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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why do some people think paying their childminder is optional?

103 replies

ShiveringCoyote · 08/05/2019 09:03

DSis is a child minder, has been for years. Two sets of parents have asked to leave off paying her for April until next week because "expensive month for them" and " car needs repairs". Its not the first time its happened and she said its very common amongst minders, especially at this time of year and Christmas.

OP posts:
Happynow001 · 08/05/2019 12:08

I’d also give them a date by which she wants the money then if she’s not received it she can give the parents 30 days notice.
I'd probably not give 30 days notice, particularly if she's being paid in arrears as then she'll be owed even more money she might never see again.

DarlingNikita · 08/05/2019 12:09

I assume your Dsis is adult enough to say a firm no to these unreasonable requests.

No doubt, but why should she have to?

Milicentbystander72 · 08/05/2019 12:13

I loved our CM. In 10 years we never paid late. We paid by standing order each month.

find people are crap at valuing services in general. I'm an Illustrator. I'm lucky in that I work for publishers and have a contract with clear money and deadlines outlined. However, I know plenty of more general artists who earn a living from their art. I've lost cost of the amount of times people on SM have asked for the 'cheapest' original art they can commission or self-published writers spreading the fact that they got a cover done for £20 what a bargain! Or people moaning about the fact that the artwork they wanted wasn't any good but only wanted to pay a £10. Pay peanuts you get monkeys!

It's the same with tradesmen. People on my local fb Page are always asking for 'expert, specialist, experienced tradesman wanted but don't want to pay £'s'

🤷🏻‍♀️

CoastalWave · 08/05/2019 12:14

I've just had a client message me and say the child can't make such and such dates as they're going on holiday so they want a refund for those dates.

Funny how if I don't send my child to swimming or gymnastics, I don't get a refund for those sessions.

Comefromaway · 08/05/2019 12:19

I think its the same with everything. I work for a plumbing and heating firm and people think its OK to call a tradesperson out and not pay their bill.

Dh used to run performing arts classes and the amount of parents who sent their children every week but didn't pay their fees was mind boggling.

LagunaBubbles · 08/05/2019 12:20

She does have tight terms in her contract but that's with non payments, these parents are asking to defer payments

Defering payments is non payment though. My DH was a very good childminder. He also asked for payments a month in advance, not arrears but not after learning the hard way.

QuickThinkOfAName · 08/05/2019 12:21

OP - a few things. Firstly I think your sister needs to charge up front. Most places do. Then she is covered for the coming month.

And she can chase for the next months with the very real threat if they don’t pay there’s no childcare.

Also her contact must state payment is due on a certain date. If it isn’t then that’s non payment. Not deferred payment.

She needs to get tougher on payment. Yes they are cheeky fucks but they’re doing it because they think they can get away with it.

Or she could ditch them. Round my way childminders are a rare breed. She could find some less cheeky parents.

OutInTheCountry · 08/05/2019 12:22

My sister used to have this too and she used to drive me mad moaning about it but wouldn't stand up to people. You need to be clear what your terms are and stick to them, I think she was scared they'd go elsewhere and she wouldn't have anything so she wasn't placing a high enough value on the job she did. As other have said, the garage wouldn't have been worried that they'd go elsewhere if they didn't give them credit.

Nomorepies · 08/05/2019 12:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Spideygirl77 · 08/05/2019 12:30

As an ex childminder I can say this is true happens all the time.
One parent told me I spent a fortune on the weekend so can’t afford to pay you this week. Happened once a month or dad will pay when he collects and he would say thought mum paid this morning have no cash on me now. 😕 In the end I had to be quite rude to get paid and that coupled with hanging round at pick up times for nearly an hour while “he has a little play” was nipped in the bud. The children then become demons after impeccable behaviour all day as their parent is in the house and that hour seen my house trashed many times as whenever I said “now we don’t do that” it was almost said well I pay you in the end i got out and never looked back. It was a shame I was good at it and the kids were always a joy during the day.
Thankless job though!...oh and they always send them with raging bugs that infect your whole house then see their bums when you are off sick. Crackers! Refuse to pay then to spite contracts as they know you are self employed and don’t really have a leg to stand on.

Original poster
ShiveringCoyote · 08/05/2019 12:41

I agree DSis needs to toughen up, she's a soft touch and they can see that I think. I don't know why she works in arrears. She always has and 99% of the time it works fine for her.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 08/05/2019 12:58

I don’t think it is particularly that these people don’t value women’s work.
The CM only sees the default to her - but chances are these parents are taking the piss out of other people too!

I think these parents have a mental list of what they can and can’t get away with not paying.

