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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu Husband Took leftovers without asking

89 replies

JonSnowsFurCoat · 05/05/2019 13:28

Prepared to be told iabu as I’ve recently been diagnosed with a medical condition. It’s not life limiting but is something I will have to mange carefully for the rest of my life so I may be overreacting.

I have 4 dc (incl twins, all under the age of 7yrs). I’m a sahm for now.

Dh is massively overweight. Doctor has told him he needs to lose it, it’s already affecting his health quite badly and he is on several different medications. He also suffers from gout with flare ups every few months. I know he struggles with food so I told him we would diet together and we have been doing a low carb/high protein diet. He’s doing well and has lost some weight, as have I.

The problem is his general laziness (have had issues before where I felt he wasn’t pulling his weight with the kids) has now extended to food.

I do mostly all the housework and child care. He leaves for work before the kids wake up, comes home when they’re asleep and works every weekend. To add to my already full pile, he now wants me to make him special lunches in line with the diet. He also has started going to the gym. This is fine in itself, but he won’t cut into his hobby time. He leaves even earlier for work or goes straight after work. Two nights a week he does a hobby which he goes to straight from work. He never misses it.

He does have two days a week off, usually wed/thurs. 3 of the dc are in school/nursery so he mostly sleeps during those hours. He will do the school run on the days he’s home.

As I say, we have a ongoing battle as I feel he doesn’t contribute any time to the household at all. I’m sinking with all the cleaning, cooking, most of the school runs, homework, pets etc. He just goes to work and comes home. Now expects me to also make his lunch.

All came to a head this morning. I made dinner last night and made extra so we could have the leftovers today as dc will be with their grandparents. I thought it would be nice not to have to cook for a day. He got in a strop with me yesterday for not making him lunch so he has taken the whole tub of leftovers. I’m really annoyed and tbh it’s the last straw for me.

Aibu to just leave. I’m exhausted.

OP posts:

TrickyD · 06/05/2019 11:09

Yet another mysterious MN hobby.

I love all the pudgy trotter and cheerful fat shaming on here. If the OP was a man complaining about his fat wife, would he get the same sort of sympathy?

CaptSkippy · 06/05/2019 11:52

TrickyD, perhaps you shouldn't bother posting anymore until you have actually finished reading the first post at least half-way through. Then you'd realise that this has nothing to do with fat-shaming.

For the record I am fat, so I have a pretty good understanding what fat-shaming looks like.

Dana28 · 06/05/2019 12:38

You complain at doing the majority of the housework and childcare but you are a SAHM so of course you do.I think it is great he is doing something about his weight and you should be fully supporting him on that.
I think you are a little cheeky to say he can't take leftover food from his own house. You might have cooked it but his work purchased it!!
That said you do need time off too.! MYbe one. Of the days he is off. That would be fair

Hahaha88 · 06/05/2019 13:16

Right so he's overweight but you don't wajt him going to the gym because that leaves you with the kids a bit longer on your own? The kids you choose to have I might add. So how exactly is he supposed to loose weight? Because he's not allowed to ask his wife, who admits she's a better cook, to prepare him a healthy lunch either.
Yeah he was a bit of a douche taking the leftovers that were supposed to be for dinner as his lunch, but it's not really that big a deal is it? I mean if you don't want to cook that badly get a takeaway or a ready meal. Maybe he thought crap I've not done anything for lunch and it's take this or have something unhealthy from the canteen/shop whatever.
And you're a sahm, sahp are supposed to do the bulk of the child care, cleaning, cooking etc. Yes he should be helping out when he's home, that's the only thing I think he's BU about. One rest day for him, one for you would be fair.

Lunde · 06/05/2019 14:03

Hahaha88 - Right so he's overweight but you don't wajt him going to the gym because that leaves you with the kids a bit longer on your own? The kids you choose to have I might add. So how exactly is he supposed to loose weight? Because he's not allowed to ask his wife, who admits she's a better cook, to prepare him a healthy lunch either.*

If you read the thread it is really not the gym that OP is complaining about -it is the gym + 2 other hobby nights + Sunday afternoons in the pub!

If he is really serious then he needs to take some responsibility for preparing food that fits in with his dietary requirements and not just order his wife to fit it in on top of childcare, the housework and cooking etc - and not to take 2 portions that he knew had been made for the evening meal to "punish" his wife for not having made his lunch!

I am not sure that he is so serious about the diet - it seems to be just another way to opt out of family life and use as a stick to beat his wife!

Chamomileteaplease · 06/05/2019 14:03

When do you ever spend time with this man?

And why would you want to??

TrickyD · 06/05/2019 17:40

CaptKippy, Someone up thread called this man a "lazy greedy porker". I call that fat shaming even if you don't.

CaptSkippy · 06/05/2019 21:08

Well he is lazy and greedy. Though I am no fan of the term "porker" either.

TrickyD · 07/05/2019 13:20

Exactly, CaptSkippy, I agree with you. I was expressing surprise at the way this greedy fat man was described when any reference to a woman being fat and lazy results in a frothing MN frenzy.

PepsiLola · 07/05/2019 13:36

Jesus I couldn't live like this? You wanted a partner and you got a liability!

Oblomov19 · 07/05/2019 13:42

Have you Actually sat him down and told him how you feel?

this isn't just one thing : this is the final straw : the lack of looking after himself, for taking the lunch - which is selfish and inconsiderate, the laziness, re parenting generally, doing very little - all the things you have listed add up to somebody who is just not pulling their weight.

and have you told him that that's just not okay?

Bluesheep8 · 07/05/2019 13:58

Why can't he make is own lunch ? And yours, whilst he's at it if you're on the same diet?

SolitudeAtAltitude · 07/05/2019 14:08

Him taking and eating all the leftovers, whilst at the same time accusing you of being greedy, is one of the most gaslighting statements I've seen on here!

He is greedy and selfish and lazy, no wonder you're fed up

bamboofibre · 07/05/2019 14:18

I always wonder how all these men who expect their wives to make their lunch survived before they had a handy domestic appliance. I lived alone for years and years before marrying. Managed to buy shopping, prepare healthy food, eat it, manage my weight and athletic hobbies on top of a FT job. Feeding oneself is a pretty basic function of adulthood. Anyone with a brain can do it 'healthily' even whilst out. For lunch I just microwaved a packet of ramen noodles for lunch - I added in a cup of frozen stir fry veg, some peanuts and thickened the flavour sachet with thickening granules to form a nice sauce. Added in a chopped egg. Voila, a nice lunch!

Even Gregg's has plenty of options 400 cals and under.

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