I want a housewarming, partner doesn't- I think his reasons are unreasonable

[babyyoucanwarmmyhouse]

Just bought a house with my partner. Would love to have a housewarming as I want to show off my lovely house and have a good time with our friends and family.
Problem- my partner will not have his parents there together.
Now- they have been divorced 10 years- both have new partner and neither have expressed any issues with being in the same room as each other.
He is flat out refusing a housewarming and thinks it will be fine for our wedding to be the first time they have to share a room because it's open etc.
He has admitted that it's his issue and he would feel uncomfortable and thinks everyone would be thinking and watching them (no one would know!)
I've said when we have children are we not able to have parties for them in the house? BBQs in the summer etc etc.
He just keeps repeating the wedding will be fine and I absolutely do not want this.

FWIW I think his parents will just say hello and not speak to each other - which I don't see an issue with.

What is the compromise here??

I agree with fizzy. You've signed on the dotted line and suddenly he's laying down the law? It's a yellow flag.

I would hate to have a party, with or without the divorce issues which are very real. They feel like showing off sessions to me and I would prefer to invite friends and family in small groups so you can properly talk to them. There is no compromise possible. Its either party or no party. I'm with him

Tell him he can invite who he likes, and leave it up to him as to whether that’s one parent, both parents or neither parent.

The actual housewarming is irrelevant

It’s his attitude

How the hell are you going to go through life with no celebration ever. No christening party, no first birthday parties.

This is a big yellow flag.

Just invite friends. Luckily my husband and I are in accord, we both hate parties. Dinner parties, great. Free for all’s with squished food and wine stains, no thanks.

OP - really think twice about the future of your relationship. I say this as I’m in a similar situation as you, but 20 years down the line!!

DH’s parents divorced over 35 years ago. FIL has been married to OW since then. MIL and FIL have only been in the same room ONCE during that time (they only ever communicated through solicitors before then). You’ve guessed it, the only time they have encountered each other was during our wedding! DH was so concerned about having both parents in the same place that it took 10 years for us to get married!! We got engaged fairly early on, but he then refused to even discuss planning a wedding. It was awful. FIL’s wife (OW) caused a massive fuss before the wedding, at one point refusing to come, so for months before, FIL said he would come to the church, but not the reception. They’re such fuckwits. Eventually they all came to the wedding and ignored each other 🙄

Now we’ve got our own DC, it’s a ridiculous situation. Every Christmas, birthday or event is fraught with emotion and family politics. I feel sad that my DC have never known proper grandparent relationships and we have secret bbqs etc where one side isn’t told. At Christmas or birthdays, DCs receive lovely presents from FIL/OW if we spend the occasion with them, but really useless and paltry presents if we spend that time with MIL. Yes, they really are that bitter and spiteful! I don’t think DC have noticed. DH won’t go NC with FIL, even though I’ve tried (now me and DC are LC with them).

With hindsight, I should probably have read the signs many moons ago and married into a more functional family.

Sorry for the essay. I just wanted to share the experience, as I don’t expect your DP’s issues will just be contained to a housewarming party. It will likely effect your whole future and that of any DC 💐

It's his uncomfortableness.
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I guess I'm worried that it's not just a housewarming, it's any party at all that I would want my family at. What if we have kids and they have birthday parties?

Also- I have a small group of friends and a large extended family I'm very close to- aunties/uncles and cousins- so having just friends round would not be a party.
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But he's just said no and that's that.
You are right to be worried about this negative stance he's taken. Is he the same in other parts of your life?

I could not feel comfortable with this situation. Where do you go from here if he refuses to compromise?