Smoking while pregnant

[Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse]

Please inform me if I AIBU? A lady I know is “worried” as she’s been bleeding during her first trimester however she is happy to smoke serval cigarettes a day! I feel annoyed as I had a threaded miscarriage when I was pregnant with my first child and was devastated. Luckily my child survived and I ate well and looked after myself. I’m so grateful, I didn’t smoke or drink but she doesn’t appear to be worried and smokes non stop.

Smoking in pregnancy is awful, it really is. I saw a woman standing with her newborn in the smoking shelter outside of the hospital last year when I was pregnant with DS and it made me sick.

It doesn’t cause most miscarriages though. The majority of miscarriages are just a random and spontaneous thing that couldn’t be helped. Her bleeding is unlikely to be linked to smoking.

Putting aside the tone of your post, do you have a good rapport with her OP? Could you gently ask about the smoking somehow? I'm not medically trained but there could be some link with the bleeding, maybe. Not likely I would guess but rather than posting judgy stuff on Mumsnet you could approach her in a sensitive way and say that you're not judging (!), but could she get some support with it to make sure the baby has the best possible chance? I know smoking is a bad thing to do in pregnancy, but sometimes people make compromises because that's the best they can do. Historically it would have been a very normal thing and not just because of ignorance, I think pressures and expectations were just different and people were less protective of children. Not saying that as a positive or a negative but the harsh comments on here sound very 'middle class bubble' to me. There are lots of people who just aren't in the right mindset to make the best possible choices, some of those people are pregnant but that doesn't make them terrible human beings. Realistically it's nothing to do with you, and you probably can't change what she does but you're much more likely to do so by being a friend.

I agree with most of your post, cellibabies apart from the 'middle class bubble' bit. Most people have the wit to realise that nicotine is an addiction and that some people struggle to give it up, even when pregnant. I think being impotently judgemental transcends every class, it is though an inherently irksome thing to keep reading but I suppose, some people only get an audience on a forum.

Suggesting that a woman is actively uncaring because they are smoking when pregnant isn't nice, definitely the whiff of the tricoteuse about it. It's always women too.

my SIL had several miscarriages over the years with babies surviving past birth. she smoked throughout every pregnancy. also was seen with bottles of fruit cider at family events as "a bit wont hurt the baby". when asked about quitting smoking she repeated to everyone that her dr told her the stress of quitting would be more harmful to the baby than just smoking

*NO babies survivng past birth

Macandcheese a fruit cider won't harm a baby. My mid wife sister had wine ( maybe couple of glasses a week) and home birthed her very healthy 12lb child. I think she'd know medically..... very judgemental of you about the cider.

Your sil sounds like she has issues far more serious than smoking, mac

I was a smoker before falling pregnant. I can't lie, I did continue to smoke for about a month after the positive test, mainly because I was in complete denial about having a baby. After the first scan though, I got my act together and quit practically overnight. I had 2 cigarettes after that for the last 5 months or so of the pregnancy, which were both when I was incredibly upset after having some bad news. Not an excuse, but they helped to calm me down a lot.

So I'm a hypocrite, but I do think its wrong to smoke in pregnancy, and if she's worried about bleeding she needs to speak to her midwife, as well as cut out the fags.

bumper1969
Macandcheese a fruit cider won't harm a baby. My mid wife sister had wine ( maybe couple of glasses a week) and home birthed her very healthy 12lb child. I think she'd know medically..... very judgemental of you about the cider.

Sorry but you are wrong. Alcohol can cause harm macandcheese does not say how many fruit ciders her sil had while pregnant but it's best to avoid and the tone suggests it was more than one at a wedding.

It's absolutely dreadful that your colleague is doing this. Sadly there's nothing you can do.

I'm with you, OP. Smoking is despicable throughout pregnancy. The difference in the 'feel' of the placentas post-delivery is staggering.

Sorry I mean the difference between someone who smokes and someone who doesn't.

Jane I disagree. Ate you a midwife? A doctor? As Mac didn't qualify the amount of cider we don't know. I would never judge a pregnant woman with a drink in her hand because medically trained people I know have had drink while pregnant. It's the amount not the one drink. Maybe she was having the one drink if her pregnancy?

I agree op. I judge the hell out of them and don’t care one jot that I do!

I quit smoking when I got pregnant, twice. However, it was really really hard. I read a few times now (I’ve not looked at studies to substantiate the claims yet though) that nicotine is more addictive than heroin. So I wouldn’t judge (But I’m not the judgemental type anyway tbh).

Yes smoking and bleeding won't be linked. Without being too outing, I worked for an organisation which provides medical care and housing to homeless/vulnerable people and during one of our training sessions we were informed (by trained medical professionals) that is is now advised that if you are heavily addicted to smoking before pregnancy it can actually be more dangerous to go cold turkey (the withdrawals are really difficult for the body - withdrawing from nicotine is apparently as physically difficult for the body as withdrawing from heroin) and so in same cases it's actually better for the baby to keep smoking (although not heavily). Is there a chance she was advised this by her doctor? I know of two other people who have been told this separately to my being informed of it so thought in some cases (with very heavy smokers) it might be common advise now?

