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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a nanny who smokes?

123 replies

crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 15:08

Please for the love of god if I am being unreasonable asking this, don’t yell at me via the medium of typing 😂🙈

I am looking for a nanny who will have DS for one afternoon a week and I think I have someone great but I just realised she smokes as she smells of it and I am not sure if it’s ok - mostly because I’ve seen so many posts on here of the smoke sticking to the clothes and then DS passively smoking through that even if she is not smoking around him? Is that really a thing? Quite hard to find someone for this length of time so unsure if I’m being ridiculous discounting her for a seemingly small reason.

No yelling 😬

OP posts:
lisamac28 · 03/05/2019 16:28

She absolutely will be popping out for a fag, don’t kid yourself, op

Why are you so convinced she will? As a smoker, I can go far more than 4 hours without a cigarette.

Haffiana · 03/05/2019 16:30

It will turn your pearls a nasty shade of grey. Honest, it is in all the latest baby A-Z spreadsheets!

lisamac28 · 03/05/2019 16:33

It will turn your pearls a nasty shade of grey

GrinGringrin]

greathat · 03/05/2019 16:34

No definitely not. My son has asthma and until recently has had regular hospital visits. The amount of times I've sat with someone in the next bay being told how terrible second hand smoke is, then the medical professional leave and the parent comments that are they'd never give up. Plus kids seeing a smoker makes it more acceptable to them

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 03/05/2019 16:34

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

idril · 03/05/2019 16:36

I turned a Nanny down for this reason. She really did stink because of it. It wasn't the health risk, it was the fact that a) I didn't want my baby to smell of it and b) I didn't want them to have to put up with being near an unpleasant smell all day - not sure a baby would notice but an older child would.

Laodamia · 03/05/2019 16:37

anyone who smokes knowing that it can kill must have some serious issues.

Such as?

Eating jam sandwiches in the nude whilst listening to the hits of Demis Roussos?

Visiting graveyards at midnight and exhuming cadavers to use in black magic?

dreichuplands · 03/05/2019 16:38

I would talk to her OP. Explain that you have only just started smelling smoke. See what her explanation is.
Personally I wouldn't hire a smoker but she is already in your house.
Discuss your concerns about secondary smoke and your dc.
Maybe she could take up vaping?

Drogosnextwife · 03/05/2019 16:40

I smoked before I became a childminder. I gave up as soon as I decided to register. I wouldn't have other peoples children around smoke and I certainly don't have time to nip outside for a fag at any point of the day and, also I would have to leave the kids alone to do that and that's an absolute no no.

JessieMcJessie · 03/05/2019 16:41

All these type threads scare me because both my parents smoked, in the house and everything. I’m 45 now and have always been pretty healthy, I did very well at school and professionally and have never smoked myself. But both my parents died young from cancer and I am still shit scared that my card has been marked since my childhood by something about which I had zero choice.

Sorry, that doesn’t help you OP, and is a bit derailing. Though one way to look at it is that as far as I can tell, full on passive smoking doesn’t appear to have done me any physical harm, only mental harm. So a few hours a week for your child being exposed to very light third hand smoke is probably a very very small risk, that might even be offset by the improvement in your mental health through getting some time off, and the fact that he will be with someone he already knows and trusts.

Namaste6 · 03/05/2019 16:42

I wouldn't hire her OP. If she smells of it, she's likely to be needing a cigarette when looking after your son. That would be a big no no for me. How hugely disappointing for you though. Hard enough to find the right person.

havingtochangeusernameagain · 03/05/2019 16:46

It would be a deal breaker for me as others have said.

I wouldn't' want someone who stinks of smoke, and bluntly, is quite so stupid, looking after my child.

In this day and age I can see absolutely no reason for anyone to take up smoking. It's massively expensive, you stink, your teeth go yellow and you look 60 when you're 40. Yep, really attractive proposition.

Mind you, I am coming to the conclusion that vaping smells almost worse.

Namaste6 · 03/05/2019 16:50

@havingtochangeusernameagain
I completely agree on the vaping. It's hilarious to watch the plumes of smoke. I wonder if they realise how ridiculous they look?

lisamac28 · 03/05/2019 16:50

you stink, your teeth go yellow and you look 60 when you're 40

Perhaps that's true if they smoke 60 a day. Not every smoker is a heavy smoker you know.

lisamac28 · 03/05/2019 16:52

It's hilarious to watch the plumes of smoke

You do realise there is no smoke involved with vapring right? It's only steam...vapour.

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:55

anyone who smokes knowing that it can kill must have some serious issues

It's not russian roulette. Confused they got addicted. Probably while very young.

Do people who risk their first sip of wine not knowing if they might be alcoholics have serious issues?

Fat people.

People who ski, take risks of serious injury and death.

Lwmommy · 03/05/2019 16:59

Oh good lord.

To summarise

  • you already employ her
  • she is a good worker
  • you like her
  • your child likes her
  • you think she would be good as a childminder
  • you've never noticed a smoke smell lingering in the house

But.....

  • because a group of random internet folk have spouted vitriol about how horrendous, stupid and smelly smokers are, not only are you discounting her for the childminder job but you might sack her as a housekeeper.

You do all know that smoking is legal, that doctors, nurses, midwives, teachers, police officers etc do it.

You can enforce a 'no smoking' on the property or during work time rule. You can also stipulate that she wash her hands if returning from an off site break.

The idea that you would discount someone who is otherwise perfect for the job is sheer madness!

Just wondering if your child was ill would you check if the hospital staff were smokers before allowing them to treat him?

Alsohuman · 03/05/2019 16:59

@Jessie, please don’t let this stuff scare you. My parents both smoked around me for the first six years of my life - 1950s, nobody knew any better - not only do I have zero heath issues, but neither of them did either and their combined age was 195 when they died!

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 17:00

Just wondering if your child was ill would you check if the hospital staff were smokers before allowing them to treat him?

This is a good point

OP posts:
Thunderspuds · 03/05/2019 17:14

There's no way I'd let this person go. She's known your child since birth, is "lovely" you say, works competently as your housekeeper and your DC adores her? You don't even know that she smokes. You smelt it on her once.

Drogosnextwife · 03/05/2019 17:14

Just wondering if your child was ill would you check if the hospital staff were smokers before allowing them to treat him?

Hospital staff are not the soul carer of the child during the day and they do not need to smoke around the child or leave them alone to go and smoke, they have breaks (not enough but that's when they smoke).

RozHuntleysStump · 03/05/2019 17:15

No chance

LL83 · 03/05/2019 17:20

Would you stop a granny or auntie visiting once a week if they were a smoker?

3rd hand smoke may be dangerous for a child living with a smoker who smokes in their so surrounded by it constantly, I dont think the situation you describe is an issue at all.

Ithinkmycatisevil · 03/05/2019 17:27

I'd hire her. I'd just say that you don't want her to smoke around your DC and that's the terms of her employment.

Mintychoc1 · 03/05/2019 17:29

Totally off topic OP, but I’m curious, why do you need a housekeeper several times a week? Do you live in a stately home?!!

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