To expect DD10 to do at least a few chores?

[Bunnylady53]

Not sure where we went wrong but DD10 basically does bugger all. Think I’m going to have to get tougher. For a start she gets £5 pocket money 2 weeks out of 4 ( the other weeks she gets £2 & £3 due to animal sponsorship) so she needs to start earning it! Interested to know what your kids do around the house. DD’s room is unbelievable!

at that age my ds kept his room tidy, and dusted the surfaces in his room once a week. he also helped me dry the dishes on certain nights. all the best x

Pocket money is not related to jobs in our house. DD helps because she lives here and is part of the family.

We expect her to put her clean clothes away, keep her room reasonably tidy, help setting the table, clearing up, bringing the rubbish out.

She's only a small child. At that age all that was expected of me was to keep my bedroom tidy and be well behaved. I would help my mum in the kitchen voluntarily or do some weeding in the garden for extra pocket money.

We insist on clearing table before/after food, tidying living room, tidying play room and attempting the pit that is their shared bedroom. They put clothes away too.

Generally tidying up after themselves. My mother suggested dd1 help her hoover on Sunday and dd1 was ready to call childline (shes 9)

My DD is nearly 10. She keeps her room tidy, makes her bed every day, puts dirty washing in the hamper, carries plates and cups into the kitchen and puts in dishwasher, empties dishwasher, looks after pets ( feeds and waters her gerbils and guinea pigs) and also feeds the cats in the morning. She also does her homework without being asked.

I kept my bedroom nice and tidy. That was about it tbh at 10 I was an only child though so dont know if that made any difference.

Your daughter is more than old enough to be doing her share around the house she lives in, eats in and generates garbage and mess in. And she probably expects you to ferry her about to things, so she should be helping more around the house so you have the time to do so, or she doesn't go.

I have 3 children, one is still younger than yours at 9, others are 12 and 14: all can delivery, hand, fold and put away their laundry; all can take out the rubbish; all can load the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen; older two can unload the dishwasher (reaching cupboards involved); all can vacuum and dust; all can clean their own bathrooms to varying degrees; all can take care of their specialised sporting kit; all can mop the kitchen floor; all can bake; older two can cook simple meals.

I'm another one who thinks you don't get paid for doing your bit to keep shared spaces clean and tidy. At that age we expected our two to lay the table, help clear it, tidy up after themselves. Next it became their job to empty the dishwasher.

I don't insist on them keeping their own rooms tidy (we can always just shut the door), but they do get an extra fiver (on top of their £3 + phone) a week of encouragement if they dust, hoover, change sheets and empty their bins (this since the youngest was 12 or 13).

I'm trying to encourage them to put their own washing on too, but it's slow going!

At age 10, I had to keep my room tidy, and wash pots and stack and empty dishwasher (despised this job) after dinner times. We didn't get pocket money either, if I was well behaved and wanted something, I was allowed to have it, once it was a reasonable price 😂

Also had to sign a doggy contract when I got the puppy I asked for, that was stuck on the fridge and was pointed out every time I didn't want to walk her or pick up her poo!

25 now and I dont think I turned out half bad! Also worship my dishwasher now(the irony) as I hate washing up by hand!

My 10 year old DD empties the dishwasher, clears her own pots away and puts them in the dishwasher, tidies her room, makes her bed, puts her clothes away, helps put out the washing if she is around, sets the table for dinner and gets the drinks (squash) sorted, helps with dinner prep. And any other jobs I ask her too depending on what needs doing. Why shouldn't she? She's quite capable. She does have dyspraxia though so can't leave her to use the hob or kettle though unsupervised just yet as I would hate for her to get burnt or scalded. She's getting there with that though too, it's a skill she's going to need for when she's a grown up...

My DS10 empties the dishwasher daily, keeps his room tidy and dusted, puts laundry away, hoovers and mops, dusts the living room, changes pet water, makes his own breakfast and will sometimes cook on the weekend. If he wants some pocket money, he will wash the car or do some outdoor chores like washing windows or sweeping the patio.

I despair of her room but have no idea how to persuade her to tidy it. Maybe I should focus on other jobs in the house. She cleans the bathroom brilliantly but very rarely. And she refuses to load the dishwasher. Will have to ask her to help me empty it instead. I was thinking of linking jobs to pocket money because she is so strong willed!

I think you can have some things as 'we all do this, including you', like taking turns to clear the table after meals, which don't get any money. And then some as 'these chores are extra', like weeding the garden, for which she can earn some cash.

Tidying her room is definitely the first kind. If she doesn't do that, she loses privileges such as screen time. And yes, she won't want to do it at first, and you'll have to be tough, but it will be worth it in the end, for her and for you.

Mine get pocket money regardless, but they both have chores. They empty the dishwasher and take the rubbish and recycling bins out. They also have to tidy up their rooms and playroom before the cleaner comes. If they don't help out, the internet doesn't turn on. I employ the phrase "I am not your maid" quite regularly if they leave their dirty dishes on the table.

Don't tie pocket money to chores here either. It's about us all contributing to family life. 3 DC here My youngest is also 10 and loves to help cook. Probably because if you've cooked you're excused from doing the dishes. All DC make their beds every day, Hoover and dust their rooms once a week, give the shower a bit of a wipe after using it, put dirty washing in basket and put clean clothes away. Older 2 know how to put a wash on and are currently being introduced to ironing. They also change their bedding. DS has to clean all mess generated from his football boots, that's a lot of muck, and don't get me started on those wee black bits of astroturf.

"don't know how to persuade her"?, "refuses to load the dishwasher"?

