a baby I don't even know crying in public, it really physically hurts me and I really really want to pick them up and cuddle them.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
RavenousBabyButterfly · 08/05/2019 22:06

Perhaps the crying stranger needs the cuddle rather than their baby Wink

User12879923378 · 08/05/2019 22:06

Sort of know what you mean but you know when they're in that state they only really want their mum. So in practice it would be a lot of squirming and howling 😂

BigRedLondonBus · 08/05/2019 22:08

I hate being on public transport and someone’s child is screaming and they just ignore it. It doesn’t make me want to pick the child up but I wish they would.

thecatsthecats · 08/05/2019 22:08

I'm known amongst my friends for thrusting crying babies rapidly back in their parents, so I have to say YABU, just because I don't get you.

Original poster
clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:09

User Yes I would probably try and cuddle them, give up and hand them straight back Grin

OP posts:
helpfulperson · 08/05/2019 22:09

Agree with ravenousbabybutterly.

But the pitch of babies crying is designed to make people want to protect them. It's an evolutionary tactic. Same as looking cute. Means they survive even if Mom is killed by a woolly mammoth.

Purpleartichoke · 08/05/2019 22:11

I get it. Sometimes a crying baby makes me so upset that I have to leave the area or if I can’t leave I find myself with a stomach ache and feeling like I’m going to be sick. The sound of a baby crying triggers a primal reaction to protect and aid, yet society forces us to squash those feelings down. Sometimes I want to scream at the parent for not picking up the baby, even when intellectually I know they may have a good reason for the delay.

CripsSandwiches · 08/05/2019 22:11

YANBU obviously not if they're parents are already cuddling them it's OK but when they're just left in a pram I want to pick them up and rock them. (Obviously I don't actually do that to stranger's babies).

Absolutepowercorrupts · 08/05/2019 22:12

Strangers babies should never be picked up by some random woman. Perhaps it might be a good idea to let the babies parent decide

Ineedamanipedi · 08/05/2019 22:13

Yes I feel like this sometimes. I think it’s just natural - in caveman times if a child was abandoned or left alone in a mud hut in the village or something and was crying the other women would feel a need to cuddle/look after it. Obviously not all women would but maybe we are more nurturing types?
I heard a newborn crying in the shop I was in today and it actually makes my eyes water sometimes! I have a strong desire to comfort crying babies (obviously never would though!)

PerfectPeony2 · 08/05/2019 22:13

I have a very screamy baby, I pick her up most of the time ( probably why she is high maintenance) but she cries so much that to me it’s just background noise sometimes...

Original poster
clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:14

I understand that the parent may have cuddled the crying baby and can't get them to stop crying, so put them back in the pram as they actually need to get somewhere. Its not a judgement. But if I get dementia I am going to be a mad old woman randomly lifting strangers babies out of prams.

OP posts:
Original poster
clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:15

Yes I needamanipedi It can really upset me sometimes and I have to l get away.

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 08/05/2019 22:17

Strangers babies should never be picked up by some random woman. Perhaps it might be a good idea to let the babies parent decide

lol clearly no one is saying they ACTUALLY go round picking up random babies on the bus - they just feel an urge to cuddle the crying child.

bluejelly · 08/05/2019 22:18

I feel exactly the same! Especially that small newborn cry ( toddlers, not so much...)

Waterandlemonjuice · 08/05/2019 22:20

There was a 7 week old (know how old as I had asked the mum earlier and cooed over it) crying in the restaurant today and I really wanted to see if I could soothe it but didn’t offer as it would have been a weird thing to do!

Starlight456 · 08/05/2019 22:22

I still remember my Ds in a pushchair . I was taking him to feeding area in shopping centre . My passage was blocked by a woman trying to cheer my crying Ds up. Unfortunately as he only wanted milk from my breasts she had no chance.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 08/05/2019 22:24

I hate it when people leave their baby crying. I just don’t get it at all.Sad

snoutandab0ut · 08/05/2019 22:27

Am I the only one who finds the noise of baby crying unbearable to the point of wanting to pull my own skin off? Disclaimer, I don’t have kids

JustCallMeSliths · 08/05/2019 22:29

7 years after stopping breastfeeding and my boobs still tingle when I hear babies cry.

But yep, I just want to pick them up and soothe them. I wouldn't though obviously!

Hylobates · 08/05/2019 22:30

snout I'll come and stand next to you in the quiet area - I cannot stand the sound of crying babies. It causes me physical pain. But before anyone calls me a heartless bitch, I have misophonia. It's part of my autism.

Thatsnotmyotter · 08/05/2019 22:31

This comes across as kind of judgy tbh. ‘You obviously don’t care enough about your baby to comfort them so I’ll do it for you’. You have no idea if the baby is overtired and needs to be left in the pushchair to fall asleep, has reflux or colic and cries a lot or if there is another reason that maybe they can’t immediately be attended to. One of my friends had a baby who literally screamed for hours on end for no apparent reason day in, day out. She couldn’t spend her entire day just cuddling the baby who would not be comforted anyway.

RogersVideo · 08/05/2019 22:31

At my little sister's wedding, DD1 (8 months) made it through the ceremony but when the music came on afterwards started screaming. And wouldn't stop. I BF her, cuddled her, gave her to DH, to my mum for a while, sat in the bridal room with lights off- she wouldn't stop. I put her in the pushchair and walked up and down the street outside, for ages. Eventually a woman came up to me and said, "Can I help you? You're baby is really upset, she needs to be held. Do you have someone to help? I can hold her, she needs to be held."

I have never wanted to scream FUCK OFF into someone's face so badly. I missed almost all of my sister's wedding (which we had flown 11 hours to attend) and was so so stressed out (we ended up leaving well before the end).

My second child basically spent the first 12 months of his life crying. Completely broke me, I'm now on antidepressants. I'm sure he upset a lot of strangers too!

fairybeagle · 08/05/2019 22:33

Yanbu. I feel the same. It makes me so upset especially when it's a young baby. There was a woman just wondering round Sainsbury's with a tiny newborn and the baby was crying that desperate newborn cry and it distressed me so much I was aching to comfort it.
She did eventually pick it up and it stopped, I was so relieved!

Original poster
clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:34

Thatsnotmyotter Nothing could be further from the truth as I have been at pains to say. But an 8 year old crying who is a stranger, I get no emotional reaction. But a young baby and I feel an overwhelming urge to cuddle them and stop them crying. I think earlier posters are right and this is an evolutionary response so if the mother is killed, strangers will look after her baby.

OP posts:
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