AIBU to ask if you wash before sex?

[Notsureofopinions]

This is the kind of question one can only ask Mumsnet 🙈

DP is a shower/bath 3 or 4 times a week person whilst I am a every day at least once person. I like to be clean before sex and am quite grossed out at thought of sex (especially oral) with someone who hasn’t washed for a while. This causes issues between us as DP gets upset I don’t want or initiate sex but I feel DP should make more effort for me - and when DP doesn’t shower for 2/3/4 days they can’t complain if I don’t want sex. I’m curious to know if I am weird compared to others?

I don't always but (I'm trying to phrase this nicely!) I give but don't receive...
There's nothing worse than a man that's nipped for a wee before sex and not washed

Yay a showering thread! So divisive 😂 no I don't wash before sex unless I'm particularly filthy. Why shower right before I'm about to get dirty? Seems illogical to me! But then I also don't see the problem with showering 4-5 times a week. It's fine it's hardly as if he's coming in from digging in a skip having not showered in a month. Why not just skip the oral unless it's his shower day? Showering every day could be bad for his skin.

The hygiene should not be an issue as you have told him you what you need. If he doesn’t want to engage that’s absolutely fine but he can’t expect you to be up for it he doesn’t wash. because you’ve told him you won’t be. It’s about respect. Differing options on cleanliness aside Yanbu to demand respect in a relationship

We both always shower before sex. We do it for each other and I think we both feel more comfortable personally knowing we're fresh and clean. We shower every day anyway but in the morning so by the evening I don't always feel fresh so shower again if we have plans to have sex (and yes, we mostly plan it these days!).

No I like a bit of spontaneity but I shower twice a day am and pm
Your man is a smelly munter

I’d expect my dh to wash daily. Doesn’t have to be same time of day whenever is convenient but yes washed at somepoint.

However being washed immediately before sex doesn’t really matter. I mean ideally yes but you know life and urges. Also takes that spontaneity away if your getting washed and it’s like crap I haven’t showered.

Nope, we don’t wash specifically before sex but we both shower every day and it’s never been a problem.

I couldn’t imagine anything more unromantic than us both taking a shower before sex. Is it a case of some kissing, groping, shower for her, shower for him, meet back in 15? It all seems a bit sterile...

Oh boy, sex with an unclean body! Yuck! No way would I be going anywhere near a penis that only gets showered 3 times a week. He must smell.

My DP always washes his bits before anything sexual. And he showers every day, twice if he's been working out. That's normal?

Damntheman
Oh thank God, I was starting to think I was the only one on here.

Ewww the thought of going down on all those fishy fannies and cheesy knobs 🤢🤢🤮🤮

Butterfly3005 if people shower most days then they shouldn’t have fishy fannies or cheesy knobs!

My fanny doesn’t smell fishy after a day at work. And I’ve contorted myself enough times to have a sniff

My STBXH would only shower every few days. I made it clear to him that he needed to wash more because I kept getting utis. He obviously wasn't that bothered because he didn't start showering more regularly. Funnily enough, both him and the utis are gone now

To be honest, when the urge strikes, I couldn't care less how dirty he is.

All of you that say you must both wash before sex, isn’t this a bit lacking in spontaneity? Don’t you ever for instance, get in after a good night out and not be able to wait to get each other’s kit off or even have sex on the stairs because you can’t get to the bedroom?

Well, you know what Napoleon used to tell Josephine...

I was just talking about that on one of this week's royal threads.

I shower every morning but do not shower before sex or expect my partner to. Agree with the pp who says it all sounds a bit sterile.

I personally am not bothered if its just a quick banging together of our ugly (less than fresh) bits. So like first thing in the morning or like right before bed. I wouldn't expect my partner to get out and shower first as those times are spontaneous. Likewise I'd feel a bit offended if he asked me to wash under those circumstances. It would ruin the spontaneity. But ORAL is a totally different ball game. Definitely I'd be asking my partner to wash - even if he has showered earlier- because I don't want to risk tasting pee (learnt this the hard way). Hell, I'll even engage in spontaneous morning sex but refuse to do any kissing if my partner has bad morning breath. I won't tolerate bad tastes.

Christ, I'd go off the boil altogether by the time we'd both stopped off for a shower.

In short yes for sure I'd have PIV sex with my partner even if they haven't showered for 4 days. But not oral.

Can someone please tell me what Napoleon used to say to Josephine then??

Not tonight Josephine I believe it was a rebuke

Both DP and I do a sneaky freshen up if we're getting on it in the evening after showering in the morning, usually because we've both done some active stuff or sports in the meantime so it's nice not to worry about being a bit whiffy in the underparts and it's considerate. We're not clean obsessed though, festival sex is particularly apocalyptic! But yeah it's not on to expect you to get any enjoyment out of day old cock.

Basically in his letters he said 'Hey Josie, I'll be home in a week. Please don't wash between now and then, you know your natural scent really does it for me, baby'.

Shower job for a blow job no problem with that:)

I'm well at people specifically showering before sex though. Sounds like a right mood killer!

Washing before sex?

Impromptu: nope - quick and sweaty adds to the fun.

Ordinarily: yes. A preference. Dog breath and stinky pits and bits is not sexy.

Oral sex: Required