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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smoking while pregnant

70 replies

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:01

Please inform me if I AIBU? A lady I know is “worried” as she’s been bleeding during her first trimester however she is happy to smoke serval cigarettes a day! I feel annoyed as I had a threaded miscarriage when I was pregnant with my first child and was devastated. Luckily my child survived and I ate well and looked after myself. I’m so grateful, I didn’t smoke or drink but she doesn’t appear to be worried and smokes non stop.

OP posts:
EL8888 · 05/05/2019 18:03

YANBU she’s ridiculous lm afraid 🙄

Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:06

Thank you EL8888. When I addressed her, her answer was well I smoked through my last three pregnancy’s 😥

OP posts:
EL8888 · 05/05/2019 18:09

She gets better and better!!! The fact she has done this 3 times before doesn’t help my opinion of her. Is it really that bad to stop smoking / alcohol / illicit drugs while pregnant. I’m sure there is smoking cessation assistance in her area

Celebelly · 05/05/2019 18:12

I think it's disgusting personally, but prepare for the influx of 'it's an addiction' posters.

Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:16

I guess I feel stupid as she works with me and couldn’t do certain tasks because she was so worried. I supported her as I completely understood until, I see her smoking and her answer to my questioning. I know it’s silly but I’m so upset. I know I need to get over it but I’m struggling.

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 05/05/2019 18:18

She's not called Charlotte is she?

I'd avoid her. People like that don't listen but presumably she'll be looking for support and sympathy.

small2018 · 05/05/2019 18:20

She's a knob.

Passthecherrycoke · 05/05/2019 18:21

I don’t think it’s any of your business really. The bleeding won’t be caused by smoking.

Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:24

@Passthecherrycoke the bleeding might not be caused by the heavy smoking but I bet it doesn’t help. Might not be my business either but when I’m doing extra work to help I feel it is my business.

OP posts:
Cherylshaw · 05/05/2019 18:25

None of your business to be honest, she's not carrying your baby.

IsYourGoogleBroken · 05/05/2019 18:25

Smoking wont cause her to bleed.

If she worried tell her to see her midwife or go to A&E

Shootingstar1115 · 05/05/2019 18:26

Smoking in Pregancy is vile. I am a non smoker so I’ve never had to beat the addiction but I’ve heard expectant mothers use the excuse that the stress of giving up is bad for the baby. Ok giving up is stressful. But why now cut down gradually? Yet I know other people who smoked but give up as soon as they found out their pregnant.

My mother has four children. Smoked through us all. Fortunately myself and my brother were fine. But my sisters were born tiny at full term (4lb and 5oz around due dates). My mum knows it was probably caused my smoking and she deeply regrets it now.

I remember when I had my eldest, I was 19 and had never smoked but I was disgusted by the amount of mothers having a fag outside the maternity unit doors. Cringe.

Doesn’t get much better. I see mums and dads smoking whilst pushing their children in strolers or out in the car, in the house etc.

hidinginthenightgarden · 05/05/2019 18:26

As the parent of a child who suffers because of being exposed to smoke during pregnancy, I found it disgusting that people would do this to their child.
Fair enough, their choice - but the baby doesn't get a choice!
I have lay awake many times whilst my child struggled to breath because of the actions of a selfish individual.

Passthecherrycoke · 05/05/2019 18:27

Several a day isn’t heavy smoking, it actually sounds quite light. The fewer the better obviously, if you aren’t giving up. Stop doing the extra tasks! I’m sure she’d Rather go without help than put up with the judgyness that comes with it

IsYourGoogleBroken · 05/05/2019 18:28

the bleeding might not be caused by the heavy smoking but I bet it doesn’t help. You aren't a qualified medic, so leave off with the pseudo advice. Stopping smoking wont make her stop bleeding.

Not your circus, not your monkey.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 05/05/2019 18:29

Will you feel better if you don't help her, OP? It really isn't your business. Either help her or don't - but posting for a load of judgy responses to accord with yours won't get her to stop smoking and nor will it protect or damage the baby.

Why would it even occur to you to make a thread about this woman? I don't understand that mentality one bit.

Women lose babies all the time, whether they smoke, drink or do none of that and just eat lettuce. It's almost as if you're waiting to say, "told you so". Urgh.

Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:33

Wow maybe I am being super sensitive. However I’m sure as hell I will stop doing the extra work because she’s so worried about losing the baby. When I say several I’m being polite.

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 05/05/2019 18:35

You probably shouldn’t be doing tasks she doesn’t want to because she’s “worried” your employer needs to do a proper risk assessment of those tasks

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 05/05/2019 18:37

I'd stop doing the extra tasks and distance myself, I couldn't support a smoker or drinker through pregnancy. It's only nine months to go without for the sake of a baby who has no choice.

Cornettoninja · 05/05/2019 18:49

So she’s your colleague? Quite honestly it’s not your place to say or do anything. This isn’t someone you have a personal connection with and are paid to be in the company of without choice.

I don’t smoke any more but there is a very strong link between any addiction and self medicating mental health issues, it sounds like she may be in a fairly complex place. It may be distasteful to you but bitching behind her back is also distasteful especially since it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. Your stance is commendable but you need to learn to stand back from making it personal in s workplace.

Only do extra tasks at work that have been formally identified as ones to pick up. You don’t have any choice in that since pregnancy is a legally protected characteristic and if the company assess that she shouldn’t be doing something then that becomes part of what you’re being paid for.

Dvg · 05/05/2019 18:54

I've walked in front of a moving car before.. doesn't mean i would do it again just because i survived that once.

I hate people with that mentality, You could survive falling 50 feet but doesn't mean you wouldn't get hurt or die the second time round.

Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:56

I guess it’s non of my business.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 05/05/2019 18:58

I think I’ll just avoid her and the extra work excepted.

OP posts:
AgentCooper · 05/05/2019 19:02

Tbh I suppose it is none of your business but I would find it similarly hard to watch.

As far as smoking causing bleeding goes, I know this much. I had cervical erosion (basically just a tender cervix that bleeds easily, often after sex, thought to be connected to excess oestrogen) and was told that smoking (I was a smoker) would irritate it. And it did, if I smoked more I bled more. When I stopped smoking the erosion cleared up and didn’t come back until I was pregnant and needed several early scans to check on the bleeding.

Absolutepowercorrupts · 05/05/2019 19:02

I'll inform you that by addressing her you're coming across as a very judgemental interfering busybody.
She certainly is very unreasonable to smoke during pregnancy and the fact that she's smoked in previous pregnancies doesn't make it ok.