To find mornings such hard work?

[Pandapawson]

I have 2 DC - 4 and 2 (in reception and nursery). I work 3 days a week.
DH leaves for work at 5.30am - his routine, up at 5am, shower, dressed, go.

My work mornings look like this:
6.30am I get up, children are usually already awake. I shower.
6.45am - we go downstairs, I drink copious amounts of coffee, children have milk and a couple of stories, then they play whilst I unload dishwasher, hang up load of washing (I set it so it finishes for around 6am) and get breakfast stuff ready, we have breakfast, I clean up and make lunches.
7.15am - head up to get dressed - usual, teeth, face, hands, wrestle them into clothes and then let them play whilst I make myself presentable.
7.45am - we leave the house and walk 15 mins to DD's nursery. Drop her off at 8am ish (usually a bit later) and then set off for DS's school - 20 mins in the other direction.
8.30am - drop DS (playground is supervised from then) and I head off to work.
9am - I rush into the office and log on - phone starts ringing and queries start immediately, I don't even get time to get a drink.

DH does not get this at all. He thinks leaving for work at 5.30am trumps everything. He would love to spend more time with the children - but I would hardly call this quality time. I run round like a headless chicken, thankfully it isn't every day.

I do this in reverse in the evenings too as DH doesn't get home until 6pm. So, I have to leave work at 5pm regardless whereas if he needs to finish something he just stays at work. I am always chasing my tail.

I have two days "off" but I still have the school run and DD on those days. I also spend time on those days getting evening meals ready for my work day as we all usually walk in around the same time.

DH does not get this at all and thinks I have the life of Riley. Monday - Friday all he has to think about is work, not getting to/ from school, what kit needs taking etc. He isn't a bad dad or husband - he does his share of cleaning and cooks at the weekend - which makes it even more annoying that he refuses to see that my working days are hard work!!

What are your morning routines?

And everyone dressed first, then stories, and if that doesn’t work then leave stories for bedtime.

I found having a huge clearout (Marie Kondo style) made our lives much easier. Tidying up the house is much much quicker when you have far less stuff, and ample storage to put it away quickly. I am not constantly moving stuff around. Nobody dumps things because everything has a place to quickly put it away. Also fewer clothes makes laundry quicker

I found having a huge clearout (Marie Kondo style) made our lives much easier

agree

Read the TOMM method, it starts with a huge "boot camp" to put your house in order

I was thinking some more and do you think you're getting enough sleep? If your DH is getting up at 5, presumably that disturbs you a bit and 10pm to 5am is only 7 hours which doesn't sound quite enough. The reason I thought you might consider breakfast club is you could make use of the fact the kids are up early to start the day while you're all fresher and maybe all get home with a bit more energy. You're kind of wasting time that first 15 mins of nursery at the moment which would give you that precious slot at 8.45am to grab a drink and use the loo! Sounds trivial but I know where you're coming from. I'm a teacher and if I get in and have to plunge straight into registration then teach all morning, it makes me grumpy.

Of more concern would be that your DH may be undervaluing what you do. Talk to him. He spends 10.5 hours a day somewhere where money is all so it would be easy to get into that mindset.

Aha. I know. Isn't there a week of the school holidays you can't get off? If DH would like to experience the life of Riley for himself, ideal opportunity. You can go in early and stay late that week to catch up. 😂

I'm a single mum of an 8yo in full time work. We wake at 6.20am, she then lounges in bed watching her videos until 6.55am whilst I have cofee, do make up and get dressed. I then nag her to brush teeth and get dressed, we go downstairs for shoes, coats, feeding the cat and are out of the door by 7.25am. She's in breakfast club by 7.35am and I am at work by 8.15am.

I also think there's perhaps too much going on for you in the morning that could be done in advance or not done at all

One of the reasons I chose not to have kids is that I absolutely couldn't have coped with the mornings (sleep disorder/chronic fatigue/takes me forever to get my brain in gear in the mornings), so I can definitely imagine how getting a whole family ready every single weekday morning could get someone down, even though I haven't experienced it for myself. I can only just cope with getting myself through the morning routine - even interactions with my poor DH don't go all that successfully due to my inability to form a coherent sentence first thing in the morning, so I tend to keep myself to myself while getting ready, for his sake as much as mine. lol

If I had kids they'd experience me as an ogre first thing every morning and that wouldn't be fair to them.

