To find mornings such hard work?

[Pandapawson]

I have 2 DC - 4 and 2 (in reception and nursery). I work 3 days a week.
DH leaves for work at 5.30am - his routine, up at 5am, shower, dressed, go.

My work mornings look like this:
6.30am I get up, children are usually already awake. I shower.
6.45am - we go downstairs, I drink copious amounts of coffee, children have milk and a couple of stories, then they play whilst I unload dishwasher, hang up load of washing (I set it so it finishes for around 6am) and get breakfast stuff ready, we have breakfast, I clean up and make lunches.
7.15am - head up to get dressed - usual, teeth, face, hands, wrestle them into clothes and then let them play whilst I make myself presentable.
7.45am - we leave the house and walk 15 mins to DD's nursery. Drop her off at 8am ish (usually a bit later) and then set off for DS's school - 20 mins in the other direction.
8.30am - drop DS (playground is supervised from then) and I head off to work.
9am - I rush into the office and log on - phone starts ringing and queries start immediately, I don't even get time to get a drink.

DH does not get this at all. He thinks leaving for work at 5.30am trumps everything. He would love to spend more time with the children - but I would hardly call this quality time. I run round like a headless chicken, thankfully it isn't every day.

I do this in reverse in the evenings too as DH doesn't get home until 6pm. So, I have to leave work at 5pm regardless whereas if he needs to finish something he just stays at work. I am always chasing my tail.

I have two days "off" but I still have the school run and DD on those days. I also spend time on those days getting evening meals ready for my work day as we all usually walk in around the same time.

DH does not get this at all and thinks I have the life of Riley. Monday - Friday all he has to think about is work, not getting to/ from school, what kit needs taking etc. He isn't a bad dad or husband - he does his share of cleaning and cooks at the weekend - which makes it even more annoying that he refuses to see that my working days are hard work!!

What are your morning routines?

Mornings are shit. The only thing that helps is being well prepared the night before, getting the kids well trained and an upbeat soundtrack that wakes the whole street.

Also I notice a lot of men 'working late' to conveniently avoid all of this crap. Or going to gym on way home. Its bullshit. Don't let him do it.

I think most peoples mornings are a bit like that. It'll get easier as DCs start to dress themselves etc.

In your case I'd suggest washing clothes in the evenings, ready to hang out when you/DH get home, or just before you go to bed.
Ditto dishwasher - I like to come down to an empty dishwasher in the mornings - you could put that on in the evenings once everyone has eaten and unload before bed.

I work FT, DH is out by 630.

The only way to make it work for me is

get up at 6, shower before he leaves.

Make lunches the night before

Book bags are unpacked and repacked as soon as we walk in for the next day

Have enough uniform for a clean set every day. No washing during the week.

I physically dress the kids - fannying about waiting for them is just a recipe for stress, ditto teeth.

No tv until they are fully dressed and ready to go. Then they can sit on the sofa and watch something while I get last bits together.

We leave at the same time every day. This is non negotiable. If we don't I miss my train, I get home later and that has a knock on effect on everything.

I mean, leaving the house at 5am doesn’t sound like much fun to me especially when he doesn’t finish work until 6...

Organisation is key but I agree, mornings suck. Sort the lunches the night before, saves a lot of hassle.

My actual routine is this:

We both wake at 6.
DH empties dishwasher & walks dog before work.
I get my 4 yo up and lay clothes out for her.

I set a 12min timer on in her room which she can see. She knows if she's not dressed by time timer is up she gets no shows. We pack her bag together night before.

While she's dressing I dress myself and do my hair. Get my baby changed and dressed. Go downstairs and make tea. 4yo comes down and we all have cereal/toast. I put my make up on while they finish eating. 4yo watches a show with baby while I clean up after breakfast. I BF baby. We brush our teeth together and leave. Takes an hour.

I deal with washing after work.

I agree 5.30-6 is long outvoid but I think it's OP's DH's attitude that is the issue here. H gets a child free morning and commute. The school run is not 'the life of Riley'. I'd get him to try it one day if it's that great.

