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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset by this?

88 replies

Armadilloboss · 04/05/2019 10:01

Sorry in advance for the long message.
I have posted some n here before about the crappy 18months I have had. Lost my baby to Edwards syndrome, developed ptsd and am currently going through a divorce.
So not really in the best frame of mind, but feeling a bit upset so just want to know if I’m Being U?
So, as I say iv struggled with ptsd since the baby, friend is well aware of this. Last year another of our friends got pregnant. I confided in my friend how hard it was to be involved in the pregnancy conversations etc. She told me I should get over it and I should be getting more involved. 2 weeks later she announces that she’s 12 weeks pregnant. Then starts sending me scan pictures saying how amazing it was and how she was so happy, and continued to send me messages of how tired she was, how she was feeling etc. When I again explained to her that I was so happy for her but I was struggling with things, she said I was being unfair, and I shouldn’t expect her not to talk about her happiness to me. I took it on the chin and made more of an effort to hide my feelings.
Fast forward to yesterday and I find out on Instagram that she has given birth, and named her baby the name that I had confided in her was my baby name.
Don’t get me wrong, she can call her baby whatever she likes, but as a friend, I feel upset that she has used my baby name, after I had such a difficult time and lost the baby. We were very close friends (I was her bridesmaid last year, she was mine the year before) but now I feel like I can’t continue the friendship because her baby is now going to constantly be a reminder of the baby I should have had.

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 04/05/2019 11:15

She is not your friend. So sorry for your loss.

0nTheEdge · 04/05/2019 11:22

I just wanted to add my voice to the crowd saying that she sounds like a nasty piece of work and not someone you want in your life. I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the unnecessary pain your supposed friend caused you. She should have shown you compassion and consideration, not disregard and cruelty.

IfYoureGonnaTakeAShotAtTheKing · 04/05/2019 11:40

What an absolute shitbag! That is unspeakably insensitive.

I'm so sorry to hear all you've been through OP x

7yo7yo · 04/05/2019 11:43

So sorry for the loss of your baby op.Flowers
She sounds awful and insensitive.
Cut her out but I’d make sure mutual friends knew the full story.
She will twist it to make you look like your in the wrong when it’s her.
Nasty cow.

HoppingPavlova · 04/05/2019 11:46

No one owns a name but that is incredibly insensitive. A true friend would not do this.

IJustLostTheGame · 04/05/2019 11:47

This is unbelievably insensitive.
My dsis found she couldn't have children at around the same time. When shortlisting names I found out that one was 'her' baby name.
I discarded it.
Job done.
I would tell your 'friend' to fuck off

Passthecherrycoke · 04/05/2019 11:48

Woozers. Time to distance yourself I think, you don’t need This in your life right now

lboogy · 04/05/2019 11:48

Sorry for your loss. Your 'friend' is not a friend. She's a total bitch and I'd cut her off

FenellaVelour · 04/05/2019 11:51

Astounding lack of empathy. I’d have to let that friendship slide.
So sorry.

lunar1 · 04/05/2019 11:52

She isn't your friend. She is a vile woman and I'd have no more to do with her.

WellThisIsShit · 04/05/2019 11:54

Oh my God. No my lovely, you are not being ‘over sensitive’ or anything like that.

You are being a perfectly normal, sweat and lovely person who has just had several tons of bricks thrown at your head in recent months. And you deserve love, kindness and support.

This is your baby’s name, and it always will be. It must be so terribly hurtful to hear it bandied around and reused like this.

She is a terrible friend. Please know that she is a crass and selfish woman who shouldn’t be anywhere near you right now, and maybe not ever. Her actions must be so bloody painful right now, and so cruel, stirring up the grief and pain you must be feeling. I’m so so sorry Flowers. How dare she encroach on the memories and dreams you have for your beautiful little baby. Please try and sweep her selfishness and bad feelings away, so you can get her away from the love and wonderful ness of that precious darling little baby and you.

Im not explaining what I mean very well (sorry), but I just want to help you get that woman away from those most treasured moments and thoughts and bits of you... because you deserve to be protected from her horrible encroaching stealing-ness.

She doesn’t get to take stuff that isn’t hers, and it’s so cruel of her to take your baby’s name. However it doesn’t make it any less your name. Although I bet it feels like that in the social media frenzy of platitudes and congratulations at the moment. It makes her stupid and unoriginal though.

Distance yourself from this woman. You are going through an awful time, and you need to be very kind and protective of yourself. Treat yourself very gently and love yourself. You will get through this, and time will help, (especially with the divorce!).

Take care Flowers

TurquoiseLagoon · 04/05/2019 11:54

Wow. I'm so sorry OP. She is a horrible bitch and you would do well to end this "friendship"

DramaAlpaca · 04/05/2019 11:59

I'm so sorry for what you've been through Flowers

What your 'friend' has done is unforgivable.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 04/05/2019 12:03

I'd honestly cut this person loose. Block and delete her from your life. She's toxic and selfish.

ohfourfoxache · 04/05/2019 12:03

I’m so sorry for your loss Thanks

Your “friend” is an utter cunt and I would never have anything to do with her again x

Yougotdis · 04/05/2019 12:03

Not a friend worth keeping. You’ve wished her congratulations now I would simply shut down communication. Unfollow her on social media and concentrate on worthwhile friends

Kittypillar · 04/05/2019 12:07

Oh OP, I'm so sorry. Your friend is astoundingly insensitive, I just can't believe how much so :(

YANBU. Walk away. You deserve much better friends.

Patiopauline · 04/05/2019 12:11

A so called friend did exactly the same to me. Hurt like hell. That person is no longer a friend and couldn't understand why I had cut contact. Went round whinging that I was the nasty one and she'd done nothing wrong Hmm

Anyone who tells you that you don't have rights over a name is spectacularly missing the point.

I would walk away. This is no friend and will only cause you pain.

User199999999o9o999 · 04/05/2019 12:12

Block and ignore. She is worse than insensitive, she's a piece of shit. What she said to you initially was enough to make her so.

User199999999o9o999 · 04/05/2019 12:13

I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

Aveeno2017 · 04/05/2019 12:17

There is no way on earth I would do this to a friend...what a horrible person she is! Stay well clear x

Teribar · 04/05/2019 12:22

Many years ago a work colleague named their baby after the dead daughter of friends of theirs. I thought it was a bizarre thing to do but they did it as a tribute and with the best of intentions. Is it at all possible that this is the case here?

maras2 · 04/05/2019 12:23

Nasty and insensitive woman.Angry
Sorry for your loss armadilloboss
I hope that things pick up for you soon Flowers

quizqueen · 04/05/2019 12:30

If you are able to have another child you can still use the name ( or use as a middle name) unless you want to keep it for the child you, sadly, lost. You could also do with a better friend.

Stormwhale · 04/05/2019 12:30

Wow, she is an absolute disgrace. I would cut this woman out of my life and never look back. What a cold hearted nasty individual.

I'm so sorry you lost your lovely baby op. Flowers

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