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Original poster

Fiancée asking for Prenuptial agreement

111 replies

Sistersis · 06/05/2019 17:32

Posting on here for traffic because I would like a range of viewpoints.

Fiancée is asking for a prenup. When we meet he had zero, both two young people getting started in life. His business ventures have really taken off and he's come to serious money. We previously discussed it before and he previously said he didn't want it.

But now he has changed his mind upon reading some article about some man being forced to hand over 40% of his monthly paycheck. His parents are also divorced. Mine are not.

I earn above average but nowhere near as him. I feel as though he's changed his mind because he's come in to money. He said he wants to make sure 'I'm protected'.

We are getting married abroad where its community split by law over there.

Should I sign? What would you do?

Have I been made a fool out of?

OP posts:
tanpestryfirescreen · 06/05/2019 18:09

Why would you marry someone that you haven't lived with?

MsSquiz · 06/05/2019 18:11

My DH and I have a pre nup as he came into our relationship with "family money" (millions) and I literally had nothing.

Our pre nup is states that there is certain money that we split, certain money of his that we don't split (but does go to any children we have) our house is in both names and split 50/50 (even though DH bought it outright)

Just 3 months prior to getting married, my DM died and my (minimal) inheritance is solely my money should we split and DH has agreed to have no claim to it.

I requested a clause for child maintenance even before I was pregnant (my DM was a single parent who got no help from my father) so I wanted that included.

The amount I would be entitled to on divorce is on a percentage scale, which increases every 5 years we are married. I was happy to agree to that as I feel in 20 years time I would "deserve" more than I would after 5 years.

If your DP is the one who wants a pre nup, he should also be the one to pay for your legal assistance, but you choose your solicitor.

When it came to actually going back and forward on the details, my DH found it much harder than I did - I was very matter of a fact about it, whereas he hated that we were talking about divorce before getting married. To me, it's a document I hope we never need, but i understand why he felt it necessary.

And while they are not legally binding in the UK, a judge would usually be happy to go with it in a straight forward divorce

MIA12 · 06/05/2019 18:11

Can’t believe he wants to protect his finances but literally throw you to the wolves as far as your financial security is concerned. Don’t give up your income and pension contributions by being a SAHM for this selfish man.

Nat6999 · 06/05/2019 18:11

I would make pre nups law, that way both parties know exactly where they stand financially should the marriage end.

MsSquiz · 06/05/2019 18:13

Oh, and on the SAHP things - I currently work from home as DH's PA and we have agreed that during maternity and from then on, my wage would continue as it is.
I do very few "hours" of work and get a decent wage so I was happy to go with this

bamboofibre · 06/05/2019 18:14

The maid, not the partner.

And the nanny, the housekeeper, the PA and the bedwarmer. All on tap for His Highness. I'd nope outta that.

HomeMadeMadness · 06/05/2019 18:14

I would think it was entirely reasonable of him to want to protect assets he had going in to the relationship - especially a family property or business which he might inherit or something that he would wish to ear mark for any existing kids he might have.

If on the other hand he expects to reap all the benefits of a stay at home spouse/parent while also ensuring that his financial rewards are not shared between you I would be running for the hills.

Nat6999 · 06/05/2019 18:15

Sorry caught post too soon. I wouldn't agree to be a SAHM, I would keep my hand in at my career to protect myself financially now & in the future, I would never rely on anyone to provide for me. Having been divorced it is too risky.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 18:16

So this is the bit that irks me slightly, he's expecting me to give up work etc and be SAHM.

Can you clarify this? Do you want to and he supports it?

Or do you not want to, but he is expecting it?

Honestly, that's a big issue to sort out.

Personally, I think that as you dont live together and share finances currently, Protecting his premarital assets is a good idea. Not what finances are brought in while married. However, dont become a sahm if you dont want to. If you do, you can have some protection added in for you around that issue.

Quartz2208 · 06/05/2019 18:17

prenup are designed to protect assets people have before they met not assets made together as in MsSquiz case

As far as I can see he has made those assets since meeting you - what does that say

That and the fact that he wants you to be a SAHM but have no rights to the money he makes that you are enabling him too

RussianSpamBot · 06/05/2019 18:17

He has no business both attempting to protect his assets and expecting you to sacrifice your ability to acquire any. It's one or the other.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 06/05/2019 18:18

Are you in the UK?

Your writing style leads to North American so it would be pointless having UK view points. If you are in the UK , a prenup isn't legally binding anyway.

Putthatlampshadeonyourhead · 06/05/2019 18:19

As far as I can see he has made those assets since meeting you - what does that say

However, they are not legally or financially tied either. Prenups are based around marriage. Not the length to the relationships before.

EL8888 · 06/05/2019 18:21

No. You have been with him while he has made his money. It's not in the spirit of marriage. Also if you have children then typically the women's has negative financial implications from this -maternity leave, reduced hours (if you choose) and less pension (if you reduce your hours). Ok just read he wants you to be a SAHM. That's convenient for him isn't it 🙄

theDudesmummy · 06/05/2019 18:21

I was basically pressured into signing a prenup when I got married (not in the UK) many years ago. When we divorced (in the UK) I was told the prenup had no legal weight whatsoever in this county. It wasn't even referred to in the divorce settlement...

bluebeck · 06/05/2019 18:22

Can you elaborate?

Are you just getting married in another country and then living in UK?

Or will you actually be marrying in and then living in this other country?

Which country is it?

BubblesBuddy · 06/05/2019 18:22

Prenups are an indication of what was intended by both parties in the event of divorce. They do not have to be followed by a judge but they can be guidance. If future husband became significantly wealthier or poorer or you had 8 DC, it might not be what’s fair upon divorce 20 years down the line. After one year and no DC, it could be very generous. Judges take all of this into account as well as prenups.

rodentattack · 06/05/2019 18:23

He wants a prenup to protect his assets but he expects you to give up work?! What a great way to demonstrate how little he values the contribution he expects you to make to the marriage.

Run.

Iris1654 · 06/05/2019 18:24

My DH Wanted a deed of trust ( more enforceable than a pre nup)
I said no, and would have walked away.

He’s built that business whilst with you. It should be equal.

Call his bluff, a marriage should be equal. Otherwise don’t get married.

I’d be very wary of being a SAHM with a man who thinks like this.( SAHM 12 years! Divorced and thankful I didn’t sign a deed or he would have tried to fuck me over even more.)

cranstonmanor · 06/05/2019 18:25

Prenups are not onesided. If he wants you to become a SA than you should add that during those years you are entitled to half of the money ans pension and mortgage etc. Don't just sign what he wants, add to it to make sure that it is fair. Get your oen advisor to help you.

cranstonmanor · 06/05/2019 18:26

SA=SAHM

Marchinupandownagain · 06/05/2019 18:26

What's all this "why would you marry someone you haven't lived with?"

Didn't live with DH before marriage nor did any of our dozen or so close friends. We are all still married 30+ years later.
Stats actually show that living together = less secure marriage, not more.

Dvg · 06/05/2019 18:28

I Would never accept a prenup, become a STAHM and then end up with nothing in the future ? No thank you

Yinderling · 06/05/2019 18:33

Interesting how different groups of friends work, I don't think anyone if my friends didn't live with their DHs before getting wed.

FFSFFSFFS · 06/05/2019 18:34

Well I imagine that he will be wanting to keep his business as an asset that he keeps.

BUT the only way that he will be able to continue to grow or even maintain that business if you have kids is because you do all the work. So then it is no longer something that he has made on his own.

So I'd say to him even if you want to protect your pre-marriage asset - it needs to be valued at this point in time and any growth after that I will have contributed.

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