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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Arguing about newborns middle names

105 replies

Liveinmypjs · 01/05/2019 19:27

Need advice. I had my second child last week and myself and dh are arguing about its middle name. About 3 months before the birth dh mentioned he wanted his first name to be babies middle name if it was a boy. I said I would also like my father's first name as a second middle name. He disagrees at the time but we didn't speak about it again. My argument was as the baby obviously has his surname (our surname) and also his name as middle name, that it was nice to include a connection to my family, with my dad's name. So anyway baby is a boy and on the day of his birth when it was brought up, dh said fine to the double middle name but he didn't think it sounded great. Both names are reasonably traditional and not weird. I then told my dad who was so happy. Dh then told his mum who made some sarcastic comment as per, and after that he did he didn't want my dad's name included anymore and that I had jumped the gun s it hadn't been agreed on. We have argued so much about this and he doesn't see it as important to include a link to my family. He says it's a family tradition in his family to have the middle name of your father. But surely he should be accepting of my choices too. He wants me to tell my dad we have changed our mind but I don't want to and we have to register our ds tomorrow

OP posts:
CCC1 · 01/05/2019 19:31

If I were you I’d stand my ground.

CalmdownJanet · 01/05/2019 19:31

Wtf? No way would I tell my Dad. Stick your guns on this, he agreed, you told your Dad, the decision is made. He wants to hurt you and your Dad because his mammy doesn't like the name? No chance!

Wheresmyvagina · 01/05/2019 19:33

He's being a total dick. Cancel the registration appointment and make another one in secret adding both names. Ok don't actually do that but tell him you could!

HappyPunky · 01/05/2019 19:34

I think it's fair that you pick a middle name each and it's got nothing to do with his mum.
It doesn't seem right that he's giving you this grief when you have a newborn and are vulnerable.

Phillipa12 · 01/05/2019 19:34

I would be inclined to say its both names or no middle names at all. I also would refuse to budge on the matter either.

TixieLix · 01/05/2019 19:34

I don't see why he'd have such a problem, it's not as though you call your child by their middle names. They're only ever used when filling in forms. I thing your DH is being very unreasonable. It's also none of his mum's business.

Houseonahill · 01/05/2019 19:34

I would stand your ground too. Why the hell is his mother's opinion more important than yours? He is being a knob.

DramaAlpaca · 01/05/2019 19:35

Stand your ground on this one.

MrsMozartMkII · 01/05/2019 19:35

Bollox to him (your DH).

I hope he's not always such a self-centred arse.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 01/05/2019 19:38

How unreasonable of him. You've been willing to honour his family traditions and have more than compromised, given your DS has his father's surname and his grandfather's middle name! And the thanks you get for that is a refusal to compromise in the slightest in return, and to be told your family doesn't matter. I find his attitude disrespectful, thoroughly distasteful, and quite worrying. Is he this much of a control freak in other matters?

I'd inform him you will be telling your father nothing of the sort (and for that matter, neither will he). You need to stick to your guns on this one OP, and don't waver from what you originally agreed.

Your DH is being a thoroughgoing CF. YANBU.

QueenofmyPrinces · 01/05/2019 19:38

What a knob.

My first son has two middle names: one is my dad’s name and the other one is DH’s dad’s name. Completely fair.

Stand your ground!!

Oohgossip · 01/05/2019 19:38

You are def in the right. Why on earth should he and his mother name this child??

You did the hard work, you get the final say.

StuckInsideAnEcho · 01/05/2019 19:39

Both or none. That's unfair and he isn't going to be called by his full name so if they don't sound completely right together it doesn't actually matter.

Perhaps make your dads name the first name of baby.

Sciurus83 · 01/05/2019 19:40

STAND YOUR GROUND!! The baby has his surname, you gave birth to him you should at least get to choose a middle name.

RaffertyFair · 01/05/2019 19:40

He's being a dick OP.
He wants a "mini-me" name which I think makes him look pathetic.

You are being very accommodating giving his first name as middle name (I would hate that) but he can't accommodate your choice of family name!? Is is normally so self obsessed and insensitive?

mommybear1 · 01/05/2019 19:42

Agree with all other posters stand your ground this is totally unfair! It's been agreed it should be registered as agreed - good luck OP Thanks

QuarterMileAtATime · 01/05/2019 19:42

No chance I’d be backing down on this one.
As an aside, I am not a fan of parents using their own name when naming their child. It screams ego to me. And his current behaviour supports this.

maryberryslayers · 01/05/2019 19:43

Tell him you can have both or just your dads, up to him!
DS has my dads name as his middle name.

Liveinmypjs · 01/05/2019 19:43

You know the majority of the time he's a great guy, but when his mum comes in the equation he becomes such a dick. I actually hated him last week for making me feel the way he did when I had just had our ds. He said because I chose our dd middle name he gets this one, but he wasn't fussed for any middle names with our dd so I said what I liked and he agreed. The thing is my family have had to bite their tongue and change things that were our families traditions to suit his bloody family, mainly his mum, and I just can't upset my dad over this as it'll be Ike the ultimate kick in the teeth.i honestly can't see us agreeing in anything, which will ultimately hurt me and my dad anyway. I've said to dh that I understand it's important to him to share his name and I would never take that away from him so it upsets me more that he can't compromise on this when both names are important to both of us.

OP posts:
53rdWay · 01/05/2019 19:43

So he's e.g. John Smith and he is insisting the baby has to be Edward John Smith, and won't even let it be Edward Colin John Smith because his mother was sneery that you wanted your family included too? No, that's not fair. Was he like this with your first DC?

Nofunkingworriesmate · 01/05/2019 19:45

Why such a fuss over something so trivial I could understand if you were arguing over first name that would be important but the addition of your dads name is obviously a done deal his mum is a bitch too to be so rude unless your dads name Is Gaylord ?

Tana433 · 01/05/2019 19:46

Definitely stick to your guns OP. You can give your baby as many names as you wish, there is no set rule.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 01/05/2019 19:47

It’s worrying how. He is disrespectful of you and your family

Chloemol · 01/05/2019 19:49

Stick to your guns. Tell you mil to butt out

Leeds2 · 01/05/2019 19:50

Do not budge.