Nosey neighbour really taking the mick now?!

[Mumzilla94]

I became friends with my next door neighbour only about a month ago even though we have been living next door to each other for over a year now! We always said hello when we saw each other in the street, but up until a month ago have spoken a bit more. Our kids are around the same age and enjoy playing together so I guess thats nice my kids have made some new friends as well.
But I’m beginning to get a little cheesed off with her if I’m honest...
The 2nd week of us getting to know each other more she asked me if she could borrow £1 for some milk, I just said yes because I wanted to be kind, and £1 isn’t really breaking the bank.
Anyway, since then it’s been “can I borrow £5 to get some milk and bread? I’ll pay you back” I let her borrow £5 but haven’t seen it since! Again, she asks me £5 a few weeks later but I tell her I don’t have any money to lend. But now whenever my weekly food shop comes to be delivered she looks out the window and within half an hour of the delivery man leaving my house she will text me saying “can I borrow a toilet roll?” Or “do you have a bit of milk I can pinch?” I just find this really rude now. She also knocks on my door several times a day while I’m settling my 7 month old down for a nap just to fill me in on “gossip with her ex” I couldn’t give 2 bloody monkeys if I’m honest! I’ll just give her one word answers and then politely say I need to go (while the baby is screaming in my ear!) to put the baby down for a nap and as I shut the door she will say “ohhh and did I tell you...” oh my god it is really starting to annoy me and getting me really frustrated. Her children are also really rude and just walk in my house while I’m talking to her on the door step and go right up into DD’s room! And even if you tell them to get out they pretend they didn’t hear you and continue to trash her room.
Anyone else been in this situation with a really rude neighbour?!

Tell her no more borrowing until she paid back what she owes. With her children I think you have to just say "we're busy, you'll need to go home", and with her dramas just tell her you're not interested.

She'll soon get the message.

Do we all live next to the same person? My NDN comes round as sweet as pie, then starts asking to borrow-anything from a tea-bag (!) to a £10.00 for electricity. My husband s suffers seizures, and it got to the point where every time she came round she set him off. I wrote a polite not asking her not to come round, and got it back with abuse written all over it. Unfortunately her huff didn't last long. Now I just don't answer when she knocks.

Yes, ask for the money back and do it every time you see her. She will avoid you.

Also a few tart 'I can see why he is an X' comments will show her you have teeth.

The sad reality is that the world is full of people who are spiritually lazy and want to be looked after. They will look for situations and manipulate to get other people to look after them, and sadly you have one as a neighbour. They are not nice people and they have no integrity.

So:

Do not bother being nice. She is not nice, she's a manipulative parasite and you do not need the stress. Do not worry that you are going to hurt her feelings. You don't need this person to 'like' you.

"No'.
"I am starting to see why he left you"
"Where are you going?"
"Why are you here?" - to the kids

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

Be short blunt and strict OP, and you will be amazed how quickly she decides to move on.

"What do you want?"

short and blunt is a good one too.

Lots of good non verbal "I am not going to be assuming friendship here" messages in that phrase.

Wow the kids going upstairs would really piss me off! You shouldn't have to put up with this in your own home, stop being so polite and tell them to get out, and that they don't just walk in without being invited. And next time the mum asks for something, tell her your still waiting to be paid back from last time, and you can't afford to keep subbing her.

It is so intrusive, isn't it? I would always help anybody in an emergency but when it stops being that and is a perpetual habit, it's just so draining.

There are people who just have a) too much time on their hands, b) too nosey, c) no brakes or sensitivity to other people's needs. If they're also too thick-skinned to pick up the cues from you then there's nothing else to be done but be blunt.

We moved. That was blunt but it's not always possible to do that.

Some very good suggested comebacks on the thread.

I can't believe how common this is. It's beyond rude!

When I was a kid, I remember we had quite a few like this on our road. My mum would always oblige, but I remember being annoyed on her behalf. One was actually quite well off, but just couldn't be bothered to go to the shops. She'd just be in the middle of cooking, realise she didn't have x ingredients and pop over to ours like it was a bloody shop! They weren't even really friends.

Honestly, you're just going to have to continue what you're doing until she gets the message. Good luck!

I agree with others: start asking for the money back and tell her you can't afford to keep giving her your shopping, and you're keeping track of what she owes you from it, and now she owes you £X.

O I’m so glad you have just knocked I was just about to come round to yours have you got that money u owe me I’m just desperate!! we have just got an unexpected bill for the car that I have totally forgot to budget for and I just don’t have the money for it!! I really need to call in all my debts!! Then just smile and wait for the reaction!!

I am not as nice as everyone else is on this thread...I would say next time she comes...No Janice I do not have a loo roll.do I look like I have got mug tatooed on my forehead.?..and while we are at it you owe me xxx amount from before go and get it for me now ..off you pop love see you in 5 mins ....oh and I am having a really bad day here so take your kids with you they are doing my head in...I wouldnt be bothered if I never saw her again....I would write the money off but I would get rid of her and her kids too at the same time....this will go either of two ways....she will wise up and start to behave more respectfully or she will think you are the spawn of satan and leave you well alone....either will be acceptable to you so you win out in the end!!!

