Who is BU here, me or DP?

[Bluesheep8]

We both work full time. He earns considerably more than me but we see it that we both work hard to pay for our home and our lifestyle, both put the same effort in but are just paid different amounts iyswim, so the fact that I earn less is not the issue here. DP is also a natural saver and is really good with money. He also values our home and likes it to look nice. I often find though, that I have to cajole and persuade if I see something for the house. We have no garden furniture and there is a 20% discount at a local garden centre, meaning that the little bistro set I've had my eye on is £63. He says we shouldn't buy it and it will still be there in a few weeks (At full price) He also mentioned going out for drinks and a meal today, so I pointed out that that would end up costing around the same and that we should buy the bistro set instead and have drinks in the garden. He says we don't need it and repeats that we can get it later. Like I said, I regularly have to persuade/convince him to buy things...Who do you think is BU here?

If we weren’t struggling I’d buy that without consultation and tell dh what a bargain I’d got. I earn less than him (part time) and we would both see £64 on a meal as a waste, except for special occasions.
You shouldn’t need to ask I think - would you both use it?

OP I don’t work, my husband does. We have a joint account and I buy what I want, it would never occur to me to ask permission to buy something. If it was something expensive I might say that I was thinking of getting it as he does to me, but not anything under £500 or so. £63 isn’t a huge amount of money for some garden furniture, especially if he is saying he wants to go out for a meal and spend a similar amount.

Just buy yourself the bistro set.

They can’t be brassic if planning to spend that much on a meal out.

It sounds like "joint money" is just a label in your case.

It is still seen as HIS money isn't it?

I would just buy it - out of my own money if necessary. He sounds a bit odd.

If you want the bistro set and you can afford it then buy it!!

The lunch bill would come out of the joint account. I would say we are neither flush nor brassic but comfortable and able to save each month for bigger purchases/ongoing home improvements.

@Bluesheep8 stop asking permission instead sugget purchases to see what he thinks, that opens up his opportunity to discuss it with you.
'I'm planning on buying us this, do you like it?'
With my dp, he doesn't really mind what i buy for the house- i just check he wouldn't hate something.

I suspect the issue with buying this is not the cost but what it looks like. If he wanted it, there would be no reason to put off buying it. He's putting it off in the hope it will then never happen.

It follows that all those saying they would spend £63 without consultation are wrong, because buying something your spouse hates will affect them negatively for years.

Neither of you are being unreasonable, but you have different priorities/expectations on what money should be sent on.

I prefer to spend on experiences, so would be like your partner. My partner would be like you and want the furniture.

That said, if you're going to get it then it should be in the sale!

It would come from savings. We don't have any garden furniture. We are doing ongoing home improvements and he is prioritising those. When there is still work to be done on the house (approx 5k) he sees garden furniture as a bit of a frippery and something to be bought after the work on the house is done.

I wouldn't expect to consult- or be consulted - on a £63 purchase.

Does he consult you for similar spends?

I think hibu unless he wants a different set of garden furniture and this is your preference.

I would spend this for our home without "asking" and we have a similar arrangement with money. I wouldn't but something without showing it to him as it may not be to his taste but I wouldn't expect him to object based on the cost.

He may see garden furniture as “frippery” which is fair enough but it’s something you would like. Why should he get the last say on what you can or cannot have?

He is being unreasonable to make you wait a few weeks to buy it. Ask him why he wants to wait? If he is hoping it will be gone he should tell you he doesn't like it and you can look for something else together. If he is genuinely happy to buy it in a few weeks ask him if it is a tricky month for cash? Mot due or something. If not then tell him you are buying it.

Yes, he would consult me if he had seen something for the house.

If he accepts that it would be appropriate to buy this sometime, what on earth is his logic for buying it at a higher price? As you've pointed out, it's not as if he wants to save the £63 towards house improvements if he's planning to blow more or less the same amount on an evening out.

Those of us who would buy it without consultation are wrong? I’ve heard it all now.

My husband and I have a joint account and he earns more than me. For household items over £30 or £40 I would speak to and persuade or not persuade DH - but if there is something he wants to buy, he would ask me too and wouldn't just go and buy it. Does your DH go and buy things for the house without consulting you?

In this instance I'm with you.

You'd already identified a desire for garden furniture, done your research and now the one you want is on offer - snap it up. This is a considered purchase, not an impulse buy, so it is a genuine saving. It's also at the right time of year for maximum summer enjoyment.

Is it that he doesn't want garden furniture, or doesn't like this set?

I would consult DP from a taste perspective and would have mentioned in advance my desire for the furniture, so would already have tacit agreement there (more just checking in my case but that depends who cares about how things look in your house).

I'd see the meal out as 'throw away' money compared to the furniture, especially if it's a casual 'because we want to' one, not a planned meeting-up or occasion.

It does read a bit as if, as the high earner, he has discretion over treats - so it's up to him if you both eat out or not. Would you be as free to propose that?

I'm not really sure why that would relate to household items. To me that's a separate budget. But if both are just 'discretionary spending' and do actually affect each other (can't you do both?), then my vote would be for marking the start of summer in your own garden.

I'm going to annoy a lot of people here. But. Boracic lint = skint.

Would he discuss a 60 pound purchase from the joint account with you before deciding?

I think it's because the next lot of work due to be done is on the garden. He thinks that garden furniture is the icing in the cake after it's done and can't see why I'd want to sit in the garden before the work is done in a few weeks.

I would buy it out of my own money. On the next sunny day I would pour a glass of wine, put my feet up on the second chair and read the paper. I'd get an umbrella too.

Buy the garden furniture and really tasty lunch/wine stuff and sit in the garden instead of going out. Weather permitting of course.

gabriella yes he would