To find mornings such hard work?

[Pandapawson]

I have 2 DC - 4 and 2 (in reception and nursery). I work 3 days a week.
DH leaves for work at 5.30am - his routine, up at 5am, shower, dressed, go.

My work mornings look like this:
6.30am I get up, children are usually already awake. I shower.
6.45am - we go downstairs, I drink copious amounts of coffee, children have milk and a couple of stories, then they play whilst I unload dishwasher, hang up load of washing (I set it so it finishes for around 6am) and get breakfast stuff ready, we have breakfast, I clean up and make lunches.
7.15am - head up to get dressed - usual, teeth, face, hands, wrestle them into clothes and then let them play whilst I make myself presentable.
7.45am - we leave the house and walk 15 mins to DD's nursery. Drop her off at 8am ish (usually a bit later) and then set off for DS's school - 20 mins in the other direction.
8.30am - drop DS (playground is supervised from then) and I head off to work.
9am - I rush into the office and log on - phone starts ringing and queries start immediately, I don't even get time to get a drink.

DH does not get this at all. He thinks leaving for work at 5.30am trumps everything. He would love to spend more time with the children - but I would hardly call this quality time. I run round like a headless chicken, thankfully it isn't every day.

I do this in reverse in the evenings too as DH doesn't get home until 6pm. So, I have to leave work at 5pm regardless whereas if he needs to finish something he just stays at work. I am always chasing my tail.

I have two days "off" but I still have the school run and DD on those days. I also spend time on those days getting evening meals ready for my work day as we all usually walk in around the same time.

DH does not get this at all and thinks I have the life of Riley. Monday - Friday all he has to think about is work, not getting to/ from school, what kit needs taking etc. He isn't a bad dad or husband - he does his share of cleaning and cooks at the weekend - which makes it even more annoying that he refuses to see that my working days are hard work!!

What are your morning routines?

Yes and it doesn't get any better. Teenager here who can obviously get dressed by himself but hates getting out of bed!

It is relentless I agree but I guess you just have to accept that's the way it is for now and get on with it!

Evening: house is tidy, all admin is done, every bag ready - my handbag included!, uniforms (and my clothes) ready, dish washer is on.

Up at 6 am
Put a load of laundry on - I need to do at least a load a day
Make coffee
Empty dishwasher whilst coffee made and cool down
Put breakfast on table for kids who are trickling downstairs.

6:20ish: clean one room (OMM method) whilst kids having breakfast. Yes, they watch tv, no shame here.
7: shout to get all remaining kids downstairs and they finish their breakfast/ watch more tv, or read or do whatever they want.
Hang laundry that has just finished.
7:20 jump in shower, ready at 7:30

7:30 either get kids ready, or pass them on to DH and leave for work
Whilst kids getting ready upstairs, whoever is here clean kitchen.
8am: everybody leaves the house, or at least ready to.

Laundry folded and ironed in the evening when I fancy watching tv
Toys are put away before bath
House is kept clean and tidy so it takes no time to maintain.
No chores in my house at the weekend ever, life is too short! I basically clean 5 hours a day (1 hour every morning) and keep house tidy in the evening. No frantic rush if someone pops in, we know where things are. Works for us

I can't really get to work much earlier without putting DS into breakfast club which I am against for two reasons - 1. It is £6!! for a bowl of cereal and 2. He is already shattered being there 8.30 - 5.30 three days a week. The playground is supervised from 8.30 so I literally dump him and run. I walk from there to work as I know I will get there on time - the bus is quicker but only if one comes on time and there isn't much traffic.
I walk almost 10 miles on a work day - at least it keeps me fit!!

Being squeezed at both ends of the day leads to burnout, in my experience. My life improved when I did ALL the laundry in 36 hrs, once a week (for me at weekends, perhaps for you on not-at-work days). It did mound up, but if you know you’re going to deal w it all at once, that’s ok. Clothes wash better this way too as you can sort more. Then it’s ALL done and I can just watch it mound up without stressing me for another week. Seriously - it’s a huge timesaver for me, putting it all away just once a week. Also - dishwasher and lunches - those shd go on yr DH’s plate. Neither are big jobs if that’s all he has to do.

