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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister being cheeky and lazy

66 replies

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:11

My sister has 4 children aged under 12. They have all stayed at our parents, two hours away, because she's been working all weekend. They are supposed to be back to school today. She told our DM she wouldn't be able to get there till midnight last night so they may as well stay another day and have the day off school.

Me, DM and DD2 was supposed to be going for afternoon tea which we've now had to cancel as the kids will be there. I spoke to my sister yesterday early evening and she said she was home but as she knew me and DD was going over today shes promised her children they can go shopping with me and DM.

She's now taken the huff with me because I said me and DM have had to cancel plans and that the kids should be in school as it's not a holiday. She was also expecting me to bring them home with me but I won't have enough room in my car.

It's really annoyed me as I don't get much quality time with DM.

OP posts:

DoneLikeAKipper · 07/05/2019 08:24

Depends. Was this weekend working away a rarity or is it a common occurrence to rely on such childcare for your parents? If it’s a one off or similar, I’d just chalk it up to one of those things unfortunately, though rather unfortunate it coincided with your plans.

Original poster

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:26

Its every weekend/holiday but she was supposed to pick the kids up last night but when she heard me and DD was coming over shes let them stay another day and be off school. I know it really annoys DM but she feels like she cant say anything as my sister gets offended by it. She had finished work by 5 yesterday so could have got them yesterday but wouldn't

OP posts:

DoneLikeAKipper · 07/05/2019 08:30

If your mum feels like she can’t commit to this anymore then she needs to tell your sister. It’s rather unfair they have to such a journey every weekend, especially if it’s getting to the point of missing school. Yes she’s taking advantage, but that’s only because your mother is allowing it.

If she works weekends, why couldn’t she pick them up on Sunday, as the usual arrangement? Also, if she finishes at five, why couldn’t she pick them up until midnight?

Sagradafamiliar · 07/05/2019 08:32

Misguided of her to let the kids have a day off school but it sounds like she thought it would be nice for them and your DD to spend some time.

For what it's worth, you sound like you really dislike her.

Bibijayne · 07/05/2019 08:32

I think you and your DM need to make plans for a nice weekend together, where she cannot babysit your DNs.

ThePerturbedPenguin · 07/05/2019 08:34

I would dislike her for good reason! What a crap mum, to be honest.

Original poster

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:34

She told DM she wouldn't be free till midnight but when I rang her she slipped up and said she was home and had finished work. I think she had text DN to say they could stay off school and come shopping today now DM doesn't want to disappoint them.

I feel bad now I don't want to go as I can't be bothered taking 5 kids shopping (Pregnant and as hoping for a relaxing day with DM and Dd 🙄)

OP posts:

NCforthis2019 · 07/05/2019 08:35

So you despise her for the help your mother has had to give her? Does she take up a lot of your mums time because she has 4 kids? You sound like you’re at the end of your tether.

Original poster

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:36

I am beginning to dislike her and I feel sad saying it, she's my sister. But she never speaks to me unless she needs a favour. She has no backbone with her kids and let's them do what they want and is moody/ignoring me because I said they should be in school

OP posts:

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/05/2019 08:37

Do not be a doormat! If the kids are disappoint it's because their mother is a CF.
That is not your problem. Your sister needs to learn that she can't just dump her kids on other people.
If anything you need to disappoint the kids so she doesn't try and pull this again.

Also did you tell your mum she lied and was at home?

Original poster

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:39

I rang DM and told her to ring her as she had just told me she was home. DM said it was too late and shell just have to have the kids an extra day.

OP posts:

Redlocks28 · 07/05/2019 08:41

I agree with you-she is being bloody cheeky!

Going shopping and to afternoon tea for two adults and one DD (yours who I am presuming is too young for school) is a completely different experience to two adults taking 5 children shopping-who would do that?! Who would be paying for all the things??

I would cancel going at all and tell your sister why.

She's now taken the huff with me

I’m afraid I wouldn’t give a crap about that. She is taking the piss big time. I don’t really understand why your mum doesn’t tell her so.

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 07/05/2019 08:43

Sister is taking the piss. YANBU. She sounds awful, shit daughter, shit mother, shit sister.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/05/2019 08:46

You also need to let your mother struggle with them. Don't jump in and try and help. That's what your sister wants.
Your mother agreed to have them. Now she needs to see that it's time she stood up to your sister. Don't drive them back, don't get involved. Just tell your mother to let you know when they're gone so you can visit.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/05/2019 08:48

Is she a single parent? It must be tough for her with 4 kids and having to work weekends. I bet the last thing she fancies after a full weekend is driving for four hours to pick her kids up and then having to sort them all out. She must be pretty burnt out.

Where is their Dad in all this?

llangennith · 07/05/2019 08:49

I'd be annoyed and upset too! Your sister is a CF and lazy parent.
Don't waste your time and energy taking her kids shopping. If your DM wants to do that let her take them without you.

BentBaastard · 07/05/2019 08:49

Can’t she come and get them now so you can still go out with your mum?

lborgia · 07/05/2019 08:49

Does your sister ever saying anything about being overwhelmed/ struggling? Is there a partner? If she doesn't seem to be down, or exhausted, it seems terrible behaviour... but I can imagine feeling overwhelmed by her workload. Given the picture you paint, she does sound like she needs a swift kick.

StealthPolarBear · 07/05/2019 08:49

She was home by 5pm yesterday but they're having the day off today? How crap.
Is their father around? What input into all this does he have?

lborgia · 07/05/2019 08:49

Xpost!

llangennith · 07/05/2019 08:51

Is she a single parent? It must be tough for her with 4 kids and having to work weekends

If you're a single parent with four kids you don't take on a job that means you work weekends.

Morgan12 · 07/05/2019 08:51

Why not tell her she needs to collect them now? And then you and DM can still have your day?
Or invite your sister to come and you all take the kids out?

LetsSplashMummy · 07/05/2019 08:53

Assuming (as she thought you'd bring her DCs home) that you live near her. Can your DM bring her kids back and go out with you, in your town, after dropping them home?

bamboofibre · 07/05/2019 08:53

YANBU. Leave your mother to them. Don't jump in and help. She needs to sort out their transport herself, just go somewhere else you and DD.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 07/05/2019 08:58

Complete CF

She lied about having to work and just wanted an extra day to herself, told the kids before actually checking it was ok, and is keeping them off school for absolutely no reason. Who keeps 3 kids off school as they cant be bothered to pick them up!? It's people like her that mean everyone else is pressured to take their kids in when they're ill because attendance is low.

If she wanted them to see you and your daughter she should have arranged it with you

She is taking advantage and your mum needs to say something before it gets worse and she falls out with her permanently

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