or am I just over reacting?

[tired1245]

think I may just be hormonal as due on period!!
My partner and are in the process of buying a house, we've both discussed starting a family soon once all moved in.
I really couldn't care about him going out in the evenings and weekends for drinks with his friends, but now he's just said him and his friends are looking to plan to spend a month in America next year, I said to him maybe in years to come when we've settled into our own house, have children etc we could go to Disney Florida for 2/3 weeks, but he said 'if the boys are going, I am'
I don't want to be at home on my own for a month, I know he should miss out, but he acts as though he's still 18 with not a care in the world.
Am I overreacting, just tell me if I am!!

not a chance OP, I'm with everyone else.. sod that

He'd be lucky to get the time off work, and so would his friends.

So that he plans to spend his entire annual holiday on this jaunt, & you are co funding it...... hahaha,

Did everyone miss he is 18. He can call them “the boys” because they are. He should be going going travelling and making the most of being young and child free. 18. If you are the same so should you.

A month in the USA at 18 year old with your friends sounds awesome. Children sound really be years and years away.

He should be able to go away without seeking permission.

18

I wouldn't necessarily squash the idea entirely. One of the joys of being young is the ability to do just this sort of thing. My now husband went to Australia for over 3 weeks. Previously I'd been to India for nearly a month. We went together to South America for again about 3.5 weeks total.
Those trips are an important part of our life experiences and they give us important memories and stories to tell now we have young children and don't make it further than camping in the uk.

I do agree that all the consequences need to be discussed, financial and in terms of time off work and what that means for your holiday plans, and house renovations. But i'd be discussing it with an open mind.

"'if the boys are going, I am'"

@geekone he's not 18, I said he's acting like he's 18

geekone he's not 18, he's 26, she says he's acting 18.

No! Geek you misread that!

HE ACTS AS THOUGH HE IS !*

He is actually 26 years old

@tired1245 oops attention to detail is an issue for me lol.

My DH and I were married at that age and he would never have considered going away for a month with”the boys”

Be careful you don’t have a man child. Phew sorry I was panicking about 18

He didn’t even do weekends away actually.

He's taking the piss a bit - he can't have it all ways.

Nothing wrong with a lads holiday to America, but when you have a partner at home and are wanting to buy a house and start a family, then these things need to be discussed beforehand, surely?

If DH decided he was off on holiday for a month, I'd be asking him the following questions:

Who was paying for it? Because it certainly wouldn't be coming out of our joint savings.
Who would be paying for the extra days of doggy daycare/dog walker while he was away?
When we were going to get our holiday together if he was using 20 days annual leave to go away with his mates?
How we were going to afford to continue to do up the house if he's happy to splash presumably at least 1k on a holiday, if not more?

Is he a teacher? How's he getting a month off?

Can he still pay his share if the bills and do this?

Most importantly is this the sort of relationship you want? Will you still have leave and money to go away together?

Each to their own but certainly not what I'm looking for in a relationship.

Out of a group of more than 3 people how many will get a months leave approved. Zero chance of that happening for anyone with jobs that pay enough for a holiday that will costs £1000s.

If true he is testing boundaries.

If you don't yet have a baby and you can afford it, why shouldn't he go?

If by that point you do have a baby or you can't afford it, then that's a different conversation.

A month is a long to time and the US can be expensive. He’ll be using most of his yearly holiday allocation, plus you’re supposed to be renovating a house, which costs money, and, oh, you might have a baby. Are you sure you both want the same things?

Some of the reactions on here are hysterical. They’re buying a house together FFS, not joining together in a sacrificial blood ritual.
3 girl friends and I, went to Australia for a month in the 1980’s under similar circumstances.
If he can afford it and cover his mortgage contributions, I really don’t see the problem

'if the boys are going, I am'

THIS is the big problem.
Buying a house - fine.
Going away for a month - fine.

Doing either w/o discussion and agreement from both sides = not ready to buy a house together.

My ex went away for a month. The amount of people who said "oh, I'd never allow mine to do that". Allow? There was no allow. He wanted to do it, I supported him, it was discussed and he went.

Some of the reactions on here are hysterical. They’re buying a house together FFS, not joining together in a sacrificial blood ritual. Erm... Nah! Can't be bothered to point out the probems that could occur if you don't have such stuff sorted before you make big commitments....

It sounds as though, even though you’re about the same age, you’re at different life stages. He can’t act like a young single man having a lads holiday, when there are joint house responsibilities.

Unless, of course, you go off with your mates for a month.

A month seems a crazy long time, especially when you're about to jump into a commitment such as a house, baby, marriage etc.

Does he want to do this as some sort of last hurrah BEFORE he settles down?

He can’t act like a young single man having a lads holiday, when there are joint house responsibilities

Like what if you're childless and financially able? A woman can't live on her own for a month?

I did go away for a month when an opportunity came up with a couple of good friends. It was tacked 3 weeks tacked on to a group holiday including DH.

Work wasn't a problem, it was a quiet time of year. DH couldn't because of his job.
I had the savings, it didn't compromise on our wedding plans (already engaged)
We did have a 3 month stint of going travelling in the pipeline coming up for after the wedding. DH actually thought it was a good opportunity for a bit of experience and independence before that.
Since having children, I haven't diddled off for anything more exciting than a weekend since having the DCs.
DH was there and part of the discussion when the opportunity came up.

It's the acts as though he's 18 part which is concerning here. To be fair, once you have a house and children, they are total money pits, so big travels get less practical so before is a better time than after IF there is the money AND the time AND you are both happy with a prolonged absence.

With his attitude, I'd worry about his expectations about holidays with mates after you've started a family.

He's not at the stage that you are, OP, and honestly, you can't make him reach that stage quickly. Personally at 26 I would have much preferred a trip like that to buying a house and settling down.

How often does he go out with his friends now?

It's not about trust! It's about shared resources and time and commitment. Going away for a weekend or even a week, if you can afford for him to do that and still have holidays together and sort out the house and plan for the baby, fine. But for a month?! He's not single with no strings any more, and at the VERY least, that needs to be a decision you take together.