To think I am naive.

[Bashfulbun]

After a conversation with my sister, I wonder if a am naive. I asked her to help me unravel a work situation with a man I work with. I believe he is being friendly . She says I am naive. We chat and laugh and have fun during the day . There is touching of arms and backs and hugging at times . Glancing, watching when I speak and I see him watching when he doesn’t know I can, if that makes sense .he seeks me out, asks my professional and personal opinion on problems he has and takes advice . He says nice things about my appearance and noticed new hair, weight loss , clothes etc . He is physically always beside me in the canteen and boardroom situations . He texts me out of work hours just light conversation ... films, music etc. Lately though the contact has increased in and out of work and he has been texting saying he missing our friendship at weekends .am I being naive to think that this is solid friendship or has he developed feelings. Thanks for reading this .ps we have worked together for a number of years and the friendship gradually got closer. He has never given me reason to think he is romantically interested

You're naïve.

You're more naive than a new born baby.

I wouldn’t necessarily say naive, just oblivious. Are you both single? Do you have feelings for him?

He sounds interested. Are you interested in him or do you just want to be friends?

I think you're pretending to be naive

I think it's very likely he does have romantic feelings for you, but I don't think that makes you naive. When you've been friends with someone so long I guess it's a subtle change over the years and a subtle increase in affection etc that won't necessarily be obvious to you. I'm so tired I hope that makes sense.

I asked her to help me unravel a work situation with a man I work with.

What is the "situation" ?

Because if you are naive, none of what you posted would cause you to have "a situation" because you dont think he's romantically inclined, so why are you now querying whether he is or isnt interested in you romantically?

Thanks. I think he has a new girlfriend. He has not spoken of her and avoids any discussion about partners or families. Then again, I am not sure as he spends most weekends doing activities solo or with friends from what he says . These new behaviours have crept up very slowly over time . There hasn’t been a sudden surge in contact or intensity in contact but from talking about work with my sister, this came up and I did ask her what she thought. She thinks my head is stuck in the sand

Are you single? If so why not get him to suggest you do something at the weekend.....when he mentions something then you say 'oh I always wanted to do that....' or 'i wish I was going to that....m' etc etc it gives him an opening. If he doesn't then a) he might not be interested or b) he might enjoy the attention but not actually be free to take it further. If you are such good friends with him why not just ask him about the girlfriend??

To the pp, I never joined any dots before now. Things were just the way they were , but in the last year when I think about them , things have crossed from what I would consider normal in my friendships , to the friendship now .

The touching etc could be because he's just a very tactile person. However the watching you, and increased texting indicate interest on his side that is more than just friendly colleague. Would you be interested in a relationship with him? Think about long term though, because if it doesn't work out, it could become very awkward at work if you have to work closely with each other.

Just re-read your initial post. You say the contact has increased recently, and you also say you've lost weight, had a new hairstyle etc. Maybe these changes are making you more confident and it's spiking his interest?

I'm in the same sort of situation. I am by no means naive, daft, stupid, and have been round the block a few times (!!) But even I'm having trouble deciphering my guys feelings/thoughts/actions. He does exactly what you have described, but I also think he has a new gf. And yet he's still exactly the same with me as he always has been, never talks about her, never goes out with her - I know this because he's always working. Wish I could read his mind !

@why hope he isn’t the same guy!

He is a touchy feely type person . Not to everybody else though? He said recently ive never looked as well as I do now. I don’t look anything special
Btw.. I’ve lost a decent amount of weight and am sleeping well that is all.

Is there anyone who thinks that this could be entirely innocent and thinks he is a a friend who is being nice who is just affectionate and likes emotional closeness with his friends?

Are looking for confirmation that he’s interested in you?
Or questioning the boundaries of this friendship?
Everything hinges on the questions, do you have a partner? Do you want this to go anywhere ?

I guess I want to write it as it is and gets posters feedback to see whether there is something there or not and how to gauge it all. I did not give this much head space until the conversation came up and now I can think of nothing else .thanks

Sorry OP

I was going to say the same as @TixieLix

However the watching you, and increased texting indicate interest on his side that is more than just friendly colleague. Would you be interested in a relationship with him? Think about long term though, because if it doesn't work out, it could become very awkward at work if you have to work closely with each other.

I think you've missed the the signals he's sending you. He seems always to be touching, watching, ensuring he's close to you at breaks or meetings and also:
he has been texting saying he missing our friendship at weekends

He may have a girlfriend but maybe still sees himself as available if you became so.

You probably need to speak to him and clarify what's going on or things will just get more awkward. Think carefully about what you'll say to him and how you want the outcome to be. You'll still have to work with him afterwards..

Work relationships never seems good idea

Thanks too@happynow. I agree . My thoughts are why bring
That trouble onto my life but more so in the work
Place

And I really think he has a new girlfriend but not from any talk about her. He simply doesn’t talk about her at all and ignores any talk like that. I don’t know where he has time
To have new girlfriends though as he works and socialises on his free time without her, if he is telling the truth about her

Similar thread to one posted a few times now. I don't think you're naive, otherwise you wouldn't have noticed half this stuff. I think you want everyone to tell you that he likes you.

My demeanour with him
Would not give him any encouragemt or indication that I have interest. It is strictly friendship . He does ask me a large amount of personal questions about my weekends and
Time
Off and
Social life actually. I am vague only because it is in front of colleagues and I am
Private

I don’t . I respect and appreciate opinions . I do not want to talk to other friends or colleagues about this in case I look like a fool. That is why I am
Giving facts here and not ‘ feelings’ I get, as a rule.
Yes I saw another thread on relationship board .