Cut off by sisters, aibu for not telling me them a family member has died?

[Wickedxx]

To explain my relationship with my sisters would take weeks so I'll cut it short. I've always been the odd one out with my sisters but since my mum died 3 years ago we have had no relationship whatsoever. I was always made to feel like I wasn't good enough was the main reason. Since cutting off from them my mental health has massively improved. They have always been a poisonous influence on my life.

Since my mum died they have also made no attempt to contact my aunt and uncle (both in their 80s). That included no thank yous for gifts to their children. I have kept in regular contact with them and they have watched my sons grow up.

Anyway my aunt called me today to let me know that one of our uncles had passed away.

They didn't live locally so only really saw him at family parties, weddings etc

As they have made no attempts to keep in touch with my elderly aunt and uncle (they were like grandparents to us growing up) am i being unreasonable thinking they have no right to be told about my other uncles passing?

I have blocked them on all social media and messaging so the only way I can let them know Is by passing a message through a mutual acquaintance.

What do you mumsnetters think?

Let them know. Nobody gains anything by them not knowing iyswim.

Tell them.

I think if you can let them know, you will have done the right thing by your elderly aunt and uncle. What they do with the information is up to them.

Send a telegram? You can do a text online which is usually free tell them that way?

To be honest, I would just tell you aunt that you have no way of contacting your sisters, and if she felt appropriate could she also let them know.

The onus shouldn’t lie on you regarding sharing this news.

Yes, pass the message through the mutual acquaintance. That is sufficient, you will have done your duty.

I don't think you would be unreasonable but I think it would be the grown up and right thing to do. If they choose not to go then that is up to them

It won't cost you anything to tell them then it's up to them if they want to send condolences or whatever.

I would let them know and tell them any communications to be direct to your relatives, not you.

If your sisters haven't cared about your uncle when he was alive then it's unlikely they'll care about his death so I wouldn't bother telling them.

I agree. Pass on the message to them somehow. Do the right thing. Don’t sink to their petty level.

Yeah I know I probably should tell them. I just worry they would decide to turn up at the funeral. I know I shouldn't be selfish but I would feel very awkward and uncomfortable. I will probably get the message to them through the acquaintance.

Tell them. They are still family

Be the bigger and better person IMO

Maybe unblock them, send the message and re-block

Easier said than done, but they're the ones who 'should' feel awkward and uncomfortable. I'd float around the funeral talking to everyone, keeping busy and not give them the time. Say hello, say goodbye - my ideal relative!

I would pass on the message through the mutual acquaintance, if they want further information, they can contact your aunt.

You have ensured they know, but they have no reason to contact you.
If they do turn up at the funeral, maybe you could ensure you are always consoling an aunt or uncle?

Perhaps it would mean a great deal to your elderly aunt and uncle if they did. No reason for you to feel uncomfortable. You have the moral high ground. And also, I mean this gently - what matters more is your aunt and uncle - they have lost their sibling. Funerals often thin out when people are older. And for some people, a good turn out makes them feel so much better. Quite frankly it seems unlikely they will come. But at least you'll have done right by the older generation!

I didn’t tell my sibling that our mother had died until after the funeral. It was necessary for it to happen that way for many reasons.

Sometimes you need to do the right thing, but there is usually a right time to do it.

It would be rather bitchy to not tell them?

@IncyWincyGrownUp

That sounds nasty. Why?

Not all families are pleasant I’m afraid Agednotwine, and had he known he would have caused as much pain and trouble as he could to those few of us mourning. For the sake of everyone it was decided he wasn’t to know. :(

I didn’t tell my sibling that our mother had died until after the funeral. It was necessary for it to happen that way for many reasons.

That is a massive massive thing. And I'm sure you had your reasons but it doesn't sound like this is the case here.

my df wasnt told his brother had died they had a falling oiut a new years earlier-he had to find out from a newspaper-very callous

I wouldn't tell them. If they choose not to be part of the family then let them off. They'll hardly rush to the funeral and if they do bother it'll probably be all for show anyway.