How long do you all spend in the evenings cleaning and tidying?
On my days off I do as much as I can - bathrooms, deeper clean of the kitchen etc. but every night I have to tidy away toys, hoover the main living area, wipe down the kitchen, sort out the hall which is treated as a dumping ground by everyone. I do pack bags each night before work too. I do iron and sort laundry most nights too otherwise it builds up - I spend an hour most nights doing stuff.
I also have to check work emails on days off/ evenings- working part time is not all what it seems.

You need to do more in the evening, including your DH.

Uniform and your work clothes set out ready.
Bags,shoes coats by door ready,
Dinners stuff cleared, breakfast table set,
Including cereal and things ready to grab.
Load dishwasher run it and then empty it while boiling kettle in the morning.
Make lunches while tea is cooking
Read to both children at the same time and then put them to bed, this could be done by one of you while the other does something else.

Your mornings are manic.

At the moment I get up at 6, quick brush teeth and dress. DS (3) comes downstairs anytime between 6-half past. He has his weetabix while I drink a cup of tea. DH wakes at 7, we eat toast. He gets DS dressed while I do makeup/sort hair. 7:30 empty washing machine and dishwasher. Leave house at 8.

DH arrives home about half 4, picks DS up from Nursery and they do a housework job (hoover/wash load in/dust) before I get home at half 5. We all eat together at 6pm. House gets a clean between 6:30-7. Ds bedtime for half 7. And sit.

We get 3 year old DS involved in loading dishwasher, washing machine, dusting as he seems to enjoy it and I like that he sees his dad doing it, it also helps us not run about like lunatics after he's in bed. Life admin is done at work on my lunch hour.

I only iron work shirts, can't be bothered to do anything else. Folded properly, nothing else really needs to be done. That's 1 of the reasons I don't use a dryer.

Tidy up toys: not long at all, kids are away all day anyway, we all do it together before bath.
Hoovering the hall, 5 minutes
kitchen, I don't know, that's the longest job, but maybe 30mn plus cooking and so on

There's no dumping ground here: if things are thrown on the floor, their owner has to come back, pick them up and put them away properly, even if it jsut means shoving them in their own basket. It takes just as much time. You do need the right storage for everything though.

I must spend 1 hour every evening with work stuff, but I do it after everything else is done, with a cup of tea, it never feels like a chore.

Shower night before definitely.

Dishwasher goes on maybe every 2 days or so.

Washing is all done on a saturday (maybe 4 loads for the week).

Quick tidy each evening after dinner takes about 10mins.

you need to decide what works best for you

I prefer to get everything done in the week, and to have my weekends fully off. I can't imagine wasting time doing chores then.
It might work better for you to do less during the week, and more at the weekend. If you have 2 full days off during the week, I think that it should be more than enough if you are organised.

I don't even batch cook, but I tend to cook double portions, so I freeze half a meal every time it's possible (not when I make an omelette obviously ) Freezer is kept full that way.

I spend the bare minimum time cleaning in the week, I just make sure things are tidied so it’s not messy. I have a cleaner and it’s worth it to me as I work FT.
I only do ‘emergency washing’ in the evenings, and literally have loads on the go all weekend and make sure it’s all ironed away by Sunday night. I just make sure I focus on getting out to work on a weekday morning and as I says I can’t bear doing ‘jobs’ before I leave for work.
My kids are older though, 15, 14& 10. Teens won’t get out of bed though so I do end up yelling - which is unpleasant for everyone, but I leave before they do, so they have to take responsibility for themselves.

Dishwasher on after breakfast, then it can be emptied when you get home. Same with the washer, if you're putting stuff on at night, make it towels or things that don't need hanging up.