I used to think I was so busy before having children - oh how I laugh at my former self.....

Right - as of next week I will do more in the evening and maybe try to get my sorry arse out of bed earlier. I love sleep though

Re: breakfast club I totally begrudge paying £6 for a bowl of cereal, plus school is on my way to work so it wouldn't make sense to drop DS off and then go back to DD's nursery - she can go to the school nursery from September 2020 but I will just have to suck it up until then. I may look again at breakfast club when they both go to the same place and I could drop them at 8am and get to work for 8.30am.

A cleaner - we used to have one but I found that she was pretty rubbish and the house would be ok for maybe a day and then I would have to do it anyway. I do quite a bit on my non work days - it isn't a complete mess but I find something has to be done each day (side eye at DS and his inability to pee into the toilet bowl).

Hats off to single parents and those working full time, I honestly don't know how you do it.

I just don't think any of this sounds particularly difficult tbh . Basically you get up at 630 and get yourself and dc fed, dressed and organized for work, school and nursery. Exactly like millions of other working parents do.

Certainly there are things you could change up if you want to, it might well make more sense to run dishwasher/do laundry at night etc but by and large you're not describing anything particularly onerous.

I don't think it's helpful for you and DH to get into "who has it worse" discussions. It's competitive tiredness and usually not helpful as each person gets more defensive about their contribution.

This is just a stage of life. It gets easier as the dc get older and are able to do more for themselves without constant supervision but even now you can start instilling good habits eg they put coats, bags shoes in their designated spot rather than dump anywhere for mum to tidy, teaching them to put toys away (if they can take the lego/cars/jigsaw out of the box they can certainly place them back in!).

Your mornings sound exhausting! Can't believe your dh thinks he has it harder! I do similar but not with such young DC so you have my sympathy. I once said to my dh that he had a luxurious kind of morning compared to me. He didn't get it either- said "but I'm getting myself ready for work". Exactly- yourself! Whereas I'm getting ALL the rest of us ready.
Cut out the stories though- lovely thing to do but too much in the morning!

Why not set the clothes to finish washing for when he gets up and delegate that chore to him. Have him set out the kids' breakfast stuff on the table so it's ready. Have him set out the uniform the night before etc. There are ways to delegate some of this stuff, but it won't help if he fails to admit there's a difference and you don't have it as easy as he thinks.

There is definitely some every day stuff that had to happen (clean kitchen, vacuum common areas, load and unload dishwasher, some degree of cooking). But you can make life easier on other fronts.

Ironing - none for the kids, your and DH’s work clothes get sent out. Tell DH to find a dry cleaner that launders shirts near his work. They’ll deliver and he’ll get into a routine.

Washing - do sheets and towels at the weekend. All gym clothes at the weekend on a hot wash with bio detergent and no fabric softener. Swimming kits together. Run them back to back on a Saturday morning. If you have the space and money, buy a second washing machine. It’ll change your life.

Tidying - 2 & 4yo is just the right age to be teaching children to put shoes/jackets/bags/lunchboxes where they belong. Do it now and you won’t be nagging when they’re 8 & 10. They need to take responsibility for their stuff.

Cleaning - find a better cleaner. Again, it’ll change your life, especially if you find one who irons well.

Sounds like you lack time more than you lack money. Apply the resources you have to ease the pain of the resource you lack.

Why not set the clothes to finish washing for when he gets up
I have a big enough house, but it would piss me off no end to be awaken by the washing machine spinning at 5am. At that time, I hear it, and it's on the other side of the house!

Wake at 6.30 when DH brings me a cup of tea. Drink tea in bed to wake up. DH has shower. DH brings cereal up on a tray and we all eat on the bed to be honest.
We both get DS ready- teeth, face, hair etc then he dresses himself and plays until school. I get in the shower and get ready.
One of us does school run depending on what day it is.
Your mornings sound hardcore, hope he make it up to you in other ways.

I see what you mean. The charge is for childcare though, not the bowl of cereal! We ♥️ breakfast club as otherwise we couldn't do our jobs. There's much more parking at that time too.