My bfs side of the family does not come to visit our newborn baby

[Funnymummy44]

I have a 2 and 3 weeks old baby and I still live at home with my parents. Ever since I’ve had the baby none of my bfs parents and siblings have never once come to visit my baby. I was in hospital for over a week and ever since I’ve come out of hospital I’ve made an effort to bring my nb to visit them( they also live 15/20 mins away) I find it very irritating because they all live together and spend most of the time at home together. Numerous of times they have been in a nearby area (literally 5 mins away) or have even travelled further but have not once stopped by to see my nb. This upsets me because I want my nb to have a relationship with his other family members but I do not want to feel like I’m forcing it or it’s one sided . Also it’s very hard as a new mum to take every thing baby needs there and back continuously and I feel like I don’t get to bond with my nb as much cause im not in my own home. Their reasons for not coming is because they don’t want to come to my parents house because it’s not their own. I’ve made the decision to stop going their until I see efforts reciprocated. Am I in the wrong !

Why does it bother you?

You can't force people to be involved with your child, even if they are close family. Honestly I'd just accept they're not going to be the sort of family you expect them to be and allow the relationship to develop in a way that works for both sides.

Why do you feel the need to go there? Why can't bf take his child home to see his family?

U said u have a 2 month old baby, and a 2 week old baby?

I'd have given my right arm to be left in peace at that age but each to their own

You can't force someone to come and visit but think of it this way: it's their loss, not yours. Are both children to the same man? I'm asking as they may find it awkward if they aren't. Just an idea.

And how the hell are your children 2 months and 2 weeks old? Do you mean 2 years??

How did that work?😂

From your update then it sounds like the pattern is established from way back that you go there (to see boyfriend primarily, presumably) and not that they come to you. What is the stress involved in you going there? Surely it gives you more control over when you see them, don't have the stress of hosting and you can leave when you want.

What is stressful about taking the baby to their house? Are you ok?

Oh op you have ONE child who is basically 3 months. Very confusing that was lol

She has one child who is 2 months and 2 weeks old. So 10/11 weeks.

You worded this so weirdly. A 2.5 month old also isn't really a newborn.

@OP

Do you have your own place, or do you always live with your parents?

How do you have a newborn and a 2month old??

Please people RTFT. OP has already clarified she has One baby who is almost 3 months old. She phrased it really badly but there is only one baby who is 10 weeks old. She was trying to say a 2.5 month old baby.

THE OP HAS ONE CHILD WHO IS NEARLY 3 MONTHS OLD.

It wasn't worded very well true but give her a break she's not long had a baby!

I can see why people don't feel massively comfortable coming over to your parent's home, perhaps they feel like they're intruding.

Are there any plans to move out soon?

Next time they say "when are you coming over", just say "I'd really appreciate it if you'd come to visit us next, please, as that would be easier for me this time. How about Friday?" Clear communication.

If they really won't come even though the respective parents get on well, I wonder if there is something about your house they don't like that they aren't telling you? Is someone in your house a smoker, and they don't want to visit a house that smells of smoke? Do you have a pet that they don't like / are afraid of / have allergies to? Is the house not very clean? Too clean and they are worried they'll mess it up? Is it impossible to park?

@Funnymummy44 next time they say 'when are you bringing baby over' you respond something like:

'I'm sure you remember/can imagine what transporting newborns about can be like. But we'd love to see you, why don't you come over to ours on Tuesday at 10?'

Or you could say the baby suddenly hates the car or something.

Or just be honest 'I'd love to see more of you but it's easier for you to drive just yourselves here than it is for me to disturb the baby and get her and all her paraphernalia into & out of the car to visit you. Please come anytime don't bring a thing.'

Don't sit around getting annoyed without giving them a chance. If you're always visiting them they may assume you like getting out and about and not realise the trouble you're putting yourself through.

As long as your BF is coming to be involved with the baby I wouldn't worry about the rest of the family. He is coming daily to care for your baby?

I don't know why it worries you? My in-laws are rubbish at keeping in touch and never visit us because they think we live too far away which in all honesty is fine by me! My kids FaceTime them and actually have a great relationship with them! You are overthinking things and essentially letting a nonissue become way bigger than it needs to be!

Bloody hell, how did people on here get to adulthood and manage to join Mumsnet yet be completely unable to understand or read a thread post ?? The op has.already explained numerous times she made a typo, the baby is 2 months and 2 weeks old.

Two and a half months for the people at the back who are still trying so hard to be deliberately thick.

Op, I get where you're coming from entirely. Just carry on inviting them round, or ask to meet locally for a walk out or.something and a coffee. Explain its harder getting to them now with baby in tow. I really wouldn't waste anymore headspace on it.

@BabyDarlingDollfaceHoney I think up to 3 months is technically a newborn.

Not that it matters, I found a sleepy newborn easier to transport around than an older baby who had a nap cycle and opinions on getting in the car etc.

Do they seem interested? My OH family has never been to my house to see baby. I always take him there. There home is like the family hub and everyone pops in. I have a great relationship with them.

Probably is a bit awkward for them going to your parents house

They might just not be that interested.
My husbands family aren't close. When they are together it's great but there's no real effort otherwise. They have no obligation to your child. Just drop the rope. If they don't visit then that's that. But the onus is on you to maintain a relationship if you're the one who wants it.

I don't understand why they won't pop in and see you at your parents house. I don't understand how several posts say they understand why your in-laws wouldn't want to visit at your parents house.