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Original poster

I want a housewarming, partner doesn't- I think his reasons are unreasonable

57 replies

babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:03

Just bought a house with my partner. Would love to have a housewarming as I want to show off my lovely house and have a good time with our friends and family.
Problem- my partner will not have his parents there together.
Now- they have been divorced 10 years- both have new partner and neither have expressed any issues with being in the same room as each other.
He is flat out refusing a housewarming and thinks it will be fine for our wedding to be the first time they have to share a room because it's open etc.
He has admitted that it's his issue and he would feel uncomfortable and thinks everyone would be thinking and watching them (no one would know!)
I've said when we have children are we not able to have parties for them in the house? BBQs in the summer etc etc.
He just keeps repeating the wedding will be fine and I absolutely do not want this.

FWIW I think his parents will just say hello and not speak to each other - which I don't see an issue with.

What is the compromise here??

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 03/05/2019 23:06

You have a party for your family and friends, leave his family out, leave him out 😂 But don't just not have one because he says no!

And yes his reason is ridiculous

Rtmhwales · 03/05/2019 23:06

The compromise is to either just invite only your parents, or only one set of his parents, or not to have one. I'm not sure how you could really force him to have a party against his will. His reasons to not want to are just as valid as your reasons to want to.

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:08

I have said well I'll arrange one and he can decide who he invites/ doesn't.
He's already had his mum, her partner and his sister round to meet my parents and sister. Left his dad out then...
he's close to them both.
I just think he needs to grow up. It's not like he's 16 and his parents are newly divorced and bitter.
He's 32 ffs and they are both happy

OP posts:
pessimisticstateofperception · 03/05/2019 23:09

Have a party for your mutual friends, in it your family. He can invite his parents over for dinner separately.

His reasons for not wanting them both there are valid, but he doesn't have to invite them to a party for friends.

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 23:10

Have 2 parties? One where his dm can attend and one where his df can attend?

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:11

@Singlenotsingle
Have suggested this also- he decided THAT was just silly Hmm

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 23:12

He's the one being silly.

OwlBeThere · 03/05/2019 23:16

As the child of divorced parents I also refuse to have parties/occasions that mean my parents have to be in the same reasonably small space. It’s deeply uncomfortable for me, and whilst that may sound silly to you, you didn’t live through their divorce, he did.

If you want to have a party for your family then fine, but it’s utterly unreasonable to try and force him to do the same with his if he doesn’t want it.

moonrises · 03/05/2019 23:17

He doesn't want a party, he has come up with a reason as he feels that is better than just saying no. Maybe compromise and have a few people around at a time.

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:20

@OwlBeThere
He has said he doesn't want me to have a party just my family! I have said I can do that and he doesn't have to invite them. But he thinks that I shouldn't have one at all as people will be wondering why his family aren't there.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 03/05/2019 23:23

Have the party and leave his folks out of it.

My BIL is like this, but he either invites one parent or none.

Singlenotsingle · 03/05/2019 23:27

It looks like you've got a party-free lifetime ahead of you, OP! Confused

OwlBeThere · 03/05/2019 23:29

Oh, I see. I misread that part, sorry.
I think you need to talk about this some more. Maybe the reason is he just doesn’t want a party?

SandyY2K · 03/05/2019 23:32

But he thinks that I shouldn't have one at all as people will be wondering why his family aren't there.

Who will be wondering? He's overthinking it.

I must say at occasions where my BIL did have both his parents, they sat in different rooms. Ppl got used to it and nobody asked questions... once or twice Dsis friends asked her about his family, but that's because our family are very helpful/hands on when a sibling is hosting an event and his family don't lift a finger.

How many people are you thinking of having over? Why not consider inviting your friends over (no family) ...then parents can be invited on an individual basis.

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:33

@OwlBeThere
Maybe it is... but still leaves us in the same situation. I think it's unfair of him to stop me from inviting my family and friends to my house for a party. Ever.

And jeez the wedding- sounds like the perfect plan to lash them together for the first time on our wedding day NOT

OP posts:
Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:35

@SandyY2K
Yeah no one would be wondering. It's all in his head

Probs about 30-40 people- I am very close to all my extended family so the parry would be more family then friends on my side - and they all know all my friends so I'd want them to all come at the same time.

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 03/05/2019 23:36

Wow I bet you wish you had had this conversation with Mr.Fun Sponge before you bought a house.

Well sorry but nobody died and made him king "Look love I am having a party for my family/friends, invite people if you like, don't if you don't but the party is happening, feel free to join in or head out, either way you don't get to have everything your way"

Walkingdeadfangirl · 03/05/2019 23:38

Its his house too. So the compromise is you have the party when he is else where. Or you dont have a party. Its very concerning that you are trying to force him to do something he doesn't want to do.

OwlBeThere · 03/05/2019 23:39

It would be equally unfair to force a party in him he doesn’t want though...I’m not saying you’re wrong btw, I just don’t think he is either.
There must be a compromise to be had. Smaller get together? Work up to a bigger party. The only way you can resolve this is by both if you being willing to talk and find a happy medium.

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:40

@Walkingdeadfangirl
If you read my posts you would see that I am not trying to force him to do anything - I have already said I will have a party that he doesn't have to invite his family to or attend himself - he has said no to this.

OP posts:
Asdfghjklll · 03/05/2019 23:40

Why don't you do a informal all day type thing?! So from lunchtime. Invite his mum 12 till 3 and dad 330 till 730?
And jist tell everyone else to drop in when they can.

Original poster
babyyoucanwarmmyhouse · 03/05/2019 23:42

@OwlBeThere
I agree - I'm angry currently as he's just refusing to discuss a compromise.
No party for everyone
No party for my family
But he just says no- he doesn't want to for the aforementioned reasons and that our wedding day will be a great first test of throwing them together.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 03/05/2019 23:50

His refusal to compromise isn't boding well for the rest of your life together.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 04/05/2019 00:18

I'm angry currently as he's just refusing to discuss a compromise

NO, you are saying the compromise is that he does what he is told. He obviously does not want a party in his new house. If you do not like this guy dont date him. I do not get why you are trying to force him to change right from the start.

notacooldad · 04/05/2019 00:39

In your shoes I'd just have a part for mates.
We never invite parents to parties 🎉
No problem with them coming round and have drinks but I'd do it separate.

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