Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to shout at my new colleague "you didn't die, if you had you wouldn't be here talking shite"

169 replies

Whatdoesitmatteranyway · 07/05/2019 09:13

Just that.

Apparently he was in a bad accident several years ago and "died" three times.

No he didn't. We haven't the ability to resurrect people.

DH does this as well. Tells me about his friend who "died" for 10 minutes after a heart episode. I have pointed out that he can't have died and I get told that no, he did. the doctors told him.

I want to go find a plank and hit either me or him over the head with it - which ever is quickest to shut up his bollocks.

I want to get an ad campaign stating this bloody obvious point because its ridiculous the number of people who parrot it out.

OP posts:
vampirethriller · 07/05/2019 11:22

If you think him telling you about his very serious accident is him talking shite then you don't sound nice at all. Just ignore him if you don't like it.

Toddlerteaplease · 07/05/2019 11:24

Getting circulation back after a cardiac arrest is rare. Especially if out of hospital. He's probably very traumatised by it.

Amazonfromkent · 07/05/2019 11:24

Suddenly all these clinical experts on MN. Really, I'm glad I'm not working alongside you OP.

Broadlygotit · 07/05/2019 11:24

Resuscitation is performed to correct a physiological problem which might cause death.
Resurrection is to bring back from the dead.
Both are very different to me and I believe if someone dies then they’re dead.

Supergrassyknoll · 07/05/2019 11:26

@JaneJeffer 😂😭😂😭

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:32

It just so happens that your friend here is only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead.
GrinGrinGrin

I've watched it recently too!

I wonder if they also got him to talk while "mostly dead".

More seriously, clinically dead is dead. Action has to be taken to bring the body back to life. And there's a time limit to do it.

recrudescence · 07/05/2019 11:38

Tell him firmly that he did not die and wish him better luck next time.

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:44

Ask him about tunnels and lights. Or out of body experiences. If he didn't have any of those, then he didn't die. Sorted.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 07/05/2019 11:53

If it's an occasional story, I likely wouldn't think about the differences between clinically dead and biologically dead or doubt what he says he was told by doctors.

If he's telling this story a lot, I might tell him that it sounds like it was very traumatising for him and he should get a professional to help him comes to terms with it as I'm not really a suitable person for that.

Most people in these situations are reliant on what we're told by medical professionals so if someone is told they died, I think most wouldn't split hairs on it. I tried to get the records for a near-death experience I had (was under the care of HCPs before and throughout so wrongly thought there would be records on the whole thing) and there are gaps so I'm left with mixed and limited information I was given shortly after. I know I have had one blood transfusion that I was conscious for, but there are two-three others and a procedure to deal with the large amount of bleeding that was a large part of why I wasn't conscious for those which aren't in the records I was able to get (the cause also isn't in those records, but I know that one as I was very awake for that part - a HCP fucked up and tried to cover it up, which is part of why I had tried to get records). I can only say how close to death I was told I was and how I felt bleeding out that much, whatever technical terms or dividing lines might be there aren't something I know. I use bleeding out because that's how it was described to me and the best way I can think to describe it, though since I didn't die from it that might not be the best technical phrase for it.

ChaircatMiaow · 07/05/2019 11:53

This is actually a really interesting (and occasionally hilarious) thread.

Can I please clarify something with those of you with medical backgrounds? Some posters have mentioned that people are rarely resuscitated after cardiac arrest, but other posters have said that people are resuscitated all the time. Which is it? I always imagined that people are resuscitated all the time, but now I’m curious because posters have said that people rarely come back.

HappySonHappyMum · 07/05/2019 11:56

Actually I know someone who 'died' three times after an extremely bad car accident. He's lucky to be here and still suffers from the after effects of that accident 10 years later. He will never be the same person that he was. It's affected him physically, emotionally and mentally. I would suggest rather than ridiculing him that you find a quiet time to have a proper conversation about it so he feels heard and understood. A bit of empathy would go a long way here.

Lweji · 07/05/2019 11:58

Some posters have mentioned that people are rarely resuscitated after cardiac arrest

IIRC, they said it was rare out of the hospital. In the hospital it's easier and more common.

flabella · 07/05/2019 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PettyContractor · 07/05/2019 12:04

WIkipedia has a lot to say on the definition of death.

Historically, attempts to define the exact moment of a human's death have been subjective, or imprecise. Death was once defined as the cessation of heartbeat (cardiac arrest) and of breathing, but the development of CPR and prompt defibrillation have rendered that definition inadequate because breathing and heartbeat can sometimes be restarted. This type of death where circulatory and respiratory arrest happens is known as the circulatory definition of death (DCDD). Proponents of the DCDD believe that this definition is reasonable because a person with permanent loss of circulatory and respiratory function should be considered dead.[14] Critics of this definition state that while cessation of these functions may be permanent, it does not mean the situation is not irreversible, because if CPR was applied, the person could be revived.[14] Thus, the arguments for and against the DCDD boil down to a matter of defining the actual words "permanent" and "irreversible," which further complicates the challenge of defining death. Furthermore, events which were causally linked to death in the past no longer kill in all circumstances; without a functioning heart or lungs, life can sometimes be sustained with a combination of life support devices, organ transplants and artificial pacemakers.