I also feel very uncomfortable with the implication that a woman who is unable to break an addiction doesn't have the right to be worried about her unborn baby.

I quit smoking long before I was pregnant and as tempting as it can be to light up a cigarette during stressful times, I never touched one during the past months.

BUT

A few of my friends have smoked during pregnancy with the ‘permission’ of their midwives. No more then 5 a day and they were told that yes the cigarettes are bad, but the stress that comes from the withdrawl effects after quitting is much worse for the fetus.

Since knowing this, I don’t judge women who ate smoking during pregnancy much less.

@Honeybee85

A few of my friends have smoked during pregnancy with the ‘permission’ of their midwives. No more then 5 a day and they were told that yes the cigarettes are bad, but the stress that comes from the withdrawal effects after quitting is much worse for the fetus

These midwives who (allegedly) gave this 'permission' for the pregnant women to smoke, should be struck off. Because that is a load of utter bollocks that giving up smoking is more harmful to the baby than carrying on smoking. It's a myth that was consigned to the history books many decades ago.

Several days ago someone posted a similar thread that was deleted by mumsnet for being a previously banned poster, but they put a few links to websites that show what a massively detrimental effect smoking whilst pregnant has on the unborn baby.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3576045-2-puffs-daily-on-cigarette-while-pregnant?noti=1#86778252

Many interesting facts in there about the harmful effects you inflict on your unborn baby by smoking whilst pregnant. Best to read them, and not listen to the bullshit that is peddled about how it's better for the baby for the mother to not quit smoking.

I despair for humanity when I read stuff like this, and to read it came out of the mouths of midwives! Words fail me!! Unless your 'friends' were making it up, which I think is more likely. (I bloody hope so anyway!)

I struggle to fathom how any intelligent adult in the 21st century thinks a woman smoking when she is pregnant is OK.

It's really not! If you value the health and welfare of your unborn baby, FFS quit smoking before you even TRY to conceive (or as soon as you know you're pregnant if you didn't plan it!) But for the love of God, stop !!!

I am absolutely sick to death of people claiming 'the stress is more harmful for the baby'. Absolute bollocks and something I hear people claim when they come into our EPAU and I'm like no, that's not true.

What infuriates me is seeing the women on the labour ward coming out for cigs together. They're so pregnant they cant make it off the premises (where it is legal to smoke) instead they sit at the front and make everyone walk through their smoke. Including other pregnant women. I despise it.

I’m not sure what’s wrong in judging somebody who does something that is medically proven to harm both you and baby. Smoking causes a whole host of pregnancy concerns and many of which, bleeding can be a symptom of that risk materialising.

All that tar filled blood going straight into the placenta that’s feeding baby, it’s not ok.

She needs help to quit, and clearly needs to understand that bleeding whilst pregnant is serious enough to get to the hospital, not casually chat to your colleague about it.

Smoking won't directly cause bleeding. But it may be causing the pregnancy to fail or to be threatened, which will cause the bleeding.

We are still very societally complicit with smoking - partly because, not that long ago, the majority of people did it and people don't like thinking badly of people they love and respect - and the continued circulation of the 'stress of quitting worse for baby' nonsense is part of this.

I think it's 30% of SIDS deaths that are linked to smoking in pregnancy (with another 30% linked to parents smoking post-partum). It's complete and utter Russian roulette. Just because it hasn't gone horribly wrong for this woman (via SIDS or in another way) before, doesn't mean it won't this time, and doesn't mean it doesn't for thousands of other women.

You know it's unhealthy, I know it's unhealthy, she probably knows it's unhealthy, but it really isn't any of your business tbh and to post on here and know that the majority of people are going to agree with you, makes me think that you are on some superior power trip which says more about you than about her.

I'm sorry, but smoking or not and miscarrying, is an awful experience all the same. Get off your high horse OP and either ignore her or help her. But don't come on here and bash her to get some self satisfaction from people agreeing with you.

@NoMoreRoomOnTheBroom actually most people have highlighted it’s none of my business and to stop judging. I appreciate all the feedback and will just distance myself.

I think people who smoke in pregnancy are disgusting. And this is coming from someone who is partial to a cigarette. I've quit smoking for both of my pregnancies, I just don't understand people who can smoke when they're pregnant, I really don't. You'd think the bleeding would worry her enough and give her the kick up the arse she needs to ditch the fags whilst pregnant

I can understand smoking when pregnant. 9 months is a long time to give up your body to someone else. I’m a non smoker but I’ve not had any connection with my baby until it’s been born. Not everyone bonds with a foetus.

One woman I know how smoked a little during pregnancy had serious mental heath issues and has tried to get an abortion at 25 weeks. She was nearly sectioned in fact. She didn’t care abut the unborn baby, she was nowhere near capable of that kind of feeling