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Original poster

Fiancée asking for Prenuptial agreement

111 replies

Sistersis · 06/05/2019 17:32

Posting on here for traffic because I would like a range of viewpoints.

Fiancée is asking for a prenup. When we meet he had zero, both two young people getting started in life. His business ventures have really taken off and he's come to serious money. We previously discussed it before and he previously said he didn't want it.

But now he has changed his mind upon reading some article about some man being forced to hand over 40% of his monthly paycheck. His parents are also divorced. Mine are not.

I earn above average but nowhere near as him. I feel as though he's changed his mind because he's come in to money. He said he wants to make sure 'I'm protected'.

We are getting married abroad where its community split by law over there.

Should I sign? What would you do?

Have I been made a fool out of?

OP posts:
G5000 · 06/05/2019 18:36

Prenup does not necessarily mean 'what's mine is mine'. They are simply an instrument to agree what will happen in case it does not work out - and you can do that while you're still in a happy relationship. As PP suggested, if he wants you to to be a SAHM, you can agree that whatever he earns during those years will be 50-50 and he pays into your pension.

PetrichorRain · 06/05/2019 18:39

I absolutely wouldn’t give up work in this situation, OP.

outvoid · 06/05/2019 18:40

I wouldn’t personally wish to marry someone who thought so little of me he wanted me to sign a contract to basically say when our marriage ends, I won’t take half of his wealth.

It’s so cynical.

MsSquiz · 06/05/2019 18:43

I second what @cranstonmanor has written.

No solicitor working for you would encourage you to sign a pre nup that is all one sided.

They are working for you, as you both need to get something out of a pre nup and agree to it or you don't sign it.
If you were to agree to a pre nup that your solicitor was advising you against signing, your solicitor will also have you sign a disclaimer to say as much. So that at a later date, you can't say you were given bad advice or told to sign it

abcriskringle · 06/05/2019 18:45

No way would I sign a pre-nup AND quit my job. Tell him you'll sign but you will be continuing to work and childcare costs and housework will be split 50:50. He can't expect to have everything his own way and this seems the safest / fairest compromise to me.

HollowTalk · 06/05/2019 18:45

Can’t believe he wants to protect his finances but literally throw you to the wolves as far as your financial security is concerned. Don’t give up your income and pension contributions by being a SAHM for this selfish man.

Exactly this.

M00rhenRunning · 06/05/2019 18:45

It seems that he doesn't see you as an equal partner in this marriage
He sees you as a SAHM
You are worth more than a pre nup !
Why can't you earn your own money ?
What happens if there are no children ?
He is trying to control you, before you are even married !
Don't give up your independence or freedom !

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 18:45

He wants YOU to stop working to raise your children, and at the same time give away any financial protection you might need in the future. This prenup is to protect and benefit HIM. I would think long and hard about this relationship before marrying him. I'm seeing red flags all over the place.

Waveysnail · 06/05/2019 18:45

Depends what prenup says

AllFourOfThem · 06/05/2019 18:47

The issue isn’t with having a prenup or being a SAHM; it’s with the content. As long as the prenup is reasonable and takes into account any of your loss of earnings etc then it’s fine. Equally, will you have shared finances when married or separate? If joint, then being a SAHM will have no impact on your financial security assuming your prenup is reasonable (and by reasonable I mean it includes future dividends, pension etc).

Lazypuppy · 06/05/2019 18:58

I think prenups are good - each party keeps what they had going into marriage, then anything gained during marriage is split.

Its up to you surely if you become a SAHP? i would never do it, but its a very personal choice

Original poster
Sistersis · 06/05/2019 19:00

We plan on marrying abroad, European country and living in the UK as we do now. At some point, he does want to move abroad to continue expanding his business. With the move abroad, that would require me to stop working because my profession wouldn't immediately translate.

He's proposing to give me 20% of his income. Give tax avoidance schemes as his businesses are international this could well end up being peanuts. I don't want to find that if we have children, they're being taken away from me because I don't earn enough and courts deem me financially unable to look after them

OP posts:
Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 19:02

I wouldnt become a sahm without one.

