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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have a nanny who smokes?

123 replies

crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 15:08

Please for the love of god if I am being unreasonable asking this, don’t yell at me via the medium of typing 😂🙈

I am looking for a nanny who will have DS for one afternoon a week and I think I have someone great but I just realised she smokes as she smells of it and I am not sure if it’s ok - mostly because I’ve seen so many posts on here of the smoke sticking to the clothes and then DS passively smoking through that even if she is not smoking around him? Is that really a thing? Quite hard to find someone for this length of time so unsure if I’m being ridiculous discounting her for a seemingly small reason.

No yelling 😬

OP posts:
TheGrey1houndSpeaks · 03/05/2019 16:09

Well, that’s the stupidest dripfeed I’ve heard in a long time Hmm

ChristmasCarrot · 03/05/2019 16:09

I've never even asked a childminder whether they smoke. It's seriously not my concern. I nip outside to have a smoke and my girls are perfectly fine. I'd say you're being unreasonable.

MRex · 03/05/2019 16:10

I'd be honest and ask her to wear fresh clothes because hers smell of cigarettes, let her know she's your preference but if DS starts smelling of smoke then you'll need to end the arrangement.

Alsohuman · 03/05/2019 16:11

I can’t believe you’ve changed your mind. I’m even more incredulous that you’d even consider sacking an otherwise exemplary employee because you’ve smelt smelt smoke on her. This is utterly bonkers.

MirriVan · 03/05/2019 16:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:12

Well, that’s the stupidest dripfeed I’ve heard in a long time

Why is it stupid?!

OP posts:
Laodamia · 03/05/2019 16:12

So you've gone from potentially having her look after your child once a week to potentially sacking her as your housekeeper for being a smoker?

Lord, give me strength.

Wellthatwastricky · 03/05/2019 16:13

Your DC is happy, she loves your DC, you know you can trust her, you've never even noticed the smell of smoke previously - she sounds ideal otherwise. Don't sack her off!

Better the devil you know... just ask her about smoking and deal with it and then crack on letting someone you know cares for your child look after them. Someone else mentioned the real risk is the person who doesn't watch your child properly, or doesn't really care for them and they are 100% right. We had a nanny growing up who actually properly lost my siblings in central London. Now that's the sort of shit you want to worry about.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:13

Are you sure she's a smoker, and not just started hanging out with someone who is?

It was pretty obviously her smoke smell if you know what I mean, covered by perfume.

OP posts:
ChristmasCarrot · 03/05/2019 16:13

Alsohuman - I agree, it's totally bizarre.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:14

We had a nanny growing up who actually properly lost my siblings in central London. Now that's the sort of shit you want to worry about

The stuff of nightmares!

OP posts:
IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:15

Id be shocked if you had never smelled smoke on her before and she actually smokes.

My guess is a friend was smoking too close or she wore her coat somewhere people were smokimg.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:15

So you've gone from potentially having her look after your child once a week to potentially sacking her as your housekeeper for being a smoker?

Some of the replies on here are suggesting that even having a smoker in my house is the devil! Let alone touching all mine and the baby’s things!

OP posts:
Alsohuman · 03/05/2019 16:17

Well, OP, you do know that a lot of the people who post on MN are batshit, don’t you?

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:17

AIBU to ask her if she smokes?

OP posts:
IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:17

Yeah, that's because MN can be bonkers.
If you said she drank a bottle of wine daily before 4 while tidying you'd be called an arsehole who's prudish about alcohol.

Laodamia · 03/05/2019 16:18

If she's a top class employee who gets on amazingly well with your son surely the thing to do is talk to her about whether she's a smoker, rather than sacking her? Sacking seems a tad hysterical!

IndianaJonesAndTheTempleOfDoom · 03/05/2019 16:19

It doesn't matter. It doesnt. Just say "no smoking while babysittng" and give her the job.

Would you really nor let friends/fathers/mother in law in house if they occasionally smoke?

Spidey66 · 03/05/2019 16:19

:not a parent alert:
I might, but only on the condition the nanny does not smoke in work time and does not come in smelling of cigarette smoke. What she does out of work time is not any of your business.

(BTW, I'm a smoker, but those are my own rules for smoking and working. I don't work with children but am a mental health nurse, so don't smoke during work time and/or smell of cigarette smoke as I feel I should act as a role model for patients.)

Laodamia · 03/05/2019 16:20

Just say "no smoking while babysittng" and give her the job.

Far too sensible.

Wellthatwastricky · 03/05/2019 16:24

The trouble is, you posted in AIBU, for starters.

People don't have the real life insight you have and some don't care either for that matter, about the real life impact of their off-the-cuff responses.

Also, flick through any smoking related thread on Mumsnet and you will be left feeling like anyone who has so much as looked at a cigarette is polluting themselves and the world around them and needs to be dragged against a wall and shot.

Original poster
crispysausagerolls · 03/05/2019 16:24

I really don’t think she would smoke in front of DS because she has never smoked here and she is here for several hours at a time.

This is genuinely not a problem I’ve ever had - I literally do not know any smokers.

I could ask her but then it’s quite awkward - if she says yes I say “you can’t watch DS then”?! Would be painfully awkward then. And if I said don’t smoke whilst watching him it’s almost offensive if she would never dream of doing it. Tricky.

OP posts:
Laodamia · 03/05/2019 16:25

I think she'd rather be given the chance to have a conversation about it rather than being fired out of the blue tbh.

lisamac28 · 03/05/2019 16:27

should I even keep her on as a housekeeper?! She is so lovely otherwise, it’s really such a shame

Of course you should keep her on, it's a few cigarettes she smokes...she's not injecting heroin!

Springisallaround · 03/05/2019 16:27

I work in the field and I would not be concerned about this- even to get a high risk from passive smoking you'd need to be near the actual smoke. I am very skeptical about the third-hand smoke literature and given that 80% of men and 40% of women smoked at the end of the second world war, I'm pretty sure the next generation they brought up (baby boomers) has been the most long-lived and prosperous ever (much to the disgust of some MNetters).

This wouldn't bother me for one afternoon a week as long as the person was scrupulous about not smoking around the child themselves.