Does he need to leave that early? Not sure why he gets to get up, self care and leave. Set the washer so it finishes in time for him to hang it and empty dishwasher before he goes. He could get breakfast stuff prepped for the kids too. When he gets in at six does he do baths / bed or just sit recovering from his day? On your work days he needs to recognise that you don't 'finish' at 5, you switch roles. I am a single parent working full time. I switch roles about 5.30 and actually finish at about 8.30 when kids are in bed. Maybe present it to him like that and compare how many hours you work per day each then.

You do way more than i do in the morning. Everything you do i do in the evening

6:30 - I wake up and get myself sorted.
7:00 - Wake up dd (15months), get her dressed, downstairs for a bottle of milk.
7:20 - leave, drop dd at nursery at 7:30, and i'm into work sat down at my desk at 7:45.

Me and partner alternate pick ups each day. He starts work at 5am each morning so i do all drop offs

Sounds very stressful OP and your husband doesn’t get it and won’t get it until/unless he has to do it himself. You need to ask him (in whichever way suits your relationship best) to shut the fuck up about you having the life of Riley because it’s unfair and irritating even if he only says it in jest, just stop.

Then you need to get a bit more organised for the mornings which isn’t too difficult. If you make a couple of changes it will feel less stressful. So wash enough uniform/clothes for the whole week at the weekend, night before put them out ready for the morning. Instead of the stories first thing, get them dressed (4 yo dress herself) and then down for bfast. Make lunches the night before too then after breakfast they can watch telly/play while you put your make up on and finish getting ready. You don’t need to do washing because that was done at the weekend. If there’s time for stories do them then, after 4yo has her shoes on ready to leave & bookbags are ready to go.

If you can’t drop your eldest at school any earlier and it takes you 30mins to get to work then you can’t do anything about that and not getting a drink before work chaos begins. BUT with all that extra time in the morn you could make up a flask of tea or coffee and take that with you until you get chance to take a breath at work.

You could also shower in the evenings instead of the morning.

Mornings are HARD. My DC are 3 and 7 and the youngest thinks it's hilarious to run away when I'm trying to dress him. He's a sweet funny amazing child but when he does this in the morning I internally scream until he's dropped off at nursery!

Does he need to leave that early? Not sure why he gets to get up, self care and leave. Set the washer so it finishes in time for him to hang it and empty dishwasher before he goes. He could get breakfast stuff prepped for the kids too
Given that most people don't leave that early unless they have to I can't see how he could be expected to sort the washing and dishwasher first!
Why not stick the dishwasher on the evening before after dinner so it can be emptied before bed? And ditto the washing? Less to fit in the next morning.

Yes it is shit. And also you (as I was) are guilty of thinking about and doing everything. My DH used to get up, have his breakfast, shower and dress and leave the house by 6.30 at the latest. The thing that finally got me was he would put his breakfast dishes over by the dishwasher because the dishwasher was full of clean stuff. Never bloody occurred to him to empty the dishwasher. Somehow that was my job along with getting g two kids and myself ready for school etc in the morning. One day I had a go at him lost my shit. Why is the dishwasher, washing hanging, organising all down to me? Because I let it be like that. And so he didn't have to think and take action. Suffice to say he unloads the dishwasher now and tidied the kitchen before we are up. So OP have that conversation.

Yeah, he does have to leave at that time - he needs to be at his desk by 6.30am and he says he is the first one to leave at 5pm (not sure if this is true!) he has a longer commute than me.
When he gets in he does deal with the children - he usually does the bath while I clear up after dinner/ put clothes away/ generally tidy. We take a child each for bedtime. Once they are in bed there is always something to do - ironing, cleaning, life admin which we both do at the same time and usually flop in front of the tv at 8pm. We each take an evening to do our hobbies (sometimes more). Because DH gets up so early we are usually in bed by 9.30pm though.
I should really do the dishwasher before I go to bed (but I really hate doing it!) and I could try to switch around the clothes washing - it's habit that I put it in of an evening as it works well on my days off. Lunches I should also do the night before - I rarely sit down before 8pm as it is though.

