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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish my husband wasn’t quite so nice!

76 replies

Sexnotgender · 06/05/2019 16:25

People knocked on our door asking for money to fix their bike.
DH said no but I’ll get my puncture repair kit.
They then ask him for food so I put together some non perishables. Breakfast cereal and soup etc.
Now he’s walking to Aldi with them to buy them groceries!
My big issue is he’s not taken his phone so he can’t contact me/help if he needs it.

I’m sure these people are lovely but it’s making me anxious!

OP posts:
cowcowsalsa · 06/05/2019 16:58

Okay

StickyBlisteredAnus · 06/05/2019 16:58

Has he ever seen the ocean?

missmouse101 · 06/05/2019 16:59

Absolutely ridiculous to put yourselves in that situation.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/05/2019 17:01

Fuck me, thread needs a plumber

😂🤣😂🤣

Sorry didn’t realise it mattered his profession really

🙄

really Hmm

DoneLikeAKipper · 06/05/2019 17:02

His reasoning is he hoped if I was in trouble some day someone would help me.

That has nothing to do with what happened today, a lame excuse for his behaviour. Unless you make a habit of going around to strangers’ houses asking for bike repair kits and a weekly shop?

skybluee · 06/05/2019 17:09

i think that's really kind.
can understand why it's scary though, as you don't know what their motives were - if they had other motives beside the bike needing to be fixed and being hungry.
did he manage to fix their bike? i think it's kind he bought them food in Aldi. anyway just my thoughts.

some people would've told them to FO and slammed the door. he didn't. he wanted to help. so yes i do think that should be praised because i think it's rare.

IncrediblySadToo · 06/05/2019 17:09

His reasoning is he hoped if I was in trouble some day someone would help me

Ah, misogyny, alive & kicking in the church, what a surprise.

🙄

Undies1990 · 06/05/2019 17:09

You are both being extremely naive and have opened yourselves up to future problems with randoms pitching up at your door.

Your husband is not being "nice" he is being taken for a mug

Please don't help these type of beggars again, it's far too risky

Tensixtysix · 06/05/2019 17:10

People? What people?

MissClareRemembers · 06/05/2019 17:12

So how much did he just spend on their shopping??!

Isthebigwomanhere · 06/05/2019 17:14

He does realise that they will now be regular visitors?

namk · 06/05/2019 17:15

It just makes me think "what a fucking idiot", not "what a nice man", sorry.

Maybe this is just a one off for you though - it sounds like it if you're posting in surprise?

My dad was a vicar and our childhood was littered by random events like this. I couldn't even guess at the number of people who were sent straight to our home by "helpful" parishioners! Some of them were really horrible and frightening. Some were repeat visitors who saw an easy target.

Our parents didn't let us stay at home on our own, or answer the door or the phone, ever.

One night a drunk man did something (that was never explained), but our regular babysitter left afterwards and never came back. I do think it affected all of us growing up a lot.

Still, all for the glory of Christ and entertaining angels in disguise 🙄🙄🙄

NurseButtercup · 06/05/2019 17:15

I think you said upthread that your husband is a vicar? Do you live in the vicarage/house provided by the church?

I understand that people coming to your home begging is a occupational hazard (my friends brother-in-law is a vicar). I wouldn't say your husband is foolish, but I understand why you felt a bit anxious in his brief absence.

HarrysOwl · 06/05/2019 17:21

His reasoning is he hoped if I was in trouble some day someone would help me.

So rather than help yourself because you're a perfectly capable woman, your DH thinks your first action if in trouble would be to go begging?

He's got faith but not in you.

StickyBlisteredAnus · 06/05/2019 17:30

Here here! Down with the empire!!!

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 06/05/2019 17:32

We do live in the manse yes. Occupational hazard I suppose.

OP posts:
IsYourGoogleBroken · 06/05/2019 17:36

Amazing. Someone makes a wistful comment to his partner and all of sudden is misogyny and sexist.

One would hope ANYONE would help SOMEONE in need - but this is MN isn't it, where no one would ever help anyone.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 06/05/2019 17:36

He sounds very lovely but, sadly, every time somebody rewards a con-artist, they become a bit more brazen and contemptuous of the people who are kind to them. And a big more entitled and pushy toward their next mark.

It would have been more responsible for him to direct them towards a food bank etc, rather than encourage their shenanigans.

TranquilityofSolitude · 06/05/2019 17:36

My DH isn't a vicar but would probably have done the same. Some people are just kind. Sometimes people take advantage but there are also genuine people in need. We go through a lot of hats and gloves in the winter because DH is always giving his to people living on the street. It's become a bit of a joke - he gets loads of spare hats and gloves for Christmas now because everyone knows he gives them away.

DoneLikeAKipper · 06/05/2019 17:40

where no one would ever help anyone.

That’s absolutely not the case, however when a complete stranger comes to your house asking for money then you should categorically say no. A vicar should have connections to help those in need, links to food banks or homeless help, but should never put his (or family’s) welfare at risk due to his personal beliefs. The universe doesn’t tally up good deeds, in real life people want to hurt you and use methods just like described in the op to do so. Friendly vicars and their wives are prime targets, this isn’t about having some humanity it’s about using a bit of common sense.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 06/05/2019 17:41

So rather than help yourself because you're a perfectly capable woman, your DH thinks your first action if in trouble would be to go begging?

Because no capable woman ever ends up in trouble and ends up relying on strangers? Cool...

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 06/05/2019 17:43

It would have been more responsible for him to direct them towards a food bank etc, rather than encourage their shenanigans.

He did also point them in the direction of the food bank.

OP posts:
AsleepAllDay · 06/05/2019 17:48

That is kind but goodness me, he needs some street smarts. They could have beat him up and left him at the side of the road

Weathermonger · 06/05/2019 17:53

I just think it is such a sad commentary regarding life today, that when a person goes out of his way to be kind to strangers, it is automatically assumed he may be mugged, robbed or worse.

BogglesGoggles · 06/05/2019 17:57

Give a man a fish comes to mind. Charity has been found to have harmful effects on recipients and needs to be administered very carefully. It’s good that he tries to act compassionately but just giving people stuff because they ask isn’t compassionate. If this happens regularly he needs to think of a better way to help people that will actually help them instead of encouraging dependence on charity.

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