DH put himself before DS

[CrunchyCrumpet]

Looking for some perspective here so I'm anticipating this could go either way!

DH started fasting today (Ramadan) and works nights, I'm not Muslim. DS0 woke at 4am and got back to sleep at 7am, I have to leave at 7.45am to get to nursery for 8am. DH works reduced hours in Ramadan (9-1am). I suggested that we let DS0 sleep and then DH takes him into nursery as he woke so early. DH refused to take him giving needing sleep and no water as the reason, so I ended up waking DS up and taking him into nursery. It's a 20 min journey there and back. AIBU to be annoyed? It's his choice to fast...I'm normally considerate but in this instance I don't see why he couldn't suck it up and then sleep when he got back.

@ourkidmolly and OP chose to marry a Muslim, age also had a choice. I assume she knew what her DH had to abide by.

Going by the racket next door nurseries are open here. It's business as usual for the majority on bank holidays.

Either ways, he was being a lazy arse.

@cdtaylornats a lot of Muslims don’t fast. It’s not the middle ages. Nobody it’s going to care whether he fasts or not. It really is a choice.

OP I would just ignore him. For a lot of men Ramadan is the equivalent of man flu-a big overreaction.

Given that your DH presumably has until around 8 pm to sleep today, he's extremely unreasonable.

I'm not Muslim. But I have had Muslim men work for me, and although the first few days are hard, my understanding was that they effectively continued with normal life, Ive not seen anyone have to work reduced hours to half days only or stop being able to function basically.

I'm really not sure if that's the point of it, but others will be able to comment better.

its still a choice its religion not a law-and anyway would it have hurt him really to drop his child off

@vacanthellhome that’s not really a fair assumption to make. In my experience the majority of Muslims I know don’t fast in the same way most Christians I don’t dont give up meat for lent. Not all Muslims are super strict. If I were dating a Muslim it honestly wouldn’t cross my mind he was a faster unless he did something else to suggest extreme devotion. Fasting isn’t the norm amongst westernised Muslims.

It's is a choice. Loads of Muslims around here don't fast. I don't think some people actually understand what choice means.

If my dh finished work at 1am (even though it was a shorter shift than normal) I wouldn't wake him to do the nursery run.

@cabcab
And of course people pick and choose their bits of religion to follow. Religious can't even agree what the non-negotiables are! Vast majority of Catholics use contraception, loads of Jews eat non kosher, etc etc.

Light the Ramadan touchpaper and away we go!

As someone who has fasted many Ramadans and reduced my hours (not like his though)... he's being unhelpful. You aren't being unreasonable, he can do the drop off and go back to sleep after, even

My Muslim friends are doctors and work normal hours during Ramadan and still look after their children??

Night shifts are really difficult. I know many who find it much easier to sleep on than to get up and go back to sleep. If he refused to pick up child at nursery in the evening too I would say he is unreasonable he cant sleep during all the parenting time.

Following a religion doesn’t mean you get to opt out of being a parent. He sounds lazy and is using religion as an excuse.

It sounds like a one off night shifts are horrendous you feel like shit ALL the time . Add fasting on to this can see his point .

I'm having a good about people here saying that working less hours is usually for spiritual activities and so on... most people I know catch up on sleep or work the same hours

Lol. Nobody has to fast.

Of course you cant pick and choose what bits of your religion to follow and what to ignore, unless you are just paying the religion lip service and dont really believe.
All the Muslims I know are fasting and have made various work adjustments as well such as changing their hours slightly so they start/finish earlier or later.

you are not going to get rounded responses here op.

Her dh didn’t work nights. He hasn’t lost sleep. This is the first day of Ramadan and he had barely started the day. No sacrifice yet. Yanbu.

On another topic DS0. Do you mean he’s a baby? DS1 DS2 etc is used on here generally to refer to your first and second child in this case a son. So for example DS1 could be 3 and DS2 10 months etc.

DH started fasting today (Ramadan) and works nights,

I took this to mean he worked 9pm last night until 1am this morning (or perhaps full shift if first day of fasting is today)

DH works reduced hours in Ramadan (9-1am). H refused to take him giving needing sleep and no water as the reason

He works nights anyway. What would've he done if it wasn't Ramadan?

He's being unreasonable either way. The early morning breakfast should've been him preparing by drinking water and eating properly from 1 am until 3:40 am.

I'm a bit confused, to be honest.

Ignore the whole Ramadan thing.

Your husband worked 9pm til 1 am last night, getting home at what time? Presumably he didn't go straight to bed, but needed to unwind a bit first.

Then your baby woke up at about 4am, and was awake til 7. Who was awake with the baby? You or husband? Or both?

Frankly if he was awake til 2am and then from 4am til 7am then I can understand him wanting you to take your son to nursery.

Even if he wasn't I can sort of understand him thinking "just because I got home earlier than normal why should ds routine be changed just to make extra work for me? Why not carry on as normal?@

But it depends a lot on who was awake with the baby all early morning.

To be fair, the first day is always the hardest but that doesn't mean not doing things like this. Ramadan is more than just not eating though