Because the right one would protect me as well. Things like he pays as much into my pension as he does his own. It's all well good saying 'you would get some of his if you divorced', I would want my own pension that was equal to his.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 19:03

OP do you want to be a sahm?

IamWaggingBrenda · 06/05/2019 19:03

Get proper legal advice. Nothing wrong with a prenup, but you need to protect yourself as well.

Arusedmoose · 06/05/2019 19:04

Prenup is a good idea BUT DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB!!!!

ScrewyMcScrewup · 06/05/2019 19:04

I wouldn't marry any man who expected me to be a SAHM. It's often disastrous for women and it sounds like he's already planning how to get out of maintenance if you split. I think you have way bigger problems than a prenup and having children with this man would be a mistake.

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 19:05

We plan on marrying abroad, European country and living in the UK as we do now. At some point, he does want to move abroad to continue expanding his business. With the move abroad, that would require me to stop working because my profession wouldn't immediately translate.

NO, NO, NO! Don't just walk, RUN! I am part of an international couple. It is a HUGE sacrifice and your spouse needs to be 100% supportive and do whatever he/she can to protect you financially in such an instance. AND, there's another huge issue with this: if you do this and things go sour, you may either be stuck living there because the law prevents you from leaving with your kids back to the UK or you could potentially find yourself bounced out of the country with your kids still there depending on how things go with Brexit.

Everything's on his terms, isn't it? He wants the prenup, he wants to move abroad, he wants you to quit work, he wants you to uplift your life and move somewhere where you sacrifice even more financially.

20%!

What a fucking insult!

You don't live with him, this is good.

Because you need to bin him.

Original poster
Sistersis · 06/05/2019 19:05

What never keen on being SAHM have always worked and like working.

It's becoming clear that I have serious thinking and talking to do.

OP posts:
SavingSpaces2019 · 06/05/2019 19:06

If you have kids with him and live abroad, you won't have the right to bring them back to the Uk where your support system is should the relationship break down.

Then you'll be trapped in a foreign country, unable to work and have no access to money either.
Yes - you'll be up shit creek and may be forced to leave your kids with him if the only way you can get work is to come back to the UK.

Why are you allowing him so much control over your life anyway?
He's basically mapped out your future for you!

HomeMadeMadness · 06/05/2019 19:07

I don't think it's enough to say "I won't be a SAHM" either. Who will collect kids when they're sick? Or make sure they're home in time for after school club to finish? One partner does tend to take more of a career hit than the other. He might well decide he "can't" take time off so it'll all be left to you.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 19:08

You dont want to be a sahm

He expects you to be and you will be moving somewhere, where you cant continue working......so he will get his wish.......and you are worrying about a prenup?

I agree with pp. Disaster waiting to happen.

FannyWork · 06/05/2019 19:09

Do you live in the UK? Where you get married has zero to do with what divorce laws apply to you.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 06/05/2019 19:11

Pre nups don’t have to be detrimental to you. You can write into it that you want a % if his business, certain child maint if you have kids and maint for you if you do end up being a SAHP. You can write in what you want OP. He could find that what you propose is unreasonable, but then you can start properly negotiating. First seek legal advice

givemesteel · 06/05/2019 19:28

I would have serious alarm bells, as he is obviously thinking about this as a future arrangement not just to protect existing assets.

I can understand him wanting to protect what he earned before marriage but after that you are a team who build your future together and if you sacrifice your career to raise your kids then you enable him to continue to grow his business.

I would only be happy with an arrangement which is 50/50 on all future assets after you marry with maintainence that proportionately increases with every year you've left your career and a personal pension.

You need legal advice ASAP to work out what you need to protect yourself. If he is stingy or looks like he is trying to screw you over in these negotiations then I wouldn't go through with the marriage.

This guy may be rich but it's your life and you don't want to end up trapped in a foreign country and miserable because you can't afford to leave your marriage.

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