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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask if you wash before sex?

102 replies

Notsureofopinions · 04/05/2019 22:38

This is the kind of question one can only ask Mumsnet 🙈

DP is a shower/bath 3 or 4 times a week person whilst I am a every day at least once person. I like to be clean before sex and am quite grossed out at thought of sex (especially oral) with someone who hasn’t washed for a while. This causes issues between us as DP gets upset I don’t want or initiate sex but I feel DP should make more effort for me - and when DP doesn’t shower for 2/3/4 days they can’t complain if I don’t want sex. I’m curious to know if I am weird compared to others?

OP posts:

Ferii · 05/05/2019 05:52

DH and I shower every day, straight up sex doesn't require a new shower but if oral is happening then yes absolutely both of us go for a freshen up.

PregnantSea · 05/05/2019 06:12

I don't shower specifically for sex unless it's special sex, like the all night kinky stuff that happens for our anniversary. I wouldn't think much of skipping a shower the odd day, as long as I didn't stink, because it's good for your skin. But I wouldnt want to skip more than one day. Also on the days that I skipped my shower I probably wouldn't want DH to go down on me. I like to be nice and fresh for that, as I'm sure he prefers too lol. There have been times when I've given my lady area a quick rinse at the sink in anticipation of him going down on me, but again this would only be if I hadn't showered yet that day.

3 or 4 days is far too long. Doesn't he stink at work? Isn't that an issue for him? If DH hadn't washed for 4 days then I wouldn't even want to sit next to him, never mind put his penis in my mouth. Ugh.

daisychain01 · 05/05/2019 06:21

DP is a shower/bath 3 or 4 times a week person whilst I am a every day at least once person "

Really?? That's gross, I'd be put off someone who didn't bath or shower daily.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 05/05/2019 06:28

I wash every day mainly before bed (when we normally do it anyway) so wouldn't necessarily wash before sex especially.

DP usually showers in the mornings and not at night. If he was a bit stinky of an evening i would tell him he needs to shower. Can't imagine not washing for more than two days, that's just grim!

00100001 · 05/05/2019 07:31

But if your DH is showeringing 3-4 times a week, that's every other day. Which is fine.
These people that shower every day, or twice even are loons. There's just no need! Unless you're getting sweaty or grubby.
Where did the "not for 4 days" come from??

Vulpine · 05/05/2019 07:35

Spontaneous sex doesnt always allow for pristine shiny clean body parts! How on earth did they manage to procreate in ye olden days

crispysausagerolls · 05/05/2019 07:46

In general, I think showering every other day is completely fine! Assuming someone isn’t using the gym or doing another exercise, and doesn’t work as a digger or farmer etc, and that they brush their teeth and wash their face.

If your DH smells then this system doesn’t work, but I really don’t see why people are so horrified by this idea, honestly.

Normal sex with someone who hasn’t showered that exact day? Totally. Oral sex? Probably not.

ShadowHuntress · 05/05/2019 08:02

It work for us as both myself and dh usually shower in the evening after we’re back from work and the kids are asleep. So I get the kids in bed and then have a quick shower myself. Dh gets in about 1/2 hr later and has a shower then. So we’re both fresh if we want to dtd.

I definitely wouldn’t be giving oral to someone who hasn't showered at least that day. No chance.

Also think everyone should shower at least once a day, even if it’s just a quick one.

FuzzyShadowChatter · 05/05/2019 08:33

I have noticed, especially when menopause issues are worse, that a shower sometimes help with getting in the mood and some other issues that has improved sex, but I've never really thought about it specifically for hygiene reasons. Teeth brushing, a time or two when one of us has just woken up or my mouth feels gross, but I guess we're generally clean enough that cheesiness or other ick has never come up when we've fancied sex.

Ariela · 05/05/2019 08:34

Invite him to share a shower with you...?

Teddybear45 · 05/05/2019 08:35

Why are you with someone who only showers 3-4 times a week? I wouldn’t be able to stay.

HeyNannyNanny · 05/05/2019 08:46

@StuckInsideAnEcho

Sorry Echo but that sounds like a miserable existence, why do you put up with it?

CoffeeMilkNoSugar · 05/05/2019 11:05

Always. No shower - no sex. No, it doesn't kill the mood, it makes sex better. And I'm not letting anyone's smelly unwashed genitals anywhere near my lovely clean ones either.

NOTHING worse than stinky balls. Ew.

OneStepSideways · 05/05/2019 11:10

If he's uncircumcised I'd expect him to wash thoroughly, don't men get a build up of dead skin cells/sweat etc under the foreskin?

We wash with a jug and mild soap before sex, but sometimes can't be bothered. Always wash before oral though especially if in between waxing!

AlaskanOilBaron · 05/05/2019 11:13

Oh god that's so gross.

I love, love, love the way my husband smells in the evening so no shower before sex - all man-like and pheromoney and faded cologne - but he showers every morning.

Also he's circumcised so blow jobs 10 hours post-shower are fine.

00100001 · 05/05/2019 11:59

Teddybear45

"Why are you with someone who only showers 3-4 times a week? I wouldn’t be able to stay"

What's wrong with showering every other day?

Teddybear45 · 05/05/2019 12:06

@binary - nothing if you’re not in a sexual relationship with them

00100001 · 05/05/2019 12:11

Well we shower every other day, aside from sweaty/dirty.

Never had a smelly nether regions incident...

JacquesHammer · 05/05/2019 12:13

Not especially no, but we love relaxing in a bath together anyway so...

Bookworm4 · 05/05/2019 12:14

@OneStepSideways
You're veering into penis beaker land.
Do Mnetters have everything on a Rota/schedule? No spontaneity?
'Sorry DH put that away and go shower, I shall mop down my lady bits and await you'

U2HasTheEdge · 05/05/2019 12:15

I love, love, love the way my husband smells in the evening so no shower before sex - all man-like and pheromoney and faded cologne

This!

I don't love the smell of just got out of the shower. As long as he doesn't smell of stale BO (he never does) and his penis doesn't smell (it never does) then it is all good.

I might have a quick wash of my pits and bits, depending on when I last showered and if I am planning on having sex. If it is spontaneous then I wouldn't go wash, total passion killer.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/05/2019 12:19

I don't shower at all because there is no shower in my house. I have a bath about 3 times a week. On the days that I don't batch, I have a wash, every morning and the evenings when I don't bath. I don't drink. I'm not dirty. Only on mumsnet could people be grossed out by showering every other day. Its really not necessary or possible for lots of people.

Sparrowlegs248 · 05/05/2019 12:19

stink

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 05/05/2019 12:21

Sorry DH put that away and go shower,I shall mop down my lady bits and await you
Can’t stop sniggering at this,it’s the killer line mop down my lady bits

Moominfan · 05/05/2019 12:25

If I ever go a day without showering I feel funky and itchy. I don't blame you ynbu

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