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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister being cheeky and lazy

66 replies

blublue · 07/05/2019 08:11

My sister has 4 children aged under 12. They have all stayed at our parents, two hours away, because she's been working all weekend. They are supposed to be back to school today. She told our DM she wouldn't be able to get there till midnight last night so they may as well stay another day and have the day off school.

Me, DM and DD2 was supposed to be going for afternoon tea which we've now had to cancel as the kids will be there. I spoke to my sister yesterday early evening and she said she was home but as she knew me and DD was going over today shes promised her children they can go shopping with me and DM.

She's now taken the huff with me because I said me and DM have had to cancel plans and that the kids should be in school as it's not a holiday. She was also expecting me to bring them home with me but I won't have enough room in my car.

It's really annoyed me as I don't get much quality time with DM.

OP posts:

OwlBeThere · 07/05/2019 10:04

Do you live near your mother OP?

Look, it’s not great not going to pick them up without clearing it with your mum, but ONE day off is hardly going to ruin their education and if you live 2 hours apart maybe she just thought it would be nice for your dd and her kids to spend some time together. You can rearrange your afternoon tea, I know it’s an annoyance but it doesn’t sound like she was deliberately trying to mess up your plans.
The childcare is a completely deprecate issue. Your mum agreed to it and if she doesn’t want to do it anymore she needs to talk to your sister. Either way it’s realkt nothing to do with you. You sound petty and jealous.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/05/2019 10:13

She told her mum she wouldn’t finish til late

No according to the OP she said she couldn’t get there until late. So possibly doing some of the stuff that always needs doing when you have 4 kids and work weekends. Or possibly just sleeping before attempting a 4 hour round trip.

OP my sister monopolises most of my mums time with childcare demands; she is a single parent with a SEN kid and a useless ex. She doesn’t even do it to work; it’s mostly to have a break, socialise and have a bit of a life. I suck it up because my sister’s life is very hard and mine is pretty nice. My mum has a tongue in her head, she would say if it was too much. I’d love to see more of her, afternoon tea and such. She would love to see more of my kids who are much more charming and pleasant than DSis’s. It is what it is. You do your best for your family.

Antigon · 07/05/2019 10:15

Sounds like your sister was expecting you and DM to buy things for her children, which does make her cheeky.

Taking 4 extra kids out is not cheap!!

I would stop telling her your plans with your DM, OP.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/05/2019 10:17

*I feel sorry for her poor kids.

They obviously aren’t her top priority.*

Yeah I expect she’s just working all weekend for the fun of it

ThatsTheLastISawOfHim · 07/05/2019 10:18

Yanbu

Contraceptionismyfriend · 07/05/2019 10:19

She needs to work regardless of the children so that's not a stick to beat people with.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/05/2019 10:24

Will her day off be worth a fine of £240 (or whatever it is)?

It's because of people like her who just treat school as something that you can arbitrarily miss if it's inconvenient (and I'm guessing that this is far from a one-off) that they clamp down on and disbelieve the parents of children who are genuinely too ill to go in.

There are families who go without holidays for years, because they aren't allowed time off during term-time and parents simply can't get annual leave in the school holidays (or are self-employed in tourism themselves and those weeks are their bread and butter) - and then there are people who just really couldn't care less.

I'm not saying that she's necessarily lazy; most likely the exact opposite if she's a single parent of 4 children - but she IS inconsiderate and highly irresponsible. She needs to make it clear that she desperately needs a break sometimes and arrange in advance for family to help out in a way that will help her and fit around her job and their schooling and avoid her feeling the need to lie about it.

She does also need to understand the basics of having 4 children i.e. if they're travelling in a car, there will need to be 4 seats available for them (as well as enough appropriate-age child seats to hand).

As a PP said, though, I can't begin to imagine how a single parent of 4 under-12s could ever have thought that a weekend job could work.

Holidayshopping · 07/05/2019 10:57

maybe she just thought it would be nice for your dd and her kids to spend some time together

Then she should speak to the OP and plan something they both agree to! Maybe even invite them over to her house!

She can’t just decide that it will be ‘nice’ for the OP to cancel her premade plans and take 4 extra kids shopping for the day! Who would pay for anything the kids wanted?!

OwlBeThere · 07/05/2019 11:10

I’m guessing this is far from a one off
There is literally no way you can know that, there is nothing in the OP to suggest that is the case.

@holidayshopping, I’m not saying she didn’t go about it all in a really stupid way, or that if wasn’t unfair to their mum. She did a daft thing, for sure. But she doesn’t appear to have known about the afternoon tea, so it doesn’t seem like she was deliberately trying to spoil the OPs plans. I think calling her lazy is really unfair, thoughtless and not thinking things through, yes. Owes their mum an apology, yes. But calling her a bad mum is too far.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 07/05/2019 11:29

I’m guessing this is far from a one off
There is literally no way you can know that, there is nothing in the OP to suggest that is the case.

Maybe I'm being unfair and jumping to conclusions, but the tone of the OP suggests to me that she has form for 'assuming' that others will just pick up the slack. Also, unless this was an extreme anomaly with her needing to work at the weekend, that must be nigh on impossible to juggle without a lot of support (much of which the father(s) should also be providing, of course).

OwlBeThere · 07/05/2019 11:39

All I know is that if I was a mother to a single mum of 4 id not see if as taking advantage her asking me to help her be able to work to provide for her family.

PepsiLola · 07/05/2019 13:17

Sounds like your DM has put your sister before you too! I would be fed up with DM as well as sister

PepsiLola · 07/05/2019 13:19

How often does she allow the kids to miss Monday's at school? Has it not been flagged?

fedup21 · 07/05/2019 13:27

All I know is that if I was a mother to a single mum of 4 id not see if as taking advantage her asking me to help her be able to work to provide for her family.

Was your sister actually working today, @blublue?

So single mums of 4 don’t have to consider anyone else’s feelings, is that right?

Antigon · 07/05/2019 14:24

@OwlBeThere

I’m guessing this is far from a one off

*There is literally no way you can know that

That's why the poster used the word 'guess'. It's inviting OP to share more details, nothing wrong with that.

AryaStarkWolf · 07/05/2019 14:29

YANBU, your sister is a cheeky fucker, why would you want to bring 4 extra children shopping?

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