Smoking while pregnant

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

Please inform me if I AIBU? A lady I know is “worried” as she’s been bleeding during her first trimester however she is happy to smoke serval cigarettes a day! I feel annoyed as I had a threaded miscarriage when I was pregnant with my first child and was devastated. Luckily my child survived and I ate well and looked after myself. I’m so grateful, I didn’t smoke or drink but she doesn’t appear to be worried and smokes non stop.

It might be none of your business. But it would massively irritate me if I was around someone shitting on about how worried they were about their baby while doing something to actively harm it.

If it were me and she was directly having a conversation with me and said she was worried about her baby I would say "maybe you should stop smoking then, i personally think its disgusting you're smoking whilst pregnant" and then be happy when she decided never to talk to me again BUT if she isn't directly talking to you about it just keep out of it but ignore her.

I’m with you op, I would judge too.
I don’t give a shiny shit if that makes me ‘judgy’.
It’s disgusting to inflict that on an unborn child who doesn’t have the choice.

I'm pregnant and haven't 'bonded' with the foetus. It still all feels a bit like a dream. Doesn't mean I didn't quit my ecig and drinking. You don't have to have an emotional bond to use your brain

But simplistic there prequelle

bit simplistic even

Its disgusting and is tantamount to abuse.

Your comment was to, suggest that people smoke because they haven't bonded with the foetus when a LOT of women don't feel a bond before birth

I would judge too, it's her body her choice but I would still judge. Stay out of it unless you are asked something, pretty much what everyone else said.
At my old work a pregnant girl asked me for a cigarette and I said no, I don't think you should be smoking. She hadnt changed her smoking habits at all. I'll be honest it made me doubt her ability to be a parent

I disagree. If you hate being pregnant, feel invaded, feel violated, if you’ve had a bad pregnancy and feel resentful- these are all reasons I can understand people smoking for. Just because you can’t doesn't mean it’s not a valid explanation .

@Famalamaringwrong she has come in crying several times and rightly so has had time off. When she has been in I’ve been asked to take on most of her workload. I’ve tried to be supportive and have listened. I guess I stupidly got upset and posted when I saw her keep going out for cigarettes. She openly admitted that she smoked throughout her four other pregnancies too.

Without being too outing, I worked for an organisation which provides medical care and housing to homeless/vulnerable people and during one of our training sessions we were informed (by trained medical professionals) that is is now advised that if you are heavily addicted to smoking before pregnancy it can actually be more dangerous to go cold turkey (the withdrawals are really difficult for the body - withdrawing from nicotine is apparently as physically difficult for the body as withdrawing from heroin) and so in same cases it's actually better for the baby to keep smoking (although not heavily)

This is really not the case. If the person cannot quit using nicotine, they should be advised to take it in a cleaner form, so patches gum or an e-cigarette. That way they are having the nicotine but not the tar or carbon monoxide. Taking nicotine in pregnancy is not risk free, but if the alternative is continuing with smoking, these lower risk methods will be better. No current health professional should be advising anyone to keep smoking tobacco cigarettes in pregnancy.

smokefreeaction.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/eCigSIP.pdf

If you hate being pregnant, feel invaded, feel violated, if you’ve had a bad pregnancy and feel resentful- these are all reasons I can understand people smoking for. Just because you can’t doesn't mean it’s not a valid explanation

Not really the same as simply not bonding with a foetus though is it.

Ment to say last three pregnancies not four*

This thread is awful actually. Women justify their drinking of alcohol when pregnant because they want to, it's only a 'little bit'. Some women who do that feel entitled to slate a woman who smokes when pregnant.

I would do neither of those things because if something were to happen with the pregnancy I wouldn't want to be doing the 'if only I hadn't' thing.

Women have the right to abort their babies because a woman's body is her own and it's her choice. I imagine that in reality, that just means that a woman can choose IF it accords with what other women around her think/would do themselves.

None of the judging is ever going to stop somebody smoking/drinking. If they weren't going to stop doing that themselves, why would they do it because you say so?

@goldenchicken

I agree with you 100% that smoking during pregnancy is bad, don’t get me wrong!
As I wrote, I didnt touch even 1 cigarette since I am pregnant and I haven’t either in the months before.

I quit smoking because it was terrible for MY health, so imagine being pregnant and a smoker, that would give me double the motivation to quit!

But I also know how incredribly hard it is to quit.
Honestly speaking, I was a monster during the first weeks, I was SO short tempered, crying over nothing, excessive worrying etc. Combine that with the anxiety during the first weeks/months of pregnancy that also many women, including me, have experienced and then you get a very stressful mix. So as much as I agree with you, I can imagine this advice has been given.
And one of the friends who told me this is one of the most honest people I ever met. I don’t believe she lied.

Still, I would encourage anyone, pregnant or not, to quit if they can.

Smoking while pregnant is vile. Smoking anywhere near children is vile. She doesn’t deserve to have kids.

Might as well have had an abortion. If you can't get it right for your child while they're still forming in your womb, then you never will.

Oh there are LOTS of people who shouldn't have children. Many of them wouldn't realise that they themselves are in that group. Such is life.

I'll preface this with saying smoking at any time is bad and especially when pregnant, however things are not always so black and white as so many seem to make out on this thread.
Whilst I don't think your friend falls into this category of woman from what you have said, there are some women who have so many things going on in their lives that, without condoning it in any way, on balance the odd cigarette is the least of their problems.

As I said, I don't condone smoking at any time but without knowing the woman's full story people should not be so quick to judge.