DH put himself before DS

[CrunchyCrumpet]

Looking for some perspective here so I'm anticipating this could go either way!

DH started fasting today (Ramadan) and works nights, I'm not Muslim. DS0 woke at 4am and got back to sleep at 7am, I have to leave at 7.45am to get to nursery for 8am. DH works reduced hours in Ramadan (9-1am). I suggested that we let DS0 sleep and then DH takes him into nursery as he woke so early. DH refused to take him giving needing sleep and no water as the reason, so I ended up waking DS up and taking him into nursery. It's a 20 min journey there and back. AIBU to be annoyed? It's his choice to fast...I'm normally considerate but in this instance I don't see why he couldn't suck it up and then sleep when he got back.

Are you going to work too?

And you. He just wanted you to do the nursery run. Is he normally lazy?

Sorry that would have helped! Yes I work full time in the week.

In that case yes I would say he’s lazy, he’s only working half days!

I would repost this in spirituality topic under the heading Ramadan and family life or something similar. You might get more helpful replies but the whole point of Ramadan is that it is suppose to be hard.

The morning of the first day the discomfort is equivalent to skipping breakfast (but I appreciate the mental load of starting the month is at play) so he was being unreasonable to say no.

He should find ways to cope with family life while fasting because if this is the case a few hours into the month what’s it going to be like in a couple of weeks?

He is unreasonable

You have a nursery open on bank holiday monday?

heck, i fast every night, it's called sleeping

i thought the point of ramadan was to not make a fuss to everyone else. If you start asking everyone to make allowances for you so you dont have to do much, its hardly in the spirit of sacrifice

He doesn't have a choice to fast. He is a Muslim so it is required and looking after a child is not an exemption.

But you are t working today.

Muslim here. Ramadan is supposed to be difficult and challenging. Normal life should largely resume and to take the struggles with added patience.

The first few days of Ramadan are the hardest so I would give dh some grace but after this he should absolutely be putting others first. That’s the point! Self sacrifice, patience, earning additional rewards, curbing vices and prayer.

Remind him of this saying “I was reading up on how difficult Ramadan must be but it also said you need to support with family life and put others before yourself...”

I don't think I'd have taken him at all tbh if he didn't go back to sleep till 7am. Why couldn't you dh have him home for the day?

You have a nursery open on bank holiday monday?

I was just thinking that....

Some nurseries do open on bank holidays. The first nursery my son went to only closed for Xmas day and boxing day, them closed for near years day. Open all other days.
The nursery we moved too when we moved to a different town is closed every bank holiday and 2 weeks at Xmas. Just different but not unheard of.

Back to the OP. He can't skip out on normal family life because of fasting and I didn't think they were supposed to reduce their working hours because the point is to be difficult and to get through your normal routine whilst fasting.

@cdtaylornats

No one is questioning his fasting. But dropping a child off at nursery doesn't require him to break his fast so OP isn't asking him to use it as an exemption excuse. Not sure what the point of your post was...

People reduce work hours usually to focus on prayer and spiritual reasons so it is common for some to take the whole month off/part or just reducing the hours.
In this case he's just being lazy!
I'm not fasting this year due to pregnancy but DH is and will still be doing the morning and afternoon school run, then working after he breaks his fast throughout the night.
Yanbu. Remind him he should be trying to be as charitable as possible and any good deed done during Ramadan is magnified.

He has a choice to fast........ not really he's a Muslim. You sound very unsupportive and dismissive of his religious beliefs.

Are you working today?

He's being lazy.

A friend's DH fasts whilst working night shifts as a doctor. The only change to his family responsibilities is down to the lack of sleep.

@cabcab
Of course he has a choice. Don't be ridiculous. He's a person who chooses to be a Muslim who has the choice to fast. Neither of these are obligatory. If you moan that you're fasting then that's not in the spirit of Ramadan and I don't know any Muslim living here in England who's dropping work hours. Again not in the spirit of Ramadan. Where's the sacrifice there?

Where are these nurseries that open on bank holidays? Maybe I need to move. misses point of thread

@ourkidmolly if you're a Muslim fasting is not a choice. It is obligatory.
There are many Muslims here in the UK adjusting or dropping work hours and a majority of the time its to focus on spiritual and religious duties, not just because they can't be bothered. Unfortunately there's always an odd few who just become bone idle and miss the point of Ramadan, like the OPs DH.

@ourkidmolly I'm not ridiculous but thanks for your lovely comment. His religion dictates certain requirements, religion is not about pick and mix. Do the bits you like and not the others.

I agree that the only acceptable reason for a Muslim to drop working hours during Ramadan is for religious duties (many volunteer to cook at mosques for homeless people, or fulfil other zakaat related responsibilities). The fact that he’s using it to have a lie in is ridiculous. What’s the point of fasting if you’re basically just going to be lying around during it?