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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really want to pick up and cuddle crying strangers babies?

81 replies

clairemcnam · 08/05/2019 22:04

I understand why parents do not always pick up a crying/screaming baby. And I would never interfere. But God sometimes when I hear a baby I don't even know crying in public, it really physically hurts me and I really really want to pick them up and cuddle them.
Anyone else?

OP posts:

StoppinBy · 09/05/2019 02:49

My FIL once said to me 'you shouldn't pick up your baby when it cries, it will learn to expect it, just put them in a back room and let them cry, they stop eventually' when my DD was around 5 months old. Such....a.....jerk!

On the other hand I agree with butterfly, when you have a baby that is very grumpy (my second) it is very very hard to be constantly trying to comfort said baby who seems to not respond, occasionally it can get to the point where you just need a break from it all, a friendly word, an understanding smile etc or maybe baby is due for a feed or a sleep and you really need to stop at the supermarket for something first.

I do know what you mean though, crying babies make you want to help them but don't think badly of the parents for not doing so when they are probably already stressed by it enough themselves.

Agednotwine · 09/05/2019 02:49

Not babies as they usually have parents with them or are attached to them. It's the little 3 year old in the park crying because she was pushed off the slide who breaks my heart. I have never once intervened apart from to say, oh - is that your little one crying? In my head I want to thump Mummy, but I keep me nose out. There are different cries. And the ones I respond to primordially appear to be the cries of desolation!

Agednotwine · 09/05/2019 03:00

I'm not lying when I say that my dd never cried for 5 weeks. She'd start to mooch, but never actually full on cried! The minute I picked her up she was content again. So my mother was convinced that I was abusing the child by not letting her 'air her lungs'.

User8888888 · 09/05/2019 06:31

I think there is something that attracts people to newborns whatever they’re doing. I’ve got one at the moment and so many strangers come and talk to me to have a look. I can’t remeber when that stopped with my first.

We had to pop back to the hospital when she was 2 weeks old and people just gravitated towards the buggy. I was freaking out about all their lurgy as the three of us got a bug when we were in for the birth from someone.

crispysausagerolls · 09/05/2019 06:51

I hate it when people leave their baby crying. I just don’t get it at all.

Me too

FineWordsForAPorcupine · 09/05/2019 06:55

I'm another one who has never experienced this "urge to comfort" that you're all talking about. The sound of a baby crying makes me feel instantly annoyed and I want to leave the vicinity as soon as possible. If I'm somewhere that I can't get away I just sit there, quietly hating the parents and child. I don't do anything - I don't tut or glare or stare accusingly - but it fills me with with rage.

The sound makes me so angry that I honestly don't care if the parent is having a bad day or that babies cry, I was the same at that age, etc. I'm not hating them for not picking up their child, I'm hating them for having it in the first place.

But then I'm probably an evolutionary dead end and I accept that my response is probably not usual.

Fatted · 09/05/2019 06:59

I'm like others posting similar. Having had a baby who cried all fucking day, every fucking day, it's just white noise to me now.

SnuggyBuggy · 09/05/2019 07:00

I agree it must be a an evolutionary thing to increase the odds of survival for an orphaned baby or toddler.

SoppingWetMayDay · 09/05/2019 07:10

ReanimatedSGB - oh God, yes. When DD learned to talk, it was an absolute revelation to find out some of the weird shit she'd been crying about for the last couple of years. She'd always sound like someone was torturing her but, no, it would turn out that she didn't like her socks or she now wanted the lolly that she'd voluntarily put in the bin twelve hours earlier.

SoppingWetMayDay · 09/05/2019 07:14

Count me as another one who finds crying babies irritating rather than heart-rending (apart from my own, but we're long past the baby stage now). Actually, I'm more likely to get the urge to hug the mother and say "yeah, babies are utter crap. Don't worry, they grow out of it" . (Don't worry, I dont!)

Nottheduchess · 09/05/2019 07:19

I’m with you OP. I actually just realised that all of my friends and myself are done having babies so I won’t be able to get a cuddle of a LO until my niece or nephew decide if they want them! That made me sad. Anyone have a newborn I can cuddle please?

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 09/05/2019 07:20

When ds (3 months at the time) was in hospital there was a newborn screaming alone in a room as I was walking down the ward. I paused and felt an overwhelming urge to pick it up and soothe it to the point where I could feel tears in my eyes. Obviously it would have been incredibly inappropriate to pick up someone else’s poorly baby. Luckily the room was near the nurses reception and while I paused I caught the eye of one of the nurses who then directed herself to the room.

That could have been my DS . If so , I thank you . Depends what hospital and he was not strictly newborn (2 weeks old) but was admitted for 2 nights . First night I could stay with him, second night had to leave as then partner (he was not a dear or darling one so no D) had work next day (being a Monday) and we had a then 2 and half year old DS too . So, had to leave my little baby and trust in the staff. He was fine when I went in the next morning and he came home with me that same day ..

CherryPavlova · 09/05/2019 07:22

Absolutely. I get the urge to cuddle babies that aren’t crying too.

