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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for wondering why the government assumes 12 year olds don’t need childcare?

484 replies

HiddenPineapple · 08/05/2019 06:42

Hi folks,
Looking at Tax Free Childcare and I see it stops when a child turns 12.
www.gov.uk/tax-free-childcare
Can I ask what the heck working parents with 12 year olds are expected to do in the summer and why there is so little provision for that tricky bit where they’re pretty independent but you really don’t want them sitting around the house all day on their own?
DS is 12 and it looks like summer care will cost me £125 a week. Normally I’d apply accrued childcare vouchers, but the summer camps are not registered for childcare vouchers. The ones that are registered won’t take him because he’s 12.
Confused

OP posts:
GrapefruitsAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 08/05/2019 08:21

Sorry meant to say the riots started in August!

BogglesGoggles · 08/05/2019 08:21

How is taxing taxpayers money contributing to the economy? Most families are a drain on the economy not net contributors. Those who are net contributors can usually get by without.

Lovemusic33 · 08/05/2019 08:22

Not all 12 year olds can be trusted. Mine can’t, they have autism and dyspraxia. I leave my 15 year old to look after my 13 year old for 3 hours when I work and sometimes that’s too long, I can’t imagine leaving them for 8 hours. I’m a single mum so can’t share child care with their dad.
I don’t know many 12 year olds that are left all day all week.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 08/05/2019 08:23

I'm getting the feeling that some people are equating 'no parents' with 'being alone'. 'I loved being by myself in the holidays when my parents were at work (but my sibling was there)' is not the same as 'my child will be completely alone for 10 hours a day'.

Captaindaddydog · 08/05/2019 08:24

At least there is childcare available for your child. There are plenty of children younger than this who don't have access to it at all or only at very expensive rates.

Springwalk · 08/05/2019 08:28

I have a 12 year old. There is absolutely no way I would leave a 12 year old on their own all day, every day, Monday to Friday. It is far too long. This is bordering on neglect in my view. How lonely and isolating for the child.

It is not like the 70s/80s where you would find lots of children playing outside, and he could find someone to play with, he will literally be by himself for the entire time, who would want that for their child or think it is safe for a solid month?

I am sorry op I don't have a solution, but I do feel for you. The government should adapt to modern day parenting, and stop the scheme at fourteen years old, at that age there is spectrum of things that can be organised, working, volunteering, travelling to friends that live a distance away etc. At twelve there simply isn't any options apart from sitting indoors alone day after day

Flowers
Whatafustercluck · 08/05/2019 08:29

Ds is 8 and already I can see that but the time he's in secondary school he'll be absolutely fine getting to and from school, letting himself in before we get home, making a snack, getting on with it etc. He's sensible and capable.

But I'd struggle knowing he was at home alone every week day from 8 till 6 during school hols. But then I suppose the biggest chunk of time is in the summer, we live in a city, so he will probably go swimming, play some football, go to the cinema, do some gaming with friends etc. I guess there are not many 12 year olds who will be sitting at home, alone, all day.

GrapefruitsAreNotTheOnlyFruit · 08/05/2019 08:29

You need to think that the children will grow up and pay tax. Frankly it's that or mass immigration which most people aren't that keen on.

Also working parents pay tax and if life becomes too hard they will have to work less and pay less tax.

Aside from tax where families and young people fail they may turn to crime. Lock them all up? That will be a lot more experience than some subsidised summer sports camps.

That's the utilitarian argument.

Personally I like to think we could live in a country where we cared about and supported families.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 08/05/2019 08:29

Why does a 12-year-old need his mummy to organise activities for him? He's old enough to entertain himself. Yes, for several weeks.

Tensixtysix · 08/05/2019 08:32

Maybe get the child to do chores whilst at home? It is far too boring watching TV all day.
Why would a 12 year old need babysitting?

Original poster
HiddenPineapple · 08/05/2019 08:32

@ScrewyMcScrewup because otherwise he’d spend all summer watching the Amazing World of Gumball and trying to get around the hefty parental controls on our internet?

OP posts:
WeepingWillowWeepingWino · 08/05/2019 08:35

Why does a 12-year-old need his mummy to organise activities for him?

ODFOD.

Springwalk · 08/05/2019 08:36

screwy Keeping your child mentally and physically well is clearly not a priority for you, but it is for other parents.

tensixty Good luck with that, they will do the jobs in the first thirty minutes, then they have another nine and a half hours to contend with, alone, all day every day. Nice.

Lovemusic33 · 08/05/2019 08:36

Mine would just be glued to a screen all day whilst stuffing their face with the contents of the fridge. My youngest would probably burn the house down.

ScrewyMcScrewup · 08/05/2019 08:43

because otherwise he’d spend all summer watching the Amazing World of Gumball and trying to get around the hefty parental controls on our internet?

And? What's the harm in watching TV or YouTube during the day? If your parental controls are "hefty" he won't be able to get around them.

Learning to entertain yourself is important. 12 is old enough.

PookieDo · 08/05/2019 08:46

I sent mine to summer camps until they were 13/14.
No way was I letting them stay at home by themselves for 4 weeks doing nothing!

Bowerbird5 · 08/05/2019 08:48

I can see the difficulty. I never left mine at that age. Annoying since you have £750 in vouchers saved. I never got a single voucher for my kids.

Could you consider an au pair or childcare in the form of a TA full or part time? I know lots of TA’s / students who work in the summer hols. Could you match up with another family and share one? Even part of the day might work.

wengie · 08/05/2019 08:50

You have two options either give up your job or ring him while you're at work. If it was me I would ring my 12 year old through out the day when I had a break or a bit of time.

MadAboutWands · 08/05/2019 08:51

I'm getting the feeling that some people are equating 'no parents' with 'being alone'. 'I loved being by myself in the holidays when my parents were at work (but my sibling was there)' is not the same as 'my child will be completely alone for 10 hours a day'.

Thats only tue if

  • the child has a sibling older than them (Im assuming you woudt leave lets say a 9yo with an 11yo at home alone0
  • said children actualy getting on together and not constantly fighting
  • said sibling is staying at all and not going out all day with their friends.

The last one in particular is important for me. I do noy expect any of my dcs to curtail their own social agenda for the same of the other.

CanILeavenowplease · 08/05/2019 08:51

It’s not necessary for their safety so why should the tax payer pay for it?

Because it's better for the economy as a whole to have parents out working full time than part time or not at all? Because it will help stop the disparity between male/female pension contributions in the long term when marriages break down? Because some children can't be left at 12 (or older) for all sorts of reasons including immaturity, poor behaviour, disability, SEN needs etc. etc. and their parents wish to be economically active?

isabellerossignol · 08/05/2019 08:54

IF you have any private schools near you see if they do any activities

The OP said she was in N Ireland.

MadAboutWands · 08/05/2019 08:55

wengie fwiw my mum did that when I was a child.
It certainly helped her feel better and know and i was safe. It didnt. ake ay difference to me. I was still bored (I would have spent all my time stuck on a screen if they had existed then). And the 2 mins i had talked with her didnt made a dent on how hard and boring I was finding being at home alone.
Going out in town wasnt particularly entertaining either. Not on your own and for days on end.

ipswichwitch · 08/05/2019 08:56

my DC aren’t that age yet, but I imagine my 7yo to be sensible and capable of being at home at 12 while we work - he’s a good sensible lad who is capable of following the rules. Problem is, he’s never liked being on his own, his friends all live a bus ride away, and DH and I are out the house by 7.30, not home until around 5.

DS2 however is being assessed for asd and I can’t see him being at all capable of being left at home in the holidays. He has no impulse control, his executive function is really poor so no trusting him with a key (he loses everything) and would forget to lock up anyway. I don’t think it would be particularly fair on his older brother to expect him to have to be in charge of him - they get on well but they do fight and DS2 can be controlling and pretty hard to handle at times.

Obviously things could change by the time we are in this position, but we have been talking about what we are going to do when DS2 is in secondary and how we will cover holidays. Not every 12yo is able to be left at home - not if I want a home to come back to!

RosemarysBush · 08/05/2019 08:56

I’m amazed that there are so many 12 year olds left alone all summer. My daughter would have felt so lonely and depressed at that age.
14 is a much more sensible age to be expected to completely direct your day/ week. I remember being 15 and looking back, thinking I was still a child at 13, but at 14 felt a lot more capable. It really depends on the child’s personality and it’s such a shame there’s not more available for this inbetween age.
A weeks summer camp would really break things up for him. When I was a scout leader we’d get children joining about this time of year just so they could go to camp, it’s a bit cheeky but a fantastic experience.

Tanith · 08/05/2019 08:57

Personally I like to think we could live in a country where we cared about and supported families.

We did. The fact is that we don’t any more.
We live in a country where people begrudged paying taxes for these services and voted accordingly for Austerity.
Children and women have been worst affected by the resulting cuts in funding.