I think I'd be getting up just after your DH personally, to give me half an hour of peace before the mayhem starts. Could he bring you a cuppa up so you get at least that in peace?

Yes, maybe I should get up earlier - my 2yr old is usually disturbed by DH and is awake around 5.30 anyway (but I am mean and leave her to play in her cot).

Delegate

I cook, DH washes up and cleans kitchen. While cooking I put on one load of washing and make lunches for tomorrow. After dinner we ALL go through the house picking things up & putting away. I sort clean washing into piles and everyone puts their own away. On Saturdays I clean bathrooms while DH dusts and hoovers/mops.

Your DH is an investment banker and you are quibbling about £6 on breakfast club?! I think there are some aspects of this problem you could throw money at, tbh. I also think your DC sound great. My DD would never ever have let us continue sleeps by once she was up nor given us enough peace to shower (well not till about a year ago she's 6). And 5pm IS a very early finish for that kind of job. Some parents of DD's schoolfriends work in financial services/medicine and one starts early, one finishes late, plus wraparound, or else they use a nanny.

My hubby works away for 3 weeks at a time. Mine are 3 and 6. So when he is away mine is:
7.00/7.10 get up, go downstairs, get breakfasts. While kids eat I put on a wash, tidy kitchen etc
7.25-7.45 finish brekkie, get kids dressed, teeth, hair, shoes etc (they are soooo slow in the morning 😩)
7.45-8.00 kids play in playroom and I get dressed, make up etc
8.15 leave if I have work. Drop them for 8.25/8.30the school And Montessori are connected so it’s only one drop off. And then I go to work for 8.50
If I don’t have work I drop them for school start time which is 8.40 so I leave the house at 8.25-8.30.

To make my life easier I make lunches and set out uniform/clothes the night before!

Get him to do the evening routine. We used to take it in turns. How on earth do women get into a position where men do the square root of fuck all?

On the other hand when my DH is home he does morning routine and I get ready for work and go...

It's not on breakfast club I would spend money, it's on a cleaner.
You keep the house tidy, cleaner comes once a week for 2 hours (around £25 a week, or every 2 weeks if it's too much).

I don't believe it's fair to imply that an investment banker has always huge funds to throw around, you don't know people circumstances, but if you do have the cash, do think about a cleaner. They will clean more in 2 hours than you would - at least a good 1 will.

I am honestly puzzled by people who spend their weekends doing chores. If it works for you, by all means, there's nothing wrong with it, but aren't you completely restricted by it?
How do you manage to have people staying over, going away for weekends, just spending days out if you have such a long list of chores to do!

Op I feel your pain. I am the opposite in that I am out the door at 6am but I still end up doing large amounts of stuff before I go to bed or in the morning before everyone else is up. I use TOMM (organized mum method) for cleaning ever day so it keeps the housework to a minimum. It takes a bit of getting used to but it really does reduce needless housework. I hate to say it but maybe you could get up earlier and get bits done while everyone is still upstairs. My kids might be awake when I am up in the morning but they have to stay in bed until a certain time.
I do lunches and all school stuff the evening before.

My dh gets all his shirts washed and ironed at work so that’s a bit of a reduction in washing.
Can you ask the nursery to get some messy play coveralls for the kids to stop then getting filthy

I think your morning sounds entirely normal! My dc are both at school so drop off is quicker, but basically I get up at 6.45 and get to work at 8.45 and the whole thing is a rush. I don't have time to shower in the morning, and it takes a long time to get the kids out of bed so they have no time to play.

That sounds exhausting OP.

At a minimum DH should be making lunches and unloading the dishwasher in the evening.

I wouldn't be reading stories in the morning either, that seems unnecessary and is costing you time.

I agree with others - dishwasher, hair, laundry, do in the evenings, weekends or your non-work days. Wake up a bit earlier if you can do it without stirring the baby. Keep some bananas or something in your work desk if you get in all flustered and need something to keep you going.