Biancadelrioisback · 09/05/2019 07:26

Same. Tingly boobs and all

Soubriquet · 09/05/2019 07:26

I get that urge too and before ds, I couldn’t understand why people just didn’t pick up their newborns when they cried

Dd was such an easy baby apart from colic in the evening but ds had undiagnosed CMPA and reflux and spent 23 hours of the day crying

If I carried him everywhere, I wouldn’t get anything done.

I did start using slings to try and manage it but he would still cry at times with this.

Sometimes you just gave up.

I was knackered and very fragile.

I think if someone offered to do something, I would have thrust ds at them and tell them to crack on.

If they criticised me, I think I would have burst into tears

Drogosnextwife · 09/05/2019 07:29

Yes I get the same, and not just with babies with all kids, even although I have 2 of my own and I'm a childminder and I know that 99% of the time they are just acting up or it's just a baby that won't stop crying, not actually upset. I hate seeing kids get into trouble aswell. Although I feel just as bad for the parents because I understand exactly how they feel 😂

MyMumDimensionJumps · 09/05/2019 07:31

To those saying that it makes you angry when you hear a baby cry - why don't you walk up to it and ask it to stop? 😁

It always makes me laugh when people get annoyed and just expect you to stop a baby crying. I have a baby at the moment with terrible wind which no colic remedy will shift and an awful ear drum piercing cry. There is literally nothing I can do but hold him (he still screams when I do). It's the same with tantruming toddlers - once they are committed to a meltdown, it's very hard to stop them and most tactics apart from trying to comfort them, and if that doesn't work, ignoring and carrying on don't work. I think it's worse to shove a pack of sweets in the toddlers direction to shut them up, because you're worried about what strangers think! When I see a kid having a meltdown now I feel sorry for the parents, as I know how hard it is.

OP, I do get that instinct too with other people's babies. I have been out recently with my 4 year old and my baby crying at the top of his lungs. The reason I haven't picked him up is because we aren't far from home or I'm on my way to find somewhere suitable to feed him. I doubt many people ignore their babies (it's hard not to), it's just not convenient to pick them up at that time - pushing a pram while holding a baby/bags of shopping and keeping an eye on a dawdling child prone to walking in front of people is not easy. It's better to find somewhere to sit out of the way first.

UnPocoLoco2 · 09/05/2019 07:32

I still remember many moons ago when dB was a toddler and in hospital for some reason. I was about 6. There was a baby on the ward in a cot screaming as it's dummy had fallen out . I popped it back in and all was quiet.

Grumblepants · 09/05/2019 07:36

@OwlBeThere my DS was exactly the same. He cried all the bloody time. Nothing would stop him. He had milk intolerances and reflux and was just very unhappy. I was on the phone to the doctors to make yet another appt for him and the receptionist snapped at me that she couldn't hear what I was saying as my baby was crying! I FUCKING KNOW.
I still had to do shopping and I was literally hanging on by a thread but what made it worse was thinking that everyone was judging me for having a crying baby.
Apparently according to this thread, they were!

ScreamScreamIceCream · 09/05/2019 07:37

I get that urge too and before ds, I couldn’t understand why people just didn’t pick up their newborns when they cried

I could mainly because I come from a large family so some of my nephews, when newborns/babies, were very clingy and cried when away from their mums so their mums couldn't do anything if they didn't put them down.

On the other hand I wanted to throttle the couple next to me on the postnatal ward who wouldn't pick up their screaming baby until a nurse told them to. Then she immediately stopped crying. The other babies and one of the mothers were very sick so we expected those babies to cry a lot as they kept being disturbed by medical staff but they really didn't in comparison.

CarolDanvers · 09/05/2019 07:38

I remember when ds was only a few weeks old and we were out shopping with DH. There was a room in mothercare where we could go to feed so I was rushing there but paused to arrange a place to meet back up with DH as he was going to carry on doing the shopping, literally stopped for seconds and still on the move while we spoke. Some woman passing by said “your baby is crying you know, perhaps you should do something about that?” I told her to mind her own business and rushed off to Mothercare as I had neither the time or inclination to explain myself to some random. I wonder if she was some busybody MNetter.

BertieBotts · 09/05/2019 07:43

I do pick DS2 up when he cries usually but public transport will be the exception. If it's too crowded to safely sit down with him, I can't realistically pick him up. If what he wants is breastfeeding but I know I need to get off in

JellySlice · 09/05/2019 07:45

This comes across as kind of judgy tbh. ‘You obviously don’t care enough about your baby to comfort them so I’ll do it for you’.

What rubbish. My boobs are not judgemental. Like a PP, they respond to very young babies crying. They respond before I even have a chance to process any thoughts about the situation.

Yup, probably evolutionary.

GlamGiraffe · 09/05/2019 07:55

I compleyely get that, when its teal heartfelt crying. Ive been on planes, when obviously this shows and distraught parents have given me their children to console. It seems to work, I end up with calm babies sitting with me.

FryTime · 09/05/2019 08:52

Nope. Never. And I had one of my own...

My friends laugh as I'm the most unmaternal mother of all time. A friend has a baby and everyone is all "aw, how cute, can I have a cuddle". I usually wander off and find the family dog to cuddle.

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