Love the suggestions everyone! I’ve always been an easy person for people to walk over because I’ve always found it difficult to say no to people (apart from my own children )
She really does sap the life from me though when she comes here and rants about her ex partner, I have better things to be thinking about than hear her waffle on!

Compassion says that she may be:

1. really short of money;
2. lonely and isolated (if her having an ex means she’s a SP)

However, neither of those is your responsibility to fix. You need to identify what you are, and are not, able and willing to do. In an ideal world neighbours and friends do support one another - but if it is always one way, you have every right to decide and then hold your boundaries.

bloody hell i wonder if you live next door to my old neighbour only she was using my wifi without me knowing and also asked me for my netflix code
cheeky bastard

@OnlyPostInEmergencies she is a single mother and receives benefits for her children but runs out of her money quickly because she is constantly giving in to her children’s temper tantrums and buying them the toys they want in town (I have been with her while this has happened!) I think she takes advantage because she knows DH works hard and must think we have more money than her, but we have bills to pay and children to pay for as well.

It doesn't matter if you offend her, so I'd call it like it is. Do you have loo roll? 'No, I'm not a shop and I budget for what I need'. 'Do you have cash? No, I'm still waiting for the £6 you owe me'.

'Sorry, I'm too busy to stand and chat'.

'No, it isn't convenient for your children to be here, I've just tidied up and don't want that all undone'.

@redzebra10 oh that is something actually that when we first moved in her partner at the time asked DH if he could have our WiFi password! DH works in tech and no way was he going to give them that, he didn’t trust them to not look at dodgy things on the net!

OP I feel your pain...😩

I had one!
She would ask me to borrow;

Nappies(!) (then)
Baby wipes!
Then formula milk! (WTAF ) total different formula to what her baby was on too!
Then the typical; milk, sugar , teabags this woman had 4 kids I knew she got tax credits etc but honestly the only time it stopped was when I said 'NO' and kept saying 'NO'!
Oh and you will never see your money again too as I never did!
Good luck

I agree with @onlypostinemergencies, however, before I left my abusive x (and financial abuse was one of the most effective arrows in his quiver) I never let anybody know I was picking up ten pences off the ground if I saw them, to buy milk and bread. We got a shop once a week but then if we ran out of milk and bread, I had to buy them out of 'my' money which I was trying to save (to get away). I never wanted anybody to know I was being financially abused. Not saying that's the right call either. But onlypostinemergencies is right. It's not your responsibility and giving her little bread and milk bridging loans won't change anything that she needs to change.

Argh, this is scarily similar to a situation a friend of mine is in at the moment!
She will continue to take the piss, completely, and may get worse.

Do NOT lend her anything ever again. Ask her for the money back, tell her that you really need it as you are short yourself.

And fgs stop her kids coming round to your house AT ALL if they're just learning her appallingly entitled behaviour.

You have to do the best you can to cut ties with her - you might end up having to move!! (Honestly - my friend is seriously considering it)

IhavetoD0something,

You need to be firm with people like this - she's no great loss if she gets fed up with you not giving in to her - be firm and don't back down and she will eventually get the message

As soon as she asks for money you can immediately say 'Oh! I'm stony - was going to ask you for the £10... (whatever amount) you've borrowed from me cos I'm desperate!

Chain on door as regmover says is an excellent idea - no kids running amok in your house.

Supermarket delivery: you didn't order any insert item as appropriate so haven't got any spare loo roll.. milk... tin of beans... whatever

Talking smack about the ex or other people ... fake expression of pity for her and tell her how sad it makes you feel that she's stuck in such a negative and depressive mindset.

Say it really can't be good for her to be obsessing about him and suggest some healing crystals or counselling or psychiatric help for this debilitating condition.

Make sure she goes back empty handed and you are not her personal lucky bag or Pay Day handout!

Oh and don't forget your own tales of woe when Mrs Grabbyswagbag turns up on the doorstep

DH hours cut, no overtime, his tax had been miscalculated and he'd underpaid and is now paying an extra £100 a month to catch up

Car repairs, new battery, exhaust, clutch, MOT repairs, insurance just gone up...

House insurance just gone up...

Vacuum cleaner/washing machine/ tumble dryer... all needing repairing or replacing....

Loans to payback

It's left you in dire straits

Go for it - she's a user and exploiting your good nature.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me! It's your call and time to draw a line under her grabby behaviour.

"We seem to have got our wires crossed. I like having good relations with neighbours but I don't make friends with them in order to become someone for them to lean on for money, groceries or anything like that. We're neighbours, not family, and I like to keep those lines clear. Same goes for kids that visit my kids. I'm happy for them to visit as long as they remember and respect that this is my home, and my rules. Plese explain that to yours before they come here again, and be strict with them about it, because if you're not I will be and they won't be welcome anymore. I realise you might think I'm being a bit up myself and you're entitled to your opinion, but this is how I am so you're welcome to take it or leave it. Oh, and by the way, I'm still waiting for that fiver I lent you."

People like this are a nightmare!! As PP have said keep asking for your stuff back every time she comes to your door!! Don't engage and keep door only open a crack so her children don't get in