There's your problem... she is part of the team, you are not her maid, you are her mother, you need to act like it. YOU make the rules, not her!! It's nice to ask her to do things, and at 10 she should understand about teamwork and family responsibilities. Ask her how she would like it if you "refused" to make her dinner or "refused" to wash her clothes. If she doesn't want to be part of the family team then she doesn't get what the other teams members do, internet access, mobile phone data etc, whatever would work. But it's time to put your foot down I'm afraid!

DS is 10, unloads dishwasher (i honestly dont know why i cant stand doing it, but will happily load all the dirty items from sink into it, but find putting the clean items away mind numbing), he unloads and hangs the wet laundry, tidies/picks up everything off floors when asked, organises his wardrobe roughly, hoovers when asked.
Does it all quickly (because he wants to get back to screen time), it's really helpful for me.

Sounds like he does alot but there's still loads for me to do tho. (Bins, recycling, sort and load dirty laundry, fold away clean, wiping/dusting throughout house, hoover, moping, cleaning kitchen, bathroom & loo, lay beds daily or change bedding, cooking, bathe littlest ones).

10 is old enough to help so I've a few less things to do, we all live here.
Also kids need to learn how to do these things, as part of learning how to become fully functioning adults in future, no?

Also will pop round the corner to get small list of groceries (one bag max), but that's not considered a chore. Just contributing.

But i see the bonus as him learning from it, gets to feel responsible and independent. Crosses the road a few times, as it's age appropriate crossings. He knows how to return goods to customer service counter.
In return he gets to pick up sweets, browse in the toy aisle.

My 10 year old does a bit of tidying - in the living room, his bedroom etc. He folds up what's in the tumble dryer. Every so often he will be asked to wash up or dry up. Normal jobs. He doesn't get pocket money yet but tbh I didn't start paying my older boys pocket money until they were in secondary school. Until then it was a case of "if you want it, ask, and we will see - or you can earn it". Works pretty good for us

I don’t link chores to money either. They clean and tidy because it’s their living space that they share with family and they should respect that. As part of the family, they do their bit.
At that age they kept their rooms tidy, put dirty clothes in basket and clean clothes in their cupboard, helped with whatever chores needed to be done and in the garden too.
There are lots of benefits to kids doing chores - they develop a work ethic, it’s good for their self esteem, they have a ‘can do’ attitude and apparently they do better later in life according to some research.
Plus the parents get an easier life too.

OP - you said she is not tidying her room. Have you checked with her why?

When DD has a phase we sat done with her and really looked at her room together, emptied all boxes, shelves and worked out way through the whole mess.

We sorted out things she outgrew but forgot as they were at the bottom of deep boxes, things she didn’t use a lot but wanted in her room so got baskets for them. Books were brought into a spare room in case she wanted them back with the objective to charity shop them 6 months down the line. The same with toys she outgrew but couldn’t really let go off.

Then all remaining things were looked at and re-packed. We ended up getting her some new, smaller boses for tiny stuff, decent holders for magazines and boxes for jewellery and hair bits. She got a new shelving unit for books.

Since then she needs reminding to clear up but it’s a huge improvement.

Stuff like no TV on Saturday until you have passed a room inspection (jokey but serious, follow through)
Load the dishwasher WITH me (you have to train them up)
Be specific about her room ' clear all the clothes off the floor and empty the bin, then I'll change your sheets and hoover while you dust'. Give instructions one at a time, sequencing is a skill and kids don't know where to start

It’s her room. Leave her to get on with it. Stop nagging. The more you go on about it, the less she’ll do. Children can be asked to help with tasks. They can say no. Pocket money is not a wage. Let children be children. They will
resent you and stubbornly won’t help you if you demand it. Play the long game.

Pocket money in our house doesn't rely on chores, however if you don't behave yourself you do get fined. 'Extra' chores get paid (washing cars, gardening jobs etc)
I expect my DS's to do small amounts of chores.
DS1 is 12. He hates mess, so we're already onto a winner with that. He's a stroppy little (actually big, he's massive) b*gger but he's actually quite amenable when asked to do tasks. Emptying dishwasher. Putting shopping away. Putting his laundry away. Stripping his bed. Helping me make the bed. Popping to shop for stuff. He remembers he needs to put his crockery and cutlery in the dishwasher after use. I did get him to mow the lawn the other day, but that didn't go down well. To be fair, it doesn't go down well with DH either.
DS2 is 9. He is the happiest kid in the world, and also the messiest. Its seriously hard work getting him to do stuff. He never remembers to clear away after eating and skips off merrily, so I have to yell at him to come back. His room and playroom (and anywhere else his stuff spreads to) are carnage after 5 minutes. I help him tidy as its overwhelming, and I put away his clothes, but that is in the process of changing that as I had a big clearout over the bank holiday so there's no excuse for him not to know where things go. He is expected to empty the dishwasher. He is far more forthcoming about earning money, so he'll always volunteer to clean the car etc. I get him to sort washing, but it never goes terribly well.

Pocket money is unconditional here.

Chores are just part of living together in our home.
He doesn't have specific tasks as such, apart from making his bed and tidying away his things ie those are just expected and automatic.

Other things are more fluid and I'm more about teaching him life skills.

He can lay the table, clear the table, sort laundry, bring the small green bin in, change the loo roll, empty room bins (and sort recycling), sweep the garden, help prepare meals, sort groceries, polish and dust.

We are working on the 'floordrobe' and leaving the bathroom tidy after a bath.

This seemed to work for DS1 (now 20).