Nosey neighbour really taking the mick now?!

[Mumzilla94]

I became friends with my next door neighbour only about a month ago even though we have been living next door to each other for over a year now! We always said hello when we saw each other in the street, but up until a month ago have spoken a bit more. Our kids are around the same age and enjoy playing together so I guess thats nice my kids have made some new friends as well.
But I’m beginning to get a little cheesed off with her if I’m honest...
The 2nd week of us getting to know each other more she asked me if she could borrow £1 for some milk, I just said yes because I wanted to be kind, and £1 isn’t really breaking the bank.
Anyway, since then it’s been “can I borrow £5 to get some milk and bread? I’ll pay you back” I let her borrow £5 but haven’t seen it since! Again, she asks me £5 a few weeks later but I tell her I don’t have any money to lend. But now whenever my weekly food shop comes to be delivered she looks out the window and within half an hour of the delivery man leaving my house she will text me saying “can I borrow a toilet roll?” Or “do you have a bit of milk I can pinch?” I just find this really rude now. She also knocks on my door several times a day while I’m settling my 7 month old down for a nap just to fill me in on “gossip with her ex” I couldn’t give 2 bloody monkeys if I’m honest! I’ll just give her one word answers and then politely say I need to go (while the baby is screaming in my ear!) to put the baby down for a nap and as I shut the door she will say “ohhh and did I tell you...” oh my god it is really starting to annoy me and getting me really frustrated. Her children are also really rude and just walk in my house while I’m talking to her on the door step and go right up into DD’s room! And even if you tell them to get out they pretend they didn’t hear you and continue to trash her room.
Anyone else been in this situation with a really rude neighbour?!

I think she’s realised she can take an inch so she will continue to try for mile - just stay firm and tell her you can’t get her money/food/loo roll - if you’re feeling brave you can mention you lent her X amount recently and didn’t get it back and you aren’t able to lend anymore.
As for the knocking, just don’t answer - if she mentions she knocked you can say I was busy with the baby. If she does catch you and starts going on, just say you don’t have time to chat. Be polite but firm, eventually she’ll cop on - but whatever you do, don’t give her anything else.

You need t be straight with her

I’m fed up with lending you money and groceries, please don’t ask again

Im busy now, I’ll knock on your door later if i have time

And to her kids

In this house you have to ask before you come in, and it’s a no right now

If you don’t you'll have to spend your life pretending not to be in. State your boundaries.

Totally need to learn to say, “Can I stop you right there..” and put your hand up. Let her know she already owes you x amount and hasn’t paid you back, you only ever budget enough groceries for yourself and she should start doing so too. If it’s her kids, do the hand thing and say “Stop!” In a sharp voice. When they look at you, then say “don’t come in!” Don’t offer explanations. If you have to put chairs or a table across your entrance, do so.

In situations like this I really think you'll only solve it by being honest and blunt. It's very uncomfortable but better to feel awkward for a few minutes than have this hassle for God knows how long. "I'm sorry to say this Jane but I'm just not as familiar with people as you are. You're knocking on my door several times a day and asking for money and to be honest it's just too much, I don't even speak to my friends as often as that. You're a lovely neighbour though and I do hope you'll still say hello in passing. Take care." She'll find someone else to suck the life out of before long, people like that always do.

Just text it if you don't want to say it to her face. Job done.

You need to be frosty and standoffish - if she knocks on the door, either don't answer, or don't let her past the threshold and bluntly say that it's not a good time and that you don't like visitors as it unsettles your baby.

Block the doorway so her kids can't push their way in, or keep the door on the chain. If she asks for money or other items, either ignore if it's by text or if she comes knocking, just tell her firmly that you're not lending any more money or donating food or anything else. If she's that desperate, she can go to a food bank.

She sounds like a nightmare. Best to put a stop to it now.

If you ask for your £6 every time she turns up at the door, I suspect she'll get a lot less keen on calling on you.

Next time she drops in just say oh are you here to give me that fiver back coz I'm a bit stuck myself and if she asks you for cash just tell her you have none on you. That should stop her in her tracks.

She's totally a CF and taking advantage..grab the bull by the horns and nip it in the bud right now to avoid it getting even messier later.

I now don’t answer the phone, the front door and keep the gate locked as well. It’s like living in an experimental zombie research unit down here lately.

Ask her for a loan of money every time she arrives. If she says ‘sure you just had your shopping delivered’, tell her that you overspent and need money for gas/electric/school trip/birthday gift, etc.

Depending on how much you want her to actually stop this you could have some fun with it! Next time she comes over say your glad she popped over can she lend you xyz? Just talk over the top of her and don’t let’s her get a word in. When your done just great to see you, bye now. And close the door.