It's just relentless! I hate the argument about who has it worse too, I agree his job is tough (I used to do the same pre children, so I do understand) but it is not the same as having to do all the child wrangling too.

He could make lunches, either the night before or in the morning. I prefer to make them the night before so less rushing around in the morning, and leave my bag by the fridge so I don't forgot to take it.

He could easily hang out the washing in the morning, would take him 5 minutes? Ditto for the dishwasher. Or he could do it when he gets in, 6pm is hardly a late time to walk in the door.

He could also batch cook meals for the week one evening or at the weekend.

He sounds like he's not pulling his weight at all in the week.

Why are you reading stories in the morning?

So your DH’s hours are 6.30am - 5pm, a 10.5h day? That’s a very long work day, does he get TOIL or is his his job 52.5 hours a week? Ouch!

Yes, he works long hours - investment banking so he has to be at his desk during European market hours, sometimes he has to work late and travel too. I am actually quite lucky he comes home when he does most days. Like I say, I knew the deal - I did similar for years.
I do think he could do more though - I think doing the dishwasher in the evening could easily be his job - he does the same as a PP's DH - his morning cereal bowl is always left on top of the dishwasher

rogue we read stories out of habit, I suppose - the children drink their milk and I read two stories (Julia Donaldson type). I quite like it but I guess they could go.

I do out the house (gym/work) 5.30 - 6pm some days, and I do the morning drop off some days, and I absolutely see the 5.30 starts as the easy option.

And mine is loads easier than you - my kids get breakfast at nursery, and sleep until I wake them up and get them straight into clothes. So I do zero housework in the morning, and no lunches to worry about or anything.

I agree your morning routine is very hectic and a lot of things can be done the night before.

Dishwasher ran and emptied the night before
Washing - either done at the weekends or done on the days you are not working
Lunches and book bags prepared and ready to go the night before.
Shower in evenings
Hair washed either on the days you're not working or the night before with your shower.

Our mornings used to be a bit like this when my 2 were younger.

Hubby leaves at 6:30/6:45am- but he was getting up, having a shower in peace, then spending 30 mins watching the news whilst he had breakfast (in peace).

I was doing everything else and not managing to eat or drink anything- sometimes before going off for a 12 hour shift after school runs....

I put my foot down- now he unloads dishwasher and puts washing to dry in the morning.
He also checks uniform situation every bedtime ready for next day.

I also make sure the kids have a school dinner on the days I work so no packed lunches to faff with.

It has got much quicker now the children are a bit older- reception and yr4...

Can anyone really shower the night before and not feel gross in the morning still? I always feel sweaty and smelly in the morning. I don't wash my hair on work mornings but I still need to straighten/ do something with it.
Lunches I definitely need to sort out the night before.
Washing - I seem to do loads! A load every day. DD seems to get through 3 changes of clothes every day at nursery - paint, food, water, mud DS has enough uniform for clean every day so that is sorted at the weekend but then there is PE kit, plus he plays football on Saturdays and does swimming one evening. Both DH and I go to the gym, we usually swim as a family at the weekend and then there is bedding, towels etc - if I leave it for a couple of days I end up with a washing mountain!

Do more at night, your shower, washing clothes, lunches, prepping all next days clothes. I cannot stand doing any housework / jobs before I go to work in the morning.
Is there any way you can get into work earlier? it’s really shit for you sitting down to a ringing phone at 9am, I need a bit of ‘easing in’ time.
Don’t let DH get away with the ‘working late’ excuse he has a 50% responsibility for all this too, and if he’s in the house he’s available to do these jobs too.
It is easier when the kids get older but they also get lazier (IME) and you end up shouting at them to get ready imehich is stressful.

Mine is this - I have two kids aged 2 and 3. I work 3 days a week. On the days I work I leave the house at 6.00am. Get up at 5.15. The night before I get all kids stuff ready in ruck sacks, clothes socks shoes etc spare of everything. DH gets them up drives them to my sisters whilst they are in PJs 45 minutes away and then he heads to work. He picks them up on way home and they are all back before me by the time I get in about 6pm. The do dinner, he does baths, bed by 7.15. Start again for getting the next day ready. Busy times.