Rent? Better not to miss that.
Council tax? Very quick to CCJ and impact on credit history.
Mobile phone? Instant no phone!
Credit card? Fear of credit history impact
Gas bill? Late is fine, but eventually there is a well used process of legal involvement, CCJ, credit history, even bailiffs...

But Childminder? Very unlikely to ever get to a point where it impacts credit history. Unlikely to just refuse your child because they’re human, but also because if you don’t have the child, the parent doesn’t work, you’re less likely to get paid! Difficulty of finding a other child that fits the hours available, no pay during gap period whilst you’re looking for another child... harder sometimes for a childminder to stand up to the sob story or face to face brass neck!

Sucks though...

NCBabyBoy · 08/05/2019 13:23

@MrsSpencerGregson, that's terrible! I probably didn't translate the campaign very well, but the message was that it wouldn't occur to you to ask the "favours" you ask of people delivering services of people delivering goods. E.g. "Can you bake 100 hot cross buns for me? I'd like to eat five for free and if I like them I will have the remaining 95 as well. I will only be able to pay you if my clients liked them though." What really pissed me off was the fact that a freelancing acquaintance asked me to do about two hours' work - "unfortunately I'm not in a position to pay you for it, but I'll let you benefit from my network"Confused Think I did it too like a mug

herecomestherainagain2 · 08/05/2019 13:24

I pay my cm way in advance - I have to pay in April for example for June charges. So a full month before the start of the month!

Drum2018 · 08/05/2019 13:27

No doubt, but why should she have to?

She has to because otherwise she won't get paid on time. The CF's asking are obviously not going to stop asking if she doesn't say no.

KnitterOfSocks · 08/05/2019 13:28

Gosh, I used to get invoiced 6 weeks in advance (mid March for May childcare) with the payment date being 1st April for childcare commencing 1st May.

FunnyHappyGirl · 08/05/2019 13:38

@HappyNow001 unfortunately, yes, they do try that trick with the council too. A relative of mine worked on a customer service desk for council tax and told me about a few such stories. Including one guy that came in with his summons to court for non-payment and asked to set up a payment plan because he couldn't afford it after spending the last 3 weeks in Disneyworld in Florida!

Or when they tried to help customers with their budgets to ensure they could afford their rent and council tax but fags and Sky Sports came higher in the list of priorities...

I wouldn't dream of paying a CM late. It's not exactly the highest paid job in the world. Do these entitled parents not think that the CM has bills to pay then??

KathleenW · 08/05/2019 13:44

This is a problem though. I would feel dreadful to make a child sit out. I did actually tell one parent that her son could not continue as she hadn't paid a penny but she then went online and gave me 1 star scathing and entirely false reviews on Google and f.book which can be very damaging. She had nothing to lose. I did. I had to take down my f.book business page as they would not remove her review. I'm therefore also cautious about upsetting people because some can become quite malicious.

nancy75 · 08/05/2019 14:57

KathleenW Luckily we've never actually done it, I think the threat combined with the new booking system has helped. They know now if they haven't booked their child is not on the register & they can't come in.
Our business is fairly big & our facebook is not the main contact of our business, but I can imagine you do have to be careful of people using it to be nasty, even though it's them in the wrong for not paying!

namechanger0987 · 08/05/2019 14:58

I understand you all saying be strict and she should be firm and say it's not possible but childminding can be competitive in some areas and many childminders will put up with shit from parents so they don't lose kids or get bad mouthed. Same as many childminders will end up working long long days just to make sure they are full.
Also, I think Childminding is more than just a job, it's very personal and almost more like a friend or family member asking to pay you back at a later date rather than a business transaction.

DarlingNikita · 08/05/2019 15:01

I think Childminding is more than just a job, it's very personal and almost more like a friend or family member asking to pay you back at a later date rather than a business transaction.

What guff. That's just another justification for not treating a childminder as though they're a professional doing a job that has value.

DarlingNikita · 08/05/2019 15:03

Drum, that's why she needs to make it clear in her contract –basically, 'no deferred/late/non-payment tolerated so don't even ask'!

LunchBoxPolice · 08/05/2019 16:25

I'm a cleaner and have encountered similar attitudes. I had a customer who was late paying once... I thought Meh it happens... Second time she was late I had to chase her and thought she's taking the piss now.... Third time I sent multiple messages and she paid up 5 days late. So I fired her and replaced her with a new customer who pays on the day.

woodcutbirds · 08/05/2019 16:34

She needs to learn to say, 'No, that's not possible' very firmly to them. If you say it like you mean it clients respect you more and pay on time.

I think people mess CMs about because the CM is doing what they do for free (looking after their DC) so they see it as an act of love not a job.

m0therofdragons · 08/05/2019 16:45

I worked freelance and did some work for our county council. They took 4 months to pay me each time! It's why I no longer work freelance. Luckily dh was able to cover bills but they didn't know that!