Oh op I have been in your exact shoes and it's horrible. I've had to distance myself ( as much as I can by living next door! ) and say no to absolutely every single request.

It started off by small things like an onion, a few slices of bread, toilet roll ( must be a theme ) and then it got to the point when she knocked one night to borrow my salt, I'd had enough of her and said no. And kept saying no. Whatever it was, however small, no. She has now got the message.

She used to call me constantly, message me, day and night and would love a bit of gossip regarding other neighbours.
An example of this was when an ambulance was in the street and she was literally excited and said she had been hiding behind the curtains in her dc's bedroom watching it all.
Toxic is the word I use to describe her. She has done so much more that I could write a book. One of the other neighbours said they think she doesn't want to put her hand in her pocket and pay for things when she can get them for free off the neighbours.

It took a while but she got the message. Good luck :)

I had a neighbour who used to send her whiny, snotty kids in to ask to "borrow" certain things like mayonnaise, or whatever, and we never got it back. I ended up drawing her a map to the closest supermarket (it was about 200 metres away, so not exactly a great hike) and gave that to the kid and told her to give it to her mother.

She is very cheeky.

I would do the same to her: knock on her door to ask for things like an apple, toiletpaper and money!

Make yourself as least interesting as possible to her. When she starts feeling the same pressure from you to her as she now puts on you, she will soon find herself a new ‘victim’.

Reminds me of a neighbour I once had who owned one saucepan. Borrowed one or two from me twice a week for months and was most put out on Christmas day when all my pans were in use and I couldn't loan one "But John's mum's here for dinner!".

What BornInGlasgow said. To her face or by text. Cheeky cah!

My DD is forever wanting to play with the kids next door, which is fine but I used to have to lock the front door when she was tiny because she would escape from the house and ring for them at any time. We also used to have fence with decorative holes that she’d use to accost them while they were doing things like eating a meal outdoors or getting ready to go out I got a new fence when I re-did the garden and have worked very hard on teaching DD about other people’s boundaries. Sounds like your neighbour might have missed out on a few lessons!

There's a pretty simple answer to one of these things - the children just walking in. Put a chain on your door and make sure it's on before you open it. Then they can't walk in.

So you now have her on the doorstep, kids wanting to come in, possibly she wants to come in or borrow something.
"I'm up to my eyes now, no time for visitors at the moment. Have you got the £6 you owe me please? No? OK, well see you later, I'll drop by for the money". Rinse and repeat in various formats, never saying sorry and never giving in and taking the chain off. Only invite her in if you want to. If you want to let the kids in start by saying "You can come in to play in the garden, I don't want you going upstairs". If they do you go up and tell them to go.

What I'm saying is that you need to get a backbone, in the nicest possible way.

Yup just keep asking for your money back every time you see her. You are skint and can't give her anything else. She will soon give up

Every time you see her say ‘have you got my £6?’ Before she says anything else and say no to requests.
When she knocks on the door, either don’t answer or say ‘bit busy to chat at the moment/not a good time/have you got my £6?’
She’ll get the message eventually.

This is why so many people steer clear of getting if friendly with neighbours. Sad but the cheeky fuckers spoil it.

Jesus, what a CF. No boundaries at all and she’s teaching her children rude cheekyfuckery too. I agree with everyone else - you’ll have to be blunt here. Subtlety doesn’t work on these people.

‘It doesn’t work for me to have you knocking several times a day. It disturbs our routine.’
‘I’ve still not had the other money I lent you back so, no, I won’t lend you more.’
‘I don’t have spare groceries to give to you, no.’
‘No, you can’t just come in. Can you come back downstairs and wait to be invited in next time.’

You get the idea. Absolute black and white, unapologetic. And if it persists, even blunter. ‘You are putting me in an awkward situation by constantly asking for money and groceries and turning up uninvited all the time. I don’t want to offend you but I will end up doing if I have to keep saying no.’

If you don’t, you’ll end up hiding in your own house.

This takes me back. We had neighbours who were initially friendly - she was the local queen bee. He then started calling round and asking to borrow orange juice, bread, eggs,milk etc. She started asking to "borrow" my dd's clothes for her own dd. I never got any of them back.

This all stopped when we had a disagreement with next door's boys, who were well known trouble causers, and she backed them telling my dh they hadn't been pelting our kids with stones. He asked how she could possibly know this when she wasn't there.

Entitled free loaders come from all walks of life; they both had professional jobs, she a headteacher (and control freak). They were always, always complaining they had no money yet we had a darn sight less.

I find it so depressing that there are people out there who if you are nice to them will simply take advantage of you.

Start asking for the money back. She will be hiding from you from then on.
But what a CF neighbour. She is like a pest.

I find it so depressing that there are people out there who if you are nice to them will simply take advantage of you

They're like parasites looking for someone weaker to leach on.