Today, where a definition of the moment of death is required, doctors and coroners usually turn to "brain death" or "biological death" to define a person as being dead; people are considered dead when the electrical activity in their brain ceases. It is presumed that an end of electrical activity indicates the end of consciousness. Suspension of consciousness must be permanent, and not transient, as occurs during certain sleep stages, and especially a coma. In the case of sleep, EEGs can easily tell the difference.

The category of "brain death" is seen as problematic by some scholars. For instance, Dr. Franklin Miller, senior faculty member at the Department of Bioethics, National Institutes of Health, notes: "By the late 1990s... the equation of brain death with death of the human being was increasingly challenged by scholars, based on evidence regarding the array of biological functioning displayed by patients correctly diagnosed as having this condition who were maintained on mechanical ventilation for substantial periods of time. These patients maintained the ability to sustain circulation and respiration, control temperature, excrete wastes, heal wounds, fight infections and, most dramatically, to gestate fetuses (in the case of pregnant "brain-dead" women)."[15]

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death

PettyContractor · 07/05/2019 12:06

Some posters have mentioned that people are rarely resuscitated after cardiac arrest, but other posters have said that people are resuscitated all the time. Which is it? I always imagined that people are resuscitated all the time, but now I’m curious because posters have said that people rarely come back.

I saw a doctor on TV once saying that in real life (unlike in TV dramas) resuscitation is seldom successful, and when it does there is often brain damage.

ChaircatMiaow · 07/05/2019 12:15

So is CPR pointless, to the extent that you could keep heart beating and breathing going For a while, but it’s rare that the person is actually saved?

Ninkaninus · 07/05/2019 12:16

Just because it happens every day doesn’t mean it happens to the majority of the people they try it on, does it? There could be any number of people that day that go into cardiac arrest, and only a certain number of those will be successfully resuscitated.

Also someone might be briefly brought back but then it may not last, and the next time it might not work.

Lifeover · 07/05/2019 12:16

well he actually was clinically dead if his heart stopped. He might have PTSD and finds talking about it helps or alternatively might be unable to move on from the trauma.

Maybe have a bit of patience and understanding. judging by your intolerance to both him and your DH maybe many people avoid you for your lack of empathy

DecomposingComposers · 07/05/2019 12:17

Some posters have mentioned that people are rarely resuscitated after cardiac arrest, but other posters have said that people are resuscitated all the time.

I have attended many cardiac arrests as a nurse. I have only seen 1 person resuscitated and they died a few days later.

That being said, these people were all very ill and many were elderly.

Even so, arrests outside of hospital are not often successful although the cause of the arrest and the availability of good CPR and a defib will all make a difference to the outcome.

It is in no way as successful as tv makes it seem though.

Blobbyweeble · 07/05/2019 12:19

A study reported by the National Resus Council found that between 14 and 26% of people who have an in hospital cardiac arrest survive to leave hospital, depending on what time of day the arrest happened, it did not say if those who left hospital were totally recovered cognitively. Figures were similar to those obtained in USA and Sweden so not specific to the NHS. The figures are much lower for out of hospital cardiac arrests for fairly obvious reasons

DecomposingComposers · 07/05/2019 12:20

So is CPR pointless, to the extent that you could keep heart beating and breathing going For a while, but it’s rare that the person is actually saved?

It's not pointless. That person might be one of the success stories. Also they might have a reversible condition that you wouldn't know until medical help arrived. Whilst the chances of resus might be slim if you stand by and do nothing they have literally no chance.

Lifeover · 07/05/2019 12:20

Oh and to wade in with the CPR argument, there is a chance it would work, but likely to end up with brain damage, although obviously not in all cases. It is unlikely that you will have the same quality of life as before.

It is why many choose DNR.

handslikecowstits · 07/05/2019 12:21

Did you lock him in the basement with the clinical waste as a punishment?

Innernutshell · 07/05/2019 12:23

I'd mention I've died of boredom listening to it if it comes up again. Grin

He reminds me of those people who - following a dramatic incident - say if that car had been 5 mins earlier/3 metres closer/20 miles faster etc etc I'D HAVE BEEN KILLED

Yeah - but it wasn't and you aren't. FFS.

Belenus · 07/05/2019 12:24

Being pedantic- he was clinically dead, but not biologically dead- they are two seperate things. So yes, he was 'dead' but not dead, dead (biologically dead).

This. And as per the Wiki entry, death doesn't actually have one hard and fast definition. It is easier to detect now but it wasn't that unusual until fairly recently for people to be declared dead and then come back to life. It's partly why dissection was so feared and why it was used as a punishment for criminals. People who were hanged could revive despite being declared dead and so could wake up later, possibly whilst being dissected. (If you were hanged properly with a "hangman's break" at the C2 this wouldn't happen).

So your colleague is right OP. By some definitions he was dead. A bit of sympathy at what was a profound experience for him would go a long way.

Swipe left for the next trending thread