My bfs side of the family does not come to visit our newborn baby

[Funnymummy44]

I have a 2 and 3 weeks old baby and I still live at home with my parents. Ever since I’ve had the baby none of my bfs parents and siblings have never once come to visit my baby. I was in hospital for over a week and ever since I’ve come out of hospital I’ve made an effort to bring my nb to visit them( they also live 15/20 mins away) I find it very irritating because they all live together and spend most of the time at home together. Numerous of times they have been in a nearby area (literally 5 mins away) or have even travelled further but have not once stopped by to see my nb. This upsets me because I want my nb to have a relationship with his other family members but I do not want to feel like I’m forcing it or it’s one sided . Also it’s very hard as a new mum to take every thing baby needs there and back continuously and I feel like I don’t get to bond with my nb as much cause im not in my own home. Their reasons for not coming is because they don’t want to come to my parents house because it’s not their own. I’ve made the decision to stop going their until I see efforts reciprocated. Am I in the wrong !

I can kind of understand why they would want to come to your parents house all the time for visits. Just stick to it, don't go. What about your bf? Does he live with you?

Oh aye?

I'm not sure what "I have a 2 and 3 weeks old baby" means though

I would presume, a two year old and baby.

I'm sorry a two months old and two weeks. My boyfriend is hurt cause they don't come and my parents work 6 days a week so are hardly home

You have a two month old baby AND a two week old baby???

Are you teenagers? Do they disapprove? Do they think they'd be invading your parents space?

Hard to judge from what you've said. An awful lot of mums of very small babies would hate to have people just pop by unannounced, even family. You might be put, having a nap, have just got the baby off to sleep, etc. And a lot of people don't pop by at all - I would never drop in on someone unannounced.

Instead of expecting them to just pop by, issue a specific invitation. Doesn't have to be for anything or fancy, but something along the lines of "I've really appreciated your hospitality, now I'd like to reciprocate. I'd love it if you would come over for tea/coffee on Tuesday afternoon. Let me know what time works best for you.

If you suspect the issue is that they think they are not welcome by your parents, make the invitation "my parents and I would like to invite you over..."

I'm 20 and he's 4 years older. My parents get along well with his parents considering the fact that my parents go to their house to visit them and both our mothers speak on the phone all the time

Have you invited them over? Perhaps they don't feel comfortable just popping into your parents house.

Have you made clear they’re welcome to pop in? Some families don’t feel comfortable doing that and need to be explicitly invited. Maybe if they feel they can just pop in for a couple of minutes on their way to/from somewhere they’d be around more? 15/20 minutes away is nothing; and it very much lends itself to just popping round for a cup of tea more often, rather than having to plan long journeys and longer stays. Could you set up a little WhatsApp group to send them pictures if you want them more involved? Over time i’m Sure they’ll feel more comfortable.

Does your boyfr live with you?

I have one child whose almost 3 months basically

My in laws didn’t visit when I lived at home. We went to them. When we got our own house they started coming over. It’s just weird for people sometimes.

My boyfriend still lives at home but always stays at my house. We've invited them over before but they never came

I can understand why inlaws would feel uncomfortable at visiting you at your parents' house.

That's a very young baby and if you've been to see them that may be as much as they feel the need to see your dc. Do you get on? Because it's really you they'd be spending the time with as until the baby is older there isn't so much of a relationship there. Obviously if they were great grandparents and/or big into babies they'd come over to cuddle dc and help out, but maybe they'll be more interested when the dc is older and maybe when you have your own place. Maybe not, but it's early days and they have seen your dc so probably lower expectations will save you more upset.

My parents have also said numerous of times that they are welcome to come even I have💁‍♀️

gosh, I'd have given anything for my in laws to have left me to it at that stage. I'm not sure why you're pushing it.

Are you lonely? Have you looked into joining groups so make friends with other new mums?

Children can have great relationships with grandparents they see a few times a year. Relationships tend to find their own equilibrium in terms of how regular the catch ups are. They might be happy with less regular contact than you are, and that's ok.

I don't understand how you have a 3month old and a 2 week old?

I'd stay at home if you prefer. Sod em!

Is there more neutral territory near you that you could suggest - a park or cafe? Less of a faff for you but feels less like an imposition for them?

It wouldn't bother me but it's like they always ask when am I bring the baby etc but no one understands the stress I go through into bringing the baby. I spent a lot of time there when I was pregnant and before

The OP has one baby who is 2 and a half month old baby.

I would sod them. Or your boyfriend can take baby over with all the stuff for an hour or so.

I think OP means the baby is 2 months and 3 weeks old. So one baby, 11 weeks old. Although it was worded oddly!

Picture it like this if I don't go there for a month they won't see baby for a month and that worries me a lot