to ask what you would think of this

[fizzysci]

A parent who takes her DCs to school and then goes home and goes to bed for most of the morning and then gets up a couple of hours before collecting the DCs and then goes to bed about the normal time for an adult.

I'm perpetually exhausted. Hypothyroid, low iron and b12. I can easily sleep for 10 hours, be up for 3-4, then nap. I slept for 15 hours on sat as DC were at their dads for their weekly overnight.
I manage a FT job, keep the house going, do 90% of the parenting etc.but feel wretched most of the day.
I wouldn't judge anyone for sleeping. If I had the option to.sleep for 11hours each night, I'd be a different person.

If it's you OP, you need to see a doctor. For many, they're lucky enough for it to be something treatable. It's normal or OK to be like this

I wish I could but in reality I get a neck ache lying down too long then a headache so it’s not practical

I would wonder firstly about their physical and mental health and then think they probably have a very messy house

I often do this but I work long 10-12hr late, physical shifts and have chronic rheumatoid arthritis so I'd asumme they were ill in someway.
They could of course just love sleep but wouldn't worry me at all, wouldn't think twice about it!

My mil did this. My bil had special needs which was exhausting for her and she has also always struggled with depression.
I also have a friend who BPD who sleeps like this. She has always had erratic sleep patterns but she can sleep until 4 pm if left to her own devices. Slightly different from depression but I think she is constantly exhausted from her emotions being so extreme.
That said I don't know what I would think if someone did this who I didn't know well enough to ask. I'd probably be concerned though.

I nap every day. I take the dc to school and get on with the usual chores, but as soon as I have eaten lunch I am overwhelmed with exhaustion and have to nap.

My bloods came back as normal. I do have depression and things are tough at the moment, however the crash always come after eating lunch.

Sounds a bit like me, chronic insomnia means I survive on naps. I go to bed at a 'normal' time, sleep for a couple of hours, get up for a few, nap, get up again, go to work(part time) come home and nap again. It feels almost wasteful to do it, but I can't manage on 2 hours of sleep in 24.

I used to do this but I worked nights. Some people at my dcs school just thought I was lazy.

I would think you might be being terribly judgemental about someone else's life without having any of the facts (and is it really your business?) and if you aren't going to help then please, at least don't be a bitch about it. I have some experience with people coping/not coping with depression and ill health. Having non-supportive, ignorant friends doesn't help.

There are quite a variety of things it could be. I would encourage medical help if it was new. Many people don't realise they are depressed and feel shame about it.

I'd think they had an illness of some sort and not judge at all. Not my business. I had very severe insomnia for a while and used to do most of the housework, batch cooking, ironing, etc. at night/small hours of the morning, get a couple of hours of sleep if possible, sort kids and get them to school and sleep from about 9.30 - 1 or so, take a shower, get lunch and do the school run.

I had to do this for 5 months whilst doctors tested me for every imaginable reason to identify why I wasn't well.

They still haven't cracked it...but they did find medication that made a massive difference. I still struggle sometimes though and have been known to crawl back into bed after school run on my RDO.

Couldn't give a flying fuck what people think of that!

This was me for a period of time after I had a tfmr. With hindsight I was probably depressed

My life, except DH gets DC up for school before he goes to work. I'm physically very unwell and recovering from major surgery. Some days I struggle to be up for four hours.

Depression, especially with the OP assuming others will be judging what she does during the day! It's unlikely they will know!

Is everything OK, OP?

On a minimal basis just a bit knackered

On a regular basis possibly depressed with low mood etc or underlying medical issues.

If they're sleeping 8 hours at night but still feel the 'need' to sleep so soon after getting up I'd advise a trip to the doctors for a check up. If this is you that's what I'd advise. If it's not you then it's unlikely you'll know enough about the person's lifestyle/sleep habits/ health to know. I personally prefer 2 sleeps. 5+3 or 6+2 and lived that way through uni. Sadly working life is not conducive but when on maternity it worked well for me.

I wouldn't judge....Ive been there and it's not something to be joking about...I had a period of 7 months when I couldn't physically get out of bed before lunchtime because I was just so exhausted- prior to this I'd been struggling to get to work and had no idea what was wrong with me .....Ive now been diagnosed with a rare chronic autoimmune disease and I'm still on steroids and chemo for it 18 months later
Please seek medical advice

If not depressed or a physical ailment could be night shifts or shift worker
Younger child who goes to CM or pre school up all night (mine was up all night until about 18m, I was a zombie at work)
On my old shift pattern I would get in at 3am and DC would wake up at 6am I would bundle her off to nursery and go back to bed....and lie awake for ages😣ffs.

Ability to go back to sleep once I’m awake for the day is nil now I’m a parent

V poorly but trying her best

I had this. It was leukaemia. Try not to judge.

@fizzysci

Are you the parent in question?

I'd assume they were ill. I spend a lot of time in bed. I have severe chronic pain and depression, plus my general health is poor,

She could work night shifts, alternatively

I often do this. I have depression and other mental health and physical health problems. Sometimes it’s all I can do, to keep safe, and get through the day.

I focus all my energies on 06:30 - 09:00 and 15:00 - 19:30. Having a child with additional needs, being a single parent with my own health challenges, I’m doing my best.

I’m present, active, engaged and connecting with my child during our time together in the mornings and after school. In order to do this, I need to sleep, or just retreat under the duvet, during the day.

Being depressed is hard enough without me piling on the guilt and shame. Being kind to myself and listening to my needs is nurturing. i’m caring for myself at times of illness appropriately.

