Youth club leader called my 13 year old DD....

[siscaza]

A TERF and transphobic for being uncomfortable about allowing boys to use the girls toilets. She is on her period at the moment and is feeling self conscious about it all. Personally I’m not too fussed about pee-ing in a locked cubicle next to a man but I’m 43 and well beyond feeling self conscious!!!

So AIBU for a) finding this term offensive and b) for feeling that it’s inappropriate to force her views upon a girl of that age?

For context I’ve grilled DD and she is adamant this is what happened - she is also on the spectrum and rubbish at lying/exaggerating so I’m inclined to believe her.

WWYD?

Marchingupanddown - I’m sorry but that is out of order, calling a 13 year old girl a bigot. I take offence at that. All she did was say she was uncomfortable with the toilets being a free for all.

Surely its the leader who is being transphobic, by suggesting that having boys in the girls loos is the same as having trans girls.

It suggests that she thinks that trans girls are "really" boys, so cis girls should be happy with all boys, and if they are not they are trans exclusive. From a trans rights point of view she's dismissing the gender identity of trans girls.

What the hell is a TERF?

I am not comfortable using unisex toilets. I don’t want a man hearing me unwrap my tampax.

How is 13 yr old a bigot for not wanting to share toilets with boys?

The Government are pushing to make female toilets open to any male bodied person who wants to use them.

Gentle but persistent questioning and discussion is usually much more effective hmm how polite and passive.

Those are not words which I've ever heard used to describe my gentile and persistent questioning. I have made dozens cry over the years by asking them questions in a low voice (usually I really don't mean to).

I'm going to chuck this wonderful video of Joanna Cherry MP sticking up for women's rights as an illustration that polite is not passive:

parliamentlive.tv/event/index/0364bfc3-5adc-4aef-99bd-48c68daacc38?in=15:27:30&out=15:50:30

What was the context around this? Is there a transgender child in the group?

If the youth leader did in fact do this, then you need to go apeshit on them. Totally unacceptable.

Teenage girls are only just starting to get used to periods and it is very anxiety provoking. I'm sorry but I could not send my child somewhere with such a strong underlying current of sexism.

Anyway the law is on your side.

Without getting into the whole who should use which toilet debate, the leader was wrong to call your daughter this so purely on that I would complain. I think it's wrong for an adult to try to debate the rights and wrongs of this with a 13 year old.

Does your daughter know what it stands for?

No trans child in the group as far as I’m aware.

DD Googled the term, she’s a bright kid and pretty able to work out the message behind the time once she’s googled it.

The period issue can be a challenge for a child on the spectrum with sensory issues, I felt awful for her having to deal with that with the fear that a boy might peer over the cubicle wall (that was the root of her worry).

What on earth is a TERF?

Why was my post deleted???

It was not offensive. I just stated i read March's posting history and ask they not reply to my questions. If that is not allowed then why make a searching a bloody function MNHQ?

Has it Bore!? I didn’t know that.

The youth leader clearly knows nothing of safeguarding or the Equality act. Her own personal opinions are irrelevant.

Your child is entitled in
Law to sex based provision. Only Sex and Gender Reassignment are protected characteristics. The second requires a certificate and is not available to children so none of these boys will be entitled to use female toilets as they cannot have a GRC. Complain in writing.

Quite apart from this your youth leader chose to call your daughter a name which is a horrible slur. There is no excuse for that behaviour as an adult in charge of children no matter what her personal views. I would be extremely angry and concerned for all the children in her care.

I would be reporting that team leader higher up.

Poster can call a child a TERF...post stands.
I say i have searched a posters history and say nothing more but get deleted!!

MNHQ you fucked up.

Jimdandy
What the hell is a TERF?

It's a misogynistic term of abuse reserved for women who recognise that humans can't change sex.

MNHQ have deleted the TERF post, fuzzy. I didn't see yours so can't help there.

siscaza yes. Also 'cis'. Part of the Rules Of Engagement pinned at the top of the Feminist Chat section.

Bore

My post:

Dont answer my previous posts March i read your posting history

Is that worthy of a deletion these days?

Is that worthy of a deletion these days?

Something weird is going on. My post was deleted in seconds. I quoted bore, who was not being remotely abusive to anyone.

Presumably a mod is not liking this thread?

The guidance for schools on mixed sex toilets is that they should be individual rooms with their own sink, not cubicles.

Now I know it's a youth club and not a school, but I would be asking this youth leader why she thinks she can deviate from government guidance on toilet provision for children.

Presumably a mod is not liking this thread?

Drunk on koolaid maybe?

Awaits deletion