If this is you OP, go gentle on yourself. Show compassion, but if it’s turning into prolonged unhealthy avoidance, speak to your GP, MH worker or a friend.

If it’s someone you know, maybe reach out a hand of friendship? It may be that they are struggling (& hiding it) rather than being lazy.

From someone who spent several years sleeping 18 hours a day at a weekend, 10-12 hours on week nights, falling asleep at my desk at work and collapsing with exhaustion the moment I got home from work, I can assure you it's awful and not done through choice that regularly.

After a LOT of investigations with my dr, I discovered that my B12 was low - but not low enough to fall under range so we hadn't picked up on it. I luckily read an article a friend shared about it and when I read all about what could have been me, I trawled through my old blood test results to check! Fortunately I have an incredible dr and she agreed to give me some B12 injections. They changed my life. In fact - they SAVED my life. I learned a lot about it, the best frequency to have it, the cofactors etc (I was also anaemic and had exceptionally low vitamin D). I read about a lot of people experiencing nightmares of drs refusing to treat it correctly and how the frequency of injections on the NHS just wasn't enough to give you your life back. At the end of last year, I got some B12 from Germany and began injecting myself every other day. I saw my dr 3 weeks later and she was absolutely amazed at what she saw. She couldn't believe the difference this little vitamin made to me. I told her what I'd been doing and she was delighted. She agreed instantly to prescribe it for me to continue at that frequency and just asked me to make sure I monitored my folate levels (she was going to order the blood tests, but as I'd told her all the cofactors I needed and she agreed, she was happy to trust me to do everything I needed!). I saw her again last week and she's constantly amazed at how having been as ill as I was for so, so long that I'm suddenly a functioning adult again.

So if I see someone like the person you describe, I'd be tempted to ask them if they're ok and if there's anything they need. If they say they're exhausted, I'd ask if they'd ever got their B12 checked and recommend my dr to them as a good dr that knows/understands a lot about it (and a bit more now with the extra I've taught her she says!!).

It definitely sounds to me like someone who is unwell. As for the depression comments, low B12 causes horrific anxiety and depression. In 3 months on alternate day injections, I went from full on max dose antidepressants that I'd been on for 5 years to being down to just 10mg every other day.

I hope the person you are talking about is ok - and I'd urge them to get the following tested:

B12
Vitamin D
Folate
Ferritin
Thyroid
Calcium (because if D is low, you need to be careful when supplementing if this is high)

I would be more than happy to discuss this over PM with anyone that would like more information. The NHS tests/ranges are woefully inadequate and drs get paid to put patients on antidepressants apparently! Not all drs are like that - but they get so little training on vitamins and minerals it's hardly surprising they don't know enough to understand that an injection costing less than £1 could give people quality of life back.

I would think they needed to go to the dr and be prepared to keep going back, if necessary. (Unless there was an obvious reason, like having very noisy neighbors waking them up at night or they were just staying up all night, either for work or hobbies etc)

If they were going to bed at night and sleeping as well, it could be some kind of health complaint.

Someone sleeping so much could be a symptom of M.E., but there would be other symptoms, too, like general pain, feeling very hot or cold, feeling flu-ish, getting worse a day or so after exertion, mixing up words, short term memory problems, sore throats etc.
The poor research on and attitudes to M.E, has resulted in some doctors having a very odd view of 'fatigue' , and sometimes a very dismissive attitude, to tiredness type symptoms, especially in women.

If someone gets an M.E cfs diagnosis, they need to be very proactive about doing their own research on the subject, and being sure they fit the description. The forum 'phoenix rising', for example , would have information on it, or Tymes Trust for kids.

M.E is a really serious condition,but some drs don't see it as that, at all. There is a danger that if they once diagnose it, they stop looking for other things.
Which can be a real problem ,because sleeping a lot can be a symptom of other things.

When my daughter was in her early 20s , she came down with an aggressive cancer . (She's fine now, we were very lucky and it was caught in time, and she's more than 5 years symptom free, now.)

The first symptom she and any of us noticed was a lump- that's what she went to drs with, but I only realized after she'd been diagnosed, and II read about sudden unexplained tiredness being potentially a cancer symptom- that we remembered how much she'd being sleeping, before she got ill.

For a few months before she was diagnosed, she was sleeping more and more, we just didn't know- we thought it was things like being at work full time, after being a student. She wasn't depressed, she looked well. but -when we looked back, we remembered her saying, 'I lay down for a minute and then I woke up 2 hours later', or 'I just watched a dvd and I was asleep before 10' I wish I had realized it was something that should have been making me worry more, but it built up rather gradually and somehow , we didn't realize it was a problem

• and she was close enough to the teenage lie-ins age, it didn't seem particularly odd.

Hopefully, it isn't anything like this, in the case you mention-but I did want to write about this, because cancer detection in the uk is not good-it often takes quite a lot of visits , to get a referral-but it's a condition you need to be quick with, and it can make a big difference.(Particularly ,in the uk cancer detection , in young people isn't very good)

When you get to a hospital, with the right consultant, care is often very good, my daughter's was fantastic, and we were and are really grateful for it.
it can be, getting a gp to agree to refer you, where the delays happen. (as well as people not even knowing they should go to a dr, of courses, as well).

Basically, sleeping that much needs checking out, could be liver diabetes, depression M.E.or maybe iron deficiency or b12, etc.

Anyway sorry for writing such a long post, and I hope